Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Calaer]

I just want the freaking rain to stop! It sucks so bad not being able to go out and play at the park with Ava.

[mindflower]

to be honest i just want to scream at everyone. that type of screaming that turns into crying and they can't have their say because you're the one crying and screaming. i want to scream at him for being so fuckng ignorant and talking to me when obviously we aren't friends and i have not forgiven him and he isn't even trying yet he thinks his life is so damn bad. i want to murder his girlfriend too but don't tell anyone. i want to scream at my best friend because she doesn't understand how much it hurts to be where i am and how free i want to be but can't be because i am unconfident and uncomfortable and upset with myself for being insignificant and unimportant to everything yet she complains when she gets every role and every boy and every chance she wants. i want to scream at everyone in my cast for theater to just shut up and grow up. i want to scream at my mother for being an hour late again to pick me up. i want to scream at my parents in general for making this so hard on me. i want to scream at my boyfriend for not even attempting to understand anymore. ugh. UGH.

[Avox.]

I'm struggling so much and you don't give a damn at all

[Kate*]

it took me exactly 2 months, but I finally managed to ask you to remove me from the listservs. Please do it without any hassle, moving on is hard enough without having to do all of the little things.

[Kate*]

That job would be perfect, but it's half an hour away and not in the safest area, plus how would I explain the 4 year gap if I don't want to bring up the counseling program?! My interpersonal skills can be improved if need be, the rest of it, I'm golden for. I'm assuming I won't get it, but it was worth a shot.

Never gonna make it.

[BreathingIn]

Our shower is so extremely loud and my room is right next to it. It screeches and hisses and the sounds of water sloshing around and dripping are SO LOUD. so what do my parents do about it?? My mom takes a shower at midnight right after I go to bed and my dad takes a short at 6 am and it always wakes me up. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP IN QUIET FOR ONCE!!! STOP!!!

TRIGGERING (ED):

Don't you dare fucking tell me what to eat or not to eat again. I'll eat what I damn well please. This is MY body and MY weight loss. If I want to eat a small piece of fucking cake I'll eat a small piece of fucking cake. You questioning it is how I get a complex and start starving myself again. So back the fuck off and let me do this MY way. After all, isn't that what we talked about when I started this whole thing?

[Forging Galaxies]

I am breaking down in fucking tears and alll I could think about is my sweetheart needing me right now...
Is she safe...?
Is she alright?

She needs me...

[Most Likely]

I don't get it. Am I REALLY incapable of learning anything at all? I get it, I didn't attend classes last time, but for fuck's sake...

[Forging Galaxies]

All I can think about is suicide...

[BreathingIn]

I'm tired of you doing everything you want no matter what. You will say and do as you please even if it hurts others, including me. I'll never be that cruel.

You know, it's cool if you didn't feel the chemistry, but acting enthusiastic about seeing me again after our date and then texting me the next day to tell me you aren't interested is not only rude, but cowardly, and frankly a really shitty thing to do. Next time be a man and tell me to my face that you aren't into me, instead of making me look like an idiot.

[mindflower]

HE'S LEAVING ME OH MY GOD HE'S LEAVING ME
I CAN'T BREATHE... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
i want to rip my skin off....

[Kate*]

I HATE having to leave stuff blank, but at least I didn't lie

[Forging Galaxies]

What am I?
Why is my mind in silence yet it's screaming?

Why do silent tears run down my damn face?
What are these dangerous thoughts flying in and out of my head...?

[*CatchingStars*]

Why do you accuse my dad of cheating on you. Why are you telling me you are going to move out and live by yourself and that you can afford it but my dad won't. My dad has us to take care of because we won't have enough to live on our own. Why are you putting this all on me because I don't want it. I cried at work because you stressed me beyond my limit. I have never cried in public never in my whole life. And there I sat in a place I worked just in distress because of school and home and no one was helping I had no one to actually call and vent to and k needed to say it out loud and no one would listen. But my co worker did and I felt better. But for gods sake leave me the hell out of it before I do something I will regret

I don't get to eat today because I have no money and that worthless bitch of a mother won't buy anything and just saves 1600 a month from my father because she's a fucking greedy bitch.

[Kate*]

I have a right to be pissed as hell about it even if I know it won't help or change anything. I also know that I don't want them to have consequences because I'm angry and bitter, I want them to have consequences because what they're doing is WRONG and they're getting away with murder. Even if I forgive them for everything they put me through, that won't stop them from doing it or worse to somebody else. They won't stop until they're held accountable, that's all I want. I would never want to hurt them, I just want them to have some accountability and take some responsibility instead of telling us to when they're blaming everyone else. I don't think that's too much to ask.

[Oneirophobia]

Im actually completely done right now.

[MWF]

Fuck you (anonymous stats teacher)! Your teaching style fucking sucks!!!!!!

[Calaer]

I hate this cold weather all the time! I want to go swimming and to start planting flowers in the garden.

[Chai.]

This is not about you. Stop making everything about you.

[Kate*]

You don't know everything, nor are you better or smarter than anyone else so STOP ACTING LIKE IT!!! You are incredibly arrogant. I'd LOVE to see you get knocked down a few pegs.

Oh my God, I can't fucking believe this. I go out of my way for the past week to avoid any illness and it turns out she's sick?! THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO GO OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! I swear if it turns out I can't go on this camping trip I am going to be so pissed. A fun opportunity missed and another weekend with him gone, when we have so little time left together. And I know I'm putting the cart ahead of the horse, but just...GAH! Why does something always have to go wrong at the last minute?

[Doodle.]

Fucking cold.

[*CatchingStars*]

If your going to fight and yell and break things and tell us all to move out than get a divorce because I hate all this stress and distractions. IM DONE. I'm so tired of hearing these fights. I'm tired and I'm don't sometimes you have to stop and just get away from people. Like seriously stop dragging my dad back In if you aren't even going to respect his daughters and family.

[DiafolEternal]

Its strange, with daily thoughts of ending it all. I have a good day with my family, playing games together and think, see, this is why i have not ended it.

Then my nan says im not allowed anti-depressants anymore cuz i dont need them
mum and nan spend the day slagging me off to each other while im in the room
They all go to the beach and dont invite me
7 months later shes still a constant thought.
And people wonder why i spend all my money on drink and sleep all day? I do it hoping i wont wake up and dont have to pull the "trigger"

[Forging Galaxies]

What's wrong with me...?
I said something horrible about my sweetheart's father to her last night, clearly I'm not... myself.

My guilt today is in rampage as it circles around my mind, reminding me I'm not... good enough...

[BreathingIn]

can't stand living at home anymore with my parents' noses always up my business. they're ruining my life by trying to control everything

[Rainbow Cookies]

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhh. PEOPLE ARE CONDENSENDING IDIOTS WHO THUNK THEY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BUT REALLY ARE JUST ASSES WHO DON'T THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE SHIT GOING ON IN OTHER PEOPLES LIVES.

[Forging Galaxies]

Dream after dream after more fucking dreams about her...

I don't know why I'm even breathing...
I'm just... not that good for the world anymore, I just...

What's wrong with me?

[mindflower]

literally i can't take it anymore. literally i just can't. i hate myself so much for putting myself through this but i probably deserve it in the long run. i am throwing myself into a future that i can't do because i'm so stressed and lost and useless. i'm not going to get into college, hell i can't even get a job without fucking up trust. i want so badly to end my friendship with matthew and with sarah and with fucking everyone but at the same time i feel a love or a lust or a dependence on all of them and i am constantly choking on their and on my own negative emotions when around them and they all hate me, let's be honest, no one actually likes me so i'd probably be doing them a favor if i left. and my parents, god they don't give a shit! i have nothing to lose but my life now, and they can't even notice that i'm not sleeping or eating and i'm fucking falling apart? what kind of parenting is that. and me. just me. i'm fat, depressing, disgusting, worthless, pathetic, annoying, and a complete and utter failure. i am still struggling over an ex who fucking abused me and am still haunted by eighth grade and fuck i can't even kill myself right. i want to cut myself but i can't get myself to just do it. and i can't just take the drugs because i'm just an idiot. and no one gives a shit about me. not on teenhelp, not in school, not at home, i surely don't give one about myself so. let's just all hope i'm in some accident tomorrow, fatal, just.. gone. because i'm never going to get over the pain and i'm never going to sleep well or do good or succeed at anything important to me. i'm just a gross insecure disappointment.

[Kate*]

[color="Blue"][size="2"]In theory this is possible, my guess is that in reality it's not. If only I didn't have to choose between them, but I don't think I can do both. And in the end it could all be wasted because I may not get back in. And everyone knows this isn't what I really want, but I'd rather settle for this than get nothing at all. Anything I end up with will be settled for I'd rather settle for more than less.

You said that was my birthday surprise, driving 45 minutes to each Chinese food (which I swear I've told you I don't like) to have dinner with YOUR friends who like your Irish music (which I don't) who I've only met once. Saturday is my favorite day and I lost a whole one to THAT ugh.

[MWF]

WHY does Mayweather-Pacquiao have to be 100 bucks on pay-per-view???

[Lilyofthewest]

I love and hate my inability to reach out. On one hand, it saves me from burdening my friends with my shit. On the other, on a day like today when I'm too obviously down to avoid having to talk about how I feel, it's a pain in the fucking arse.

Apparently my friends love me. Well I don't believe in love, it doesn't fucking exist as far as I'm concerned because if love was real I'd have seen fucking proof of it by now. Same reason I don't believe in God, God has never proven himself to exist to me so why the fuck should I presume he's real? Love is a fantasy as far as I'm concerned, I'm eighteen years of age and I haven't seen love yet so it almost certainly isn't a real thing. It's something people choose to believe in so it distracts them from all the other shit going on.

I hate the way everybody assumes that shit gets better. Stop living in fucking cloud cuckoo land and take a long, hard look around you for crying out loud. What's the point in staying alive? Why would I want to grow up and become another clueless cunt working in their dead end job and believing in shit like love and God to distract them from the fucking shitty state of the nation they're living in and the fucking shitty people who fuck each other over? That's all there fucking is to life, none of your shitty dreams and goals ever happen, you end up below everyone else and you're only equals when you're all fucking dead.

Everything would be fucking easier if I just died. To tell the truth I don't even care if it would fucking break the people I leave behind because I'll be fucking dead and I won't even know what's going on for those who are alive and besides if people are that fucking attached to an absolutely worthless individual like me, well, maybe me fucking dying will make them rethink their own lives because it's clearly fucking needed. It may sound selfish but it's the brutal fucking truth and besides it's not like anybody needs me alive or even wants me alive anyway and I don't fucking want to be here anymore so I might as well go.

(edited because I'm not fucking finished yet)
She's online on Facebook now. Her name with the green light next to it is fucking staring me in the face and I know I should message her but I can't bring myself to. I told her everything, everything about my past that I'd never told anyone before and even though she wanted me to tell her I feel really fucking guilty. I'm an absolute mess. Nothing seems to help.

[DiafolEternal]

Had an ingrown hair thats been hurting lately and i finally get it out. Mention it to my nan and shes like "well done, how did you finally do it"
Oh i used the point of my craft knife
"ANY EXCUSE TO CUT YOURSELF"

FUCK YOU!!! Im doing really well, im up to like 30 weeks without doing it and dont need shit like that said to me right now!!!

[Forging Galaxies]

Am I truly suffering? Do I deserve it?
Is it going to be worth it?

No, It won't... it's going to kill me.
Please let this be a nightmare, I can't lose... her and yet I can't comprehend it's likely all gone...

My soul is... hurting.

[mindflower]

this is fucking ridiculous, i feel like vomiting on all of them just so they can be like "taylor oh wow when did you start existing". i could be home, changing, napping, eating, god knows. great. i could honestly just kill matthew. i could.

Fuck ALL of you! I'm sorry, I didn't talk during YOUR check-ins, so why the fuck do you think you can talk during mine? Furthermore, what gives you the RIGHT to think you can give me advice on MY body? "Try weight watchers."" A friend has been going to Overeaters Anonymous; she has a sponsor and she's been doing great." I wasn't ASKING for your FUCKING INPUT! And did y'all not just what I said? You REALLY think throwing out a diet recommendation that includes obsessing over what I eat or anything with the word "overeater" in it is a good idea? GET OFF MY FUCKING ASS, you insensitive assholes. It's comments like that that made me engage in ED behaviors in the first place.

You know what? Let's talk about that. Oh, the fat girl says she's going on a diet and suddenly EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER thinks they can give her advice without her asking about it. I'm sorry, do I comment on what YOU eat? Do I tell you maybe you should think twice about what you're about to shove in your mouth? No? Then what in the HELL thinks you have the right to comment on what I DO? Are you a nutritionist or a doctor that I PAID to see for help with my diet? No? THEN STEP THE FUCK OFF, MOTHERFUCKERS.