Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Starseeker]

Am I kinda addicted?

[Kate*]

No, I really don't want to go in tomorrow, especially for a day shift, especially after losing it today. But, I need the hours and you need the coverage.

Worst day in a long time, aside from yesterday, and completely unnecessary. We already know promotion was never actually on the table, and even if it was, after today, I don't think it would be worth it.
And I was 100% right that the other one is easier. It'll take me DAYS to recover from this. And you ARE allowed to send me the POSTED schedule, I don't need to bother or text a manager to get it, there was absolutely NO need to get snippy because your text didn't go through.

I'm giving myself time to calm down, before I decide whether or not to give notice. We know he's not going to stop me, which is one more reason I probably should.

[Dawn.]

I hate this rollercoaster I'm on.

[Dawn.]

It seems to be more of a constant thing now...

[Kate*]

What I didn't screw up, your nightmare of a system did! I will never enjoy it, but assuming the fucking thing cooperates and I can handle a no-receipt return, then I'm promotable, and you can't hold it against me anymore (So, I assume you'll come up with something else to use).

I don't know why I'm so miserable. A day or two, sure, but this is ridiculous. Maybe I need my meds adjusted or therapy again, or something. But, I don't want to go back until I'm sure I'll stick with it.
It doesn't help that it feels like everyone has turned on me. I'm probably imagining that, but the tone has definitely shifted, and I don't feel as welcome as I used to.

[Dawn.]

I'm doing all I can to beat this but nothing seems to be working.

[Dawn.]

Only a couple of more days...

[Dawn.]

I wish I wasn't a stress head.

[Kate*]

Why would you transfer the prescriptions without refills, when I literally renewed them all before the end of the year to avoid this exact issue?! And fix your system so i can pay and be done with it. These things haunt me, damn it.

It figures that you're desperate to call me in, until a week where I actually need you to.

[Proud90sKid]

I HATE my pancreas. Had acute pancreatitis again. This was actually my third time with it! Really wish I could drink a few beers without having to worry I will be hit with yet another extremely painful pancreatitis attack. I have a susceptible pancreas that can not handle alcohol (well, it seemingly handles it just fine 99.5-99.9 percent of the time allowing one to grow complacent but then 0.1-0.5 percent of the time it hits like a steamroller completely out of the blue after an ordinary night out for literally no reason whatsoever...completely unpredictable condition that is all or nothing and doesn't warn you beforehand (either its your unlucky day and you get pancreatitis suddenly or nothing noticeably bad happens at all)). Having a few beers is starting to feel like playing Russian Roulette. All-or-nothing, just like DUIs are. DUI is a perfect analogy actually: you are fine 99 percent of the time you drive home slightly over the limit, but eventually on an otherwise normal day you randomly are pulled over and get to experience that 1 percent.

[Dawn.]

Here I am once again at the beginning.

[Dawn.]

Wishing I was more motivated.

[Kate*]

I don't have proof of any of this overthinking. But, considering how often I'm right about the scenarios I come up with, I have theories, and I'm just waiting for the truth to come out. And I'd ask, but I can't trust a word he says. I don't know why I'm looking forward to it, I barely see him, and when I do, he tells me what I want to hear while he screws me over and the denies it when I catch on and confront him.

I'm looking way too forward to this, I'm only going to end up disappointed when I barely see him.

Amazing human and shitty manager who doesn't want to admit he's screwing me over. That's who I'm dealing with. I don't want to trust him, but I still do, and part of me wants to stop liking him, but I can't.

[Dawn.]

I'm just so tired in every way possible.

[Dawn.]

I don't know why I'm like this.

[Kate*]

He's trying to see if I'm going to quit, or maybe he wants to let me go, but he cares too much, so he wants to make sure if he does, I'll be okay with another job. Maybe that's just me being paranoid. Or, maybe I've been right all along...

The fact that you got me to trust you has left me in an extremely uncomfortable emotional state. My black and white brain can't conceive of a good person being bad at their job. You're either screwing me over, on purpose with malice, or it's a result of pure ignorance.

[Dawn.]

I hope I can recover quickly.

[Dawn.]

I wonder if it'll all be worth it...

[Dawn.]

I can't wait for all of this to be over.

[Dawn.]

I was hoping to get a break from everything.

[Kate*]

Is he screwing me, not sending me the schedule, so I don't know, and this is just more excuses? Or is he telling the truth? I want to trust him, he's jerked me around, but has he royally f***ed me over, no. And he still takes care of me. And he pushes, but not too hard, which is probably part of why he has to screw me over. I want to believe good things, but actions speak for themselves, and I'm not sure I can.

[Dawn.]

It's just never ending.

[Dawn.]

I wish I didn't suffer from mental health.

[Dawn.]

Why do I do this to myself?

[Dawn.]

Let's hope it all works out for the better...

[Kate*]

I really hope you didn't text the wrong person and that it's NOT truck day. I need the shift, but I HATE truck day.

You forced me to mess with it, and it's not my fault it's confusing. So, I really hope I didn't screw something up, because there are now alerts about it that weren't there before. And I'd rather keep things the way they were.

Even if I assume that isn't personal; and it probably isn't, I still can't prove he isn't screwing me over. Just ONCE in my life, I'd like to trust an authority figure, and not have it be a mistake.

[Dawn.]

Hopefully it won't last long.

[Kate*]

Every single Saturday except one that was already scheduled, and now all my shifts are overnights! I don't like you enough yet to do this willingly.

[Dawn.]

Lets hope it all works out.

[Kate*]

6 years, and I'm STILL fighting with these COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT idiots. If I STILL have coverage I shouldn't have, it's because YOU didn't do your fucking job, and I'm NOT paying the price for it. FIX IT NOW!

I have no interest in doing that again, but I'm not sure anyone can cover for me. But, i guess I'll have to keep it, since I lost all my hours the next week. I needed this job because he didn't have hours for me, and now you don't either?! The fuck am I supposed to do?!

I'm way too excited for tag day, and hopefully my manager is there like he's supposed to be, so he can fix my computer crap before I get bitched at again, and confirm that my hours are cut, so I can ask for more. I'm tempted to leave it alone and see what happens, but also afraid that I won't get what I don't ask for. He found them last time, he can find them again. And he can work around my other job if this is how it's going to be from now on.

[Dawn.]

I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[Dawn.]

Let's hope it doesn't last for much longer...

[Hiraeth.]

They need to understand that I'm a fully functioning human being. While I don't always make a sound decision, I hate being controlled or manipulated.

[Kate*]

I don't want to, but I will absolutely do so if necessary, you will NOT push me around. And she'd better be retiring, and those hours better come to me. 2 days at one, 3 at the other, no 15 hour days. It's not that fucking hard!

I've been looking forward to tomorrow all week, why do I have to be nauseous all of a sudden?!

The chance at possible promotion was the ONLY reason I even considered doing it. And, I'm sure at this point that I'm being manipulated and screwed over at the same time and that said promotion will never come because literally ANYBODY can have it but me.

[Dawn.]

I'm still holding on...

[Hiraeth.]

I need to work on having better posture, my ankle is beginning to hurt.

[Hiraeth.]

Joints, muscles, bones are all hurting today!

[Dawn.]

I'm hoping it does get better...

[Soda_Voxel]

Why is it so hard to heal and be kind to myself and so easy to show harm and hurt to myself?

[Hiraeth.]

I barely recognize that today's Monday.