Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Kintsukuroi.]

I just want to give up.

[Kate*]

I know you'll beat me up for that, but that's the first time it's happened and I did eventually get it in well enough. Until I watch it, I don't know what else there will be, but I'm sure you'll find plenty. Please also consider that the person was NOT cooperative, even my best skills didn't get me very far. When someone isn't willing to work with you, there's only so much you can do.

[Storyteller.]

I'm running out of energy but I still have so much left to do.

[Heretic]

High school ended over five years ago. Stop arguing like a bunch of catty teenagers (no offense to most of this site's users!). When I tell you that she doesn't like confrontation, you need to accept that, but also understand that she's not the only one.

EVERYONE TAKE A STEP BACK AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

[Kate*]

If you're not available to provide me with directions yourself then you aren't in a position to complain about the directions I get from the person who is. Also, for the 3rd time, I DID NOT ask her to do that, she made that decision based on the information I gave her, I had no control over that! Also, I am doing exactly what you've asked me to do for multiple hours at a time, STOP treating me like I'm not and I came to you because I needed help with that despite doing what you asked me to. If I knew how to handle it, I would've done it right in the first place. Does that mean I'm going to fail, right now I'm assuming it does.

[Twinge]

I'm emotionally dead yet screaming inside... stop stop stop...




Okay, Sleep.
I will this time.

[Lumos.]

So my best friend is in the fucking psychiatric ward and you try to pry into her business? No, just because I tell you one detail about my personal life doesn't mean we're fucking close.
I feel like i'm already dead, apparently my eyes look like it too.. wish i could just do it but i need to be here for her
I have choir rehearsal first thing tomorrow, then an english test and group project, then more choir rehearsal, then a math test, then an in-front of class presentation and a group project directly after that... its gonna be a long day

[Most Likely]

IF YOU COULD STOP RANDOMLY FUCKING DISAPPEARING WITHOUT A TRACE AND INSTEAD START MAKING ANY ATTEMPT AT AT LEAST PRETENDING THIS IS AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP AND YOU TREAT IT LIKE SUCH, ID BE THE HAPPIEST GUY ON THIS PLANET

[crotia]

AAAAAAAaaarggghhh

You ask me to seek help when I need it. But everyone always tell me to go to someone alse who can help better. And the people who can help are making you wait. (Which I understand but still....)

And then there's the part where they ask you to ask for help. But do they even stand still for a moment to think that maybe sometimes I don't know what way to go and that maybe asking help is a really big step already?

[Forging Galaxies]

I'm truly pathetic...

[Kintsukuroi.]

I don't want to be here anymore.

[Em.]

I am going to die. And I can't wait.

[Forging Galaxies]

And... just like that, everything is all gone...

Time to... think how I should die again.

[Kate*]

I hate this family you're all between the ages of 40 and 87 yet you're throwing tantrums like toddlers with the maturity level that you should all be WAY BEYOND. Time to GROW UP.

There, I switched them ALL over now. Happy?! It makes it way easier on her but this was a REALLY STUPID RULE!! If I end up going 3 weeks without my medication like I did last time this happened. I will blame YOU!

[Lumos.]

I miss my best friend so much, i wish they could just let her out today.
i've cried so much this week that its not even funny
i just wish i was gone...

[Amandaapandaa]

I don't want to be here. I want to be dead.

[Kate*]

I had a feeling it wasn't going well, but I did this to myself I guess. Now I'm completely screwed. JUST ONCE I'd like something career related to work out the way it's supposed to. I hate that everything looks like it's going to work out perfectly and then it falls apart. The behavior that caused this is completely out of character and it's good that it's not due to my counseling skills, but still this looks HORRIBLE and I couldn't afford the blow to my program or my reputation.

[Forging Galaxies]

Why does everyone wants me to... die and they reject me, even the most important person I have love for rejects the fact that I care...

Why do I bother... living for anyone?

[Kate*]

If I had any other options, I would walk away right now and wash my hands of everything. I always wondered what the final straw would be.

As I suspected, this was the final straw. I'm waiting on the final word, but I'm 99.9% sure that my program and career are officially over.

[Kintsukuroi.]

They want me dead, why can't I just leave already.

[Kate*]

Best case scenario: They let me continue or withdraw and retake it with another supervisor.

Expected scenario: It's over.

[Kate*]

Why am I suddenly feeling okay about this??!! Being excused from your hours until they talk to you about the state of your program is NOT a good thing! Yet I feel like I'm going to get one more break. I agree completely about the role model thing, but to say I acted worse than the kids is an exaggeration especially in her case and despite what she said, that's NOT true.

[Most Likely]

Goodbye, up phase.

Welcome back, down phase. Almost missed you this time.

BACK OFF! BACK OFF! BACK OFF!

I WANT PERSONAL LIFE AND WORK LIFE TO BE S.E.P.A.R.A.T.E! For good reasons, thank you very much!

[blurryface]

I FUCKING HATE GOMERCH. how hard can it be to get one fucking shirt to me in a timely manner? it's been three weeks. can I have my fucking shirt, please?

[Kate*]

I know I'm in no position to ask for favors or to beg to stay, but PLEASE let me stay, I'm shocked at what happened too, I normally NEVER act like that. I'll apologize to them, I'll do anything you ask me to, just please don't end it over this. I've worked too long and too hard to have it all fall apart over something I would normally never do.

[Everglow.]

I dont know how much longer I can do this.
I just need a break. From everything.
So so so triggered by every aspect of life right now.

[Lumos.]

I can't handle this tonight, already been triggered all day and now i'm feeling like a million times shittier..
I wish that no one cared anymore..

[Forging Galaxies]

I despise myself because I'm now physically weak and I'm ugly, I'm not good enough for anyone and I'm not perfect enough for 'someone'.

I'll never have a life...
I just hoped I've locked myself into a dark, fucking sick fantasy for the time being.
I'm not even living life, I haven't write a word for too long and it's overdue now.
The darkness is coming back for me, but I'm holding on.

[Everglow.]

I don't know how to cope with the shit life has given me and I'm going to crack. My family don't give a shit and just have a go when I'm upset and it all looks so fucking bad that waking up tomorrow just seems like the worst possible idea. I just want to do things to myself that I've been trying not to do for a long time.

[Kate*]

You're giving up because it's taking too long and we can't afford to keep doing this! I'm over it too, but unless you know what I will be doing instead and loving just as much, I may as well give up completely. The outlook is too bleak and I just can't.

[Lumos.]

I have absolutely no motivation for anything, and I feel so shitty. I honestly don't think i've ever felt this bad. fuck

[Most Likely]

Okay, this is bad and the sole reason is making it ridiculous. I want to rest from it and stop constantly crashing against this crippling anxiety over and over again. I get better every once in a while, can't I stay stable already?

[Lionheart]

You damn asshole! What's so funny about me trying to do sports? So what if I'm slow and out of breath? Have you ever tried running after you barely ate anything for the last days and have to wear long sleeves in this heat because you can't let your arms or legs be seen? I bet not, so stop making fun of me. I'm trying to get my damn body in order and get some fresh air even if I feel like everyone is looking at me and laughing. You're not helping! People like you are the reason I hid myself beneath layers of cloth. So stopp! Just stopp making fun of me trying to run!

[Kate*]

When you ask God to show you in a dream what you're supposed to do if counseling doesn't work out as a career and you end up conducting counseling sessions all night only they go better than they do when you're awake. What am I supposed to do with THAT!?!?

[Forging Galaxies]

Everything is falling apart...

[Catharsis.]

I know I don't even have the right to post here and I know that no-one here wants to even remember I exist and I know that they're all right in feeling that way but fuck it.

Life feels like a fucking prison right now. It's like suicide watch. No sharp objects, nothing I could hang myself with, all pills taken away, parents checking me for scars even though I'm a bloody adult now. My only escape is forbidden. Basically the only thing that makes life worth living for I can no longer do.

Because there's no other reason to be alive. I'm not going to get any better, ever. I'm just here waiting to die, waiting for a moment when I can be set free of all this strife. I have no reason to be alive, nobody wants me alive and I don't fucking want to be here. The opportunity to harm myself was the only reason I stayed for the last couple of months, and, now that it's well and truly gone, why stay?

I need help but I don't want it. I wouldn't be able to get it anyway. My parents would disown me if they knew what was really going on in my head.

Just wish I could be allowed die in dignity by taking my own life. It's a pathetic life I've led and it'll only be more and more pathetic. I'm fat and unloveable and stupid. Nobody cares. I deserve to die a lonely death by suicide and that's it.

[Kate*]

I finally figure out what's been "wrong" my whole life only to find out that there's a good chance it will keep me from the profession of my dreams. I don't understand why you would make me want and point me in the direction of a profession you knew would be impossible for me. WHY!?!?

[Forging Galaxies]

I'm tired of... breathing.

I'm a failure...
I just want to have what I want for once...

I'll never be free.

[Most Likely]

This headache, what the hell man?