Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Kate*]

Now that I know I'm FINALLY getting my review tomorrow (3 months late, because they forgot about me. Again), I'm not sure how I feel about it. I got the raise, so it can't be that bad, but I've been legitimately traumatized so many fucking times, that I can never go in 100% confident about anything. And I better get the full one he told me was coming, and not get rushed through it because he screwed up. I deserve as much time and attention as everyone else got!

So, there will never be an opening for me, because your people took them all, and none of them will ever leave. Also, the fact that your hypothetical solution would be a demotion, rather than an accommodation for the only part of the job you knew from day one I would struggle with, is proof that I'm right about it holding me back. Hopefully, he can set you straight, and the two of you can figure it out for me. Because if you don't, I'll go elsewhere for the pay and position I deserve, and you'll lose me anyway. But, even if I move on, this has been literally my whole fucking life, and it's just going to continueI give up

I need to stop, I'm fat.

[Dawn.]

I'm getting to my breaking point...

[Dawn.]

I just don't want to be this tired anymore.

[Kate*]

I want to trust you so badly, but I feel like I'll just be putting more effort into something else that will fall apart on me. And part of me feels like you're telling me things just to pacify me so I'll stay and take the crap jobs and it'll be like the last place all over again. I can appreciate that you want me to be ready, that you don't want to throw me into the deep end. But, some of it, I genuinely don't know if I have the skills in me and I was never given the chance to even prove what I can already do.

[Dawn.]

I'm surprised I had the courage to do what I did.

[Dawn.]

I just want one day where I'm not so tired.

[Dawn.]

Covid has come at such bad timing.

[Kate*]

It figures, 3/4 of those positions open, and I'm best fit for the one that's not! And I don't know why me wanting jr. management after 6 YEARS is such a shock to people!

You may have covered me before leaving and gotten me time and a half for Monday, but this week is going to SUCK.

4 days in a row with the weekend and an extra day off, and I still don't want to do this.

[Everglow.]

I'm so stressed out right now. With work, moving, accepting that I have to live with no space for a year, I'm just crumbling under it.

[Kate*]

If you're back, I don't know why he's still working so much. And I hope that you're really stepping up; not just doing the bare minimum and leaving again because you aren't "supposed" to be here, and obviously don't want to be.

[Dawn.]

I honestly hate feeling like this...

[Everglow.]

I feel like I need to figure out how to stand on my own two feet now because of this. How can I rely or depend on others if ultimately I end up powerless as a result?
But if I step back, I'll be completely alone. Not sure which option will make me feel worse.

[Kate*]

Training me means TRAINING me. He's expecting me to be ready by now because I SHOUD BE. And, we've had this discussion before: If I can't be fired for not doing it, then I'm NOT DOING IT (and you can't make me.) Period, end. This has been part of the problem the whole time. I want things, but they won't happen, so maybe I should just give the fuck up.

[Dawn.]

Lets see how this round last this time...

[Kate*]

Probably not my smartest decision, but it's livable. And I'll feel better about it once I get paid and confirm that it's really done. Plus, with everyone gone, hours should be coming up because he has no choice. But, even if they don't, I'll be good come November. I'll probably have to contact them to finally be done.

[Kate*]

Your communication rules are stupid. You expect everyone to automatically know what to do, but also force them to tell us every 2 seconds. But, the big things, no one has to mention those! Make up your fucking mind and get off my last nerve

[Kate*]

Now I wonder if I should've just given her the website, instead of your number. But, you did say that if I knew of anybody who was looking, I could give it out. And she's out of a job tomorrow, on 6 days notice. It felt like the right thing to do. Had you been there, you probably would've done the same or more.

I don't know why I'm excited to work tomorrow and 9 hour shifts all week. I'll probably just end up disappointed and/or destroying myself.

[Kate*]

When you make me do a million things, none actually get done

I give up. The fact that no is a possibility means that no is the answer. It won't happen because I can't do it and I'm not wasting your time or mine. And, no I won't stay in the same rut I'm already in, watching countless people with half the experience, get promoted over me while I rack up more years that don't mean a damn thing. Part of me wants to believe you'd talk me out of changing my mind, and the rest knows not to chance it, because there's a good chance you won't.

[Kate*]

You said yourself, it's all or nothing which means failure is immanent. The only thing more painful than giving up on myself, is working my ass off to lose it anyway. And if I'm not promotable, I'm not staying. It's that simple. I'm giving up on myself, and I want you to talk me out of it.

I know this isn't the mature or adult way to handle this, but I tried and didn't get very far; plus she wants to talk to you anyway. I'm okay with not now; I'm not okay with never. And I'm really not okay with being taken advantage of or lead on. And I can't tell how possible this really is, or if it's just a dangling carrot you're going to use to keep me while you screw me over like the others did.

Now I see why it took him for fucking ever, and that doesn't convince me of much. I want to trust you, but I'm just not sure I can... So, I'll sit on you for awhile and see what happens.

[Dawn.]

I don't understand why I do this to myself.

[Kate*]

If this really happens, I'll probably need to go back to therapy. Which I will need a consistent schedule to plan for, and I don't know if I'll get that either. And WHY am I looking forward to it again?! I overlap with him for 3 hours, and probably won't even see him! I hate that we're on opposite shifts all the time.

I hope I'm not in trouble for starting that, but it was common sense. And, I didn't get far, so it can be easily undone if needed.

[Everglow.]

Why does everything go so wrong for me all the time? When do I get a break?

[Dawn.]

Why is everything so expensive?

[Dawn.]

I had hoped things would have improved by now.

[Kate*]

Well, at least you know what I'm dealing with here. I'm becoming more and more convinced it just won't happen. Between that, the fact that I'll never get keys if I can't count money, and that I only learn if you teach me, and we're on opposite schedules so I barely even see you! You can say we'll work on it all you want, but how many times have I heard that before?! Maybe I should just give up before investing any more into one more thing that I'll never have.

At least if I have to work all weekend without my favorite manager, I get a favorite coworker, and the absence of one who gets on my nerves.

[Dawn.]

It's just one thing after another. I want to be able to not have to worry about anything.

[Kate*]

The FUCKING AUDACITY of these people; who have NO right to say ANYTHING or to treat me, or anyone else like that! You manage the way they treat me, or I will leave. You may allow them to treat me like shit, but I won't. You know how valuable I am, especially now. So, PROVE IT

[Everglow.]

Please be okay.

[Dawn.]

I really hoped things weren't like this...

[Kate*]

Either it's never going to happen, it's never going to happen, and he already knows that, I'll be ready with no openings, or, I just have to be more patient, while I'm right about all of these people, and he'd rather dismiss me than admit it.

Awake 12 hours, 2 cups of coffee, and I'm still falling asleep. When I say I need more sleep than most people, I MEAN IT

As stupid as jealousy is, that's what's happening.

[Dawn.]

I hope things settle down soon...

[Kate*]

I finally get what I want, and instead of what I've looked forward to, it's going to be miserable, because the stress is getting to him, and he's taking it out on me.
The fact that I'm conflicted means something. This is only the second time in a year that I've turned them down, once when it wasn't enough to be worth it, and this time when I really don't have a reason.

[Kate*]

The new hire is faster on her first day than I've gotten in a year. He can't promote if I can't hit standards. This is never going to happen. I'm not capable, I'm going to fail, and I'm going to be right.

Or, maybe, her management style is the problem. No, I can't do 5 million things at once. Especially when I havent been taught, and you refuse to teach me.

[Dawn.]

Why do I do this to myself?

[Starseeker]

My sinuses are so stuffed today. Again. I've done so much to relieve them, but it's been going on for FUCKING YEARS and nothing's changing.

[Dawn.]

It's always me that has to deal with it.

[Dawn.]

I'm just so tired in every aspect.

[Kate*]

I knew as soon as I thought I wasn't going to catch this cold, I was doomed, and here it is.

[Kate*]

"I know you guys don't like it, but it could help me get promoted (to a job that isn't even open)"

I don't give a shit about your promotion because you have this selfish streak in pursing it that infuriates me (I know you're the only one to recover the entire store, and I'm supposed to help, but he sent me videos for this promotion, so, I'm doing that instead.) This is an incredibly stupid waste of time, and everyone knows it, including you. The fact that we have to close the night before and then come in 8 hours later on my day off for it makes it even worse. You can't make me not hate it, any time you defend it, I will want to punch you; especially after saying that. You may let him take advantage of you, but that's not my problem. And I guarantee you, if I end up in an equivalent position to yours, he WON'T be doing it to me. I love him too, but I have boundaries and I intend to enforce them.

You're now going to claim that you were trying to help him because no one else was; because they all hate him. No, no one was helping because it was stupid, I knew nothing, so I couldn't have helped if I wanted to, and it was obvious that he was trying too hard. Plus, we ran late because he took so long. I'm with you on the shit they're pulling, but it wasn't because everyone hates him.

[Dawn.]

I don't want to feel like this anymore.