Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Dawn.]

This is all getting too much for me.

[Dawn.]

Am I really that bad of a person?

[Dawn.]

I always seem to get myself into situations.

[Everglow.]

My alarm clock goes off in 4 hours and I'm still awake. Obsessing over things. Wish it would stop now.

[Dawn.]

And to think 2023 would be a better year.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm tired and have a lot to do.

[Starseeker]

This life is so not worth living.

Enough of the rain. It's making up for the summer's drought but it's like... enough.

[Dawn.]

I wish I hadn't taken on so much.

I hate waiting to hear back from people.

[Everglow.]

I'm a pathetic waste of space person

[Kate*]

It may be because he likes me and wants to work with me more, but I'm going to be EXHAUSTED. And if I pace myself, they're going to complain that I'm too slow.

Whoever decided to schedule inventory on a Sunday is an idiot. Final prep while open on a Saturday is a fucking nightmare.

[Starseeker]

Every passing hour is a torture, I don't want to be alive

[Soda_Voxel]

I hate how I can't even hurt myself how I want.

[Dawn.]

I really hope this doesn't continue. I was starting to feel so much better.

[Kate*]

This is exhausting, I hope it pays off.

It's frustrating not to be working where I want to be working.

[Dawn.]

I want to be able to get out and do more.

[Kate*]

I want to tell him everything, and that's exactly why I can't. Not only is everything in the world wrong with it, but the LAST thing he needs is to deal with me.

I don't like it, but it's none of my business and you're going to do what you want. As for why I care, it probably points to my tendency to over attach, which I'm afraid of because of the issues it can cause.

Your organizational system, whatever the hell it is, is incredibly stupid. I just want to know if the provider is covered without doing google gymnastics that gives different results every time.

[Starseeker]

I'M SO FUCKING PISSED. At first you told me I was gonna be wearing braces for 2 years. Now I've been wearing them for 1,5 years and there are no results whatsoever, WORSE, my teeth look fucking worse than before! Every month I spend a fortune on visits and I HAVE TO TRAVEL 5 HOURS ONE WAY FOR A VISIT, and that's how you treat your customers. First you cancelled a November appointment because you were sick. Fine. I had travelled there and three locks had come off, I had to function like this for a few weeks, I wonder what it had done to my tooth enamel. But fine, I understand you were sick. But now, ONE DAY BEFORE MY VISIT, YOU CANCEL BECAUSE 'YOU'RE GOING TO A TRAINING COURSE'? Are you fucking kidding me? One day before?! That's it, I'm going to change the dentist. If that's how you treat your patients, along with charging a lot and not doing your work properly - I'm not going to visit you anymore. I'm so fucking pissed. I would have changed doctors a few months ago already if not for the fact that it's difficult to do and few doctors want to take on a patient that has braces already. But now that's it, I will have to find a new doctor, because what you're doing is outrageous. And I have been your patient for many years, long before I had braces.

Why isn't there anyone hiring for an office assistant position, and why do they all require a college degree, use of a phone, or a driver's license. No, I don't have a college degree nor am I able to use a phone and I can't drive to get mail; but I am perfectly capable of doing all the other office-related tasks. Please hire me because in spite of that, I am capable of doing work.

[Kate*]

How hard is it to not come to work while vomiting?! You don't need money that bad, and we're all exposed to whatever the fuck for coming in NOT sick.

I don't want to wake up early to do this, and considering I've already called twice, I shouldn't have to.

I realize this has the potential to become a problem and I'm trying to deal with it in a reasonable way. But, he's still an objectively amazing human, and it's okay to want to be around him.

[Kate*]

And the toilet is broken again and was running for 5 hours. What part of we need a new one are you not understanding.

[Soda_Voxel]

I am so fucking lazy

[Kate*]

You just HAD to fucking spiral me. You couldn't leave well enough alone. I don't even want to bother having the conversations because I already know the answer is that I'm permanently stuck in a catch 22 and I'm not wasting anyone's time or putting them in the position to have to crush me. Why that's suddenly making me cry when it usually doesn't is a mystery to me.

I might have to mention it to one of them in passing and see what the response is. I'm not suggesting I want or am qualified for the open one, but being stuck in this position for the next 5 years while I watch other people get promoted isn't going to work and I deserve to at least know what the options are.

[Everglow.]

Mandatory training module at work about self harm awareness. Cue image of self harm that you can't skip past .
Love that for me.

[Kate*]

"If all these other people can move up, then so can you."

Nope, that's not how it works. There has to be an opportunity available. That I'm qualified for. That my disability doesn't prevent me from meeting/completing the requirements of.

I want to ask if advancement will (not currently, but) EVER be an option for me, but this disability has crushed me SO MANY FUCKING TIMES, that I'm afraid the answer is the same one I've heard so often, and asking will just make me look stupid.

He may be an amazingly empathic human, who wants to "help me grow" but he's also brutally honest and not a miracle worker. I don't know which idea is worse, trying to push through the conversation, or watching everyone get promoted over me, knowing that I'll never have the chance.

What'd you do that for ISP?

[Kate*]

5 hours that will end up being less than that, and I'm one of the lucky ones. You are amazing, I know your hands are tied, but my bills don't give a shit why. I'm not walking away from the best managers I've ever had, but unless I get promoted, which we all know will probably never happen, it's another job, or wait it out and hope. If you really want to help me grow and don't want to lose me, prove it, and help me become more valuable.

This is the second time in 3 months I've said if not for you, I wouldn't stay.

[Dawn.]

I hate always feeling burned out.

[Dawn.]

Just one step at a time...

[Dawn.]

I'm constantly lacking motivation and I hate it.

[Kate*]

That was literally the EXACT answer I was afraid I would get. So, either you're wrong, doing it badly will have to be enough, or I'll be moving on soon. Because you just told me I have no future with the company because I'm disabled. And it should be illegal, but it's really not. And the fact that this shit keeps occurring is EXACTLY why I'm back in fucking therapy.

[Dawn.]

I can't handle feeling like this anymore...

[Kate*]

I literally can't with you. I need her for THIS exact reason. I try to explain that I have no options and that the things we did did NOTHING and I "don't need to yell" at you. But, I talk normal and you DON'T HEAR me! I give up.

[Dawn.]

I'm just physically, mentally and emotionally tired all the time.

[Kate*]

Even if you want to give me 4 hours instead of 5, I'll take it. I'm SO fucking BORED and I still have to wait until Friday to work again. That alone is reason enough that this situation better correct itself ASAP. I don't really want people to quit, and I know the full-timers have reason not to, but at least then I'd have hours without having to take another job.

You're authorized to charge the credit card for the balance I owe, but I opted out of being billed because I assumed you would verify and take payments at the time of service like always, and you don't.

[Kate*]

I'm torn about going back to work, but I definitely want my favorite manager to come back from vacation.

At some point, sure. But, not while I'm having to consider (or actually juggle) 2 jobs.

[Kate*]

Are we hiring again after you JUST said we weren't, because we don't have the hours to give as it is; and that I couldn't be considered for open positions, even if we were?! Saturday can't come soon enough. Unless my hours are back to normal, more people quit in the last 3 days, you're moving people around from within first, and/or posting it publicly is just a formality that couldn't be taken care of until you were back from vacation, you are EXPLAINING THIS.

And I only found out because I have to consider a second job because I can't get hours because you can't afford me. But, you can afford to hire and pay 2 more people!? WTF?! THIS is why I'm constantly paranoid that I'm about to be fired!

I know you hate that, but it'll be the last time and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. It's more complicated than you think and you don't get it.

[Kate*]

If that's your threshold for complaining, then I'm not your problem. My first official complaint EVER and I've had A LOT worse than you. I hope you're proud of yourself bitch.

I should've offered, but no she didn't ask that; so all I did was tell her the truth, and I'm not exactly sorry.

He never mentioned it to me, the second incident in 4 months of someone at that level going behind my back to management so I can be pulled into an office and (if I hadn't been aware enough to see it coming) blindsiding me with shit, that I thought was all but over (and this time in writing). If you're really going to have a second conversation over something this minor, then I'm telling you everything. Part of the reason he's paid more is because he's tasked with those conversations that he didn't have, and he's responsible for ensuring my break, which I didn't get. If it wasn't serious enough for him to bring up at the time, or to ask the other person to leave the office for the conversation, then he had no business going behind my back and putting it in writing. Even if it's not an official strike against me, it's out there forever now.

It's never enough is it?