Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Dawn.]

Why is everything so expensive?

[Kate*]

I'm kind of wishing I hadn't taken it after they bait and switched me, but I would probably feel the same way about any job in a new environment. It's not like doomsday anxiety, just the regular "this change in routine is horrible and going into a new environment untrained is not smart" anxiety.

[Kate*]

I'm torn between nagging and not nagging. They're disorganized enough they may have actually forgotten about me. But, part of me wants to wait and let things happen however they're going to.

[Dawn.]

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.

[Dawn.]

I can't wait to get out of that place.

I hope I hear back as soon as possible. I don't think I can last much longer there.

[Dawn.]

Let's hope I'm not overreacting.

[Starseeker]

Why do you have to put all the tasks on me? The whole place hasn't been cleaned for years and then I need to clean all the cupboards and fridges in one afternoon? And on a Saturday afternoon when I'm alone on my shift and can barely serve all the people? It's crazy. It's fine if you want to clean the place but why can't we do it somehow reasonably? Divide the duties equally among all the employees and give them enough time? Why do you always put all the tasks on my and never on other employees? You don't like me so much? I just don't understand... I liked the job but I'm fed up with this.

[Kate*]

Sometimes I look back and wonder how long I was actually taken advantage of. I think it was a lot longer than I realized. Never again.

I've learned enough about forcing things to want to leave it alone, and this is just one more red flag. But, I needed a job and you offered one, now start me, so I can get paid.

[Everglow.]

Sometimes I just think everything I say is pushed aside. My ideas are never considered, and I feel like a useless fucking spare part.

[Kate*]

You claim to have done this several times before, so why is it so fucking disorganized?! I apply for full-time, only to be told I have to reapply for part-time to be considered, which is the same time you tell me the low pay rate. Your comanager FORGOT to onboard me, I have to nag you for a start date, I have to nag you for my schedule that YOU made and DIDN'T give ME access to yet, and ONLY after checking was I told the start date was moved from Wednesday to Sunday and then this morning it's FRIDAY. I hope you didn't want me tomorrow too; because that wasn't clear enough for me to show up. You'd better get your shit together ASAP or I'll be quitting within my 90 days. This is RIDICULOUS, and you sure as hell don't pay me enough to put up with it!

And now anxiety kicks in and I am NOT okay.

[Kate*]

I survived, but holy fuck! It was the longest 8 hours of my life and everything hurts. Based on just today, I wouldn't give me the full-time, so I'm not expecting to get it. Just give me something to do that will take me as long as possible and leave me be. Otherwise I'm wandering around lost and looking stupid because it's too hard to just join a task in progress, or figure out what needs done and do it. You have to find a manager and ask for something to do. As somebody who had the same routine for almost 5 years and just did my job and went home I HATE having to constantly do that, but it's really the only way.

[Dawn.]

There's always so much to be done.

[Kate*]

I'm not comfortable yet, so this anxiety is crushing, and for some reason I got an extra pay check which isn't helping. No, I don't want to do 7.5 hours tomorrow, but at least it's slightly shorter and later, and I'll make sure to get both breaks this time. So, hopefully, it won't be as bad because I'm still sore.

But, I still don't want to go, and given a real choice I probably wouldn't. I've spent my life being in the way and here we are again.

Anxiety is crushing me again and probably will until we open. So, I don't want to go again tomorrow, even though last night was completely fine.

And it figures, I remember that there's a game I actually want to see and it's either massively delayed or postponed. Either way, with an early and LONG shift tomorrow, I'll probably miss it either way.

[Dawn.]

Let's hope this ends soon.

[Starseeker]

Every single time I have to go back to that place where we live I cry. I don't want it anymore, I want to leave you and that place and go back home, but I cannot do it, because I'm too weak.

[Soda_Voxel]

I HATE MY HEART!!!!!

[Kate*]

This no closing shifts until we open thing is bullshit. I'm exhausted. And so is the GIANT paper in the office with the schedule by initials. Get us into the system already! And WHY are we still waiting for a front door?! We have to be let in and out by a manager though the back fire exit. Pain in the ass much?!

Now you're just coming up with shit to be anxious about.
You can stop that.

Just what I wanted to deal with, a shitty manager. Or a manager in a shitty mood, I'm not sure. Who handed me a tool I've NEVER used before, and then got mad that I was too slow because I struggled with it. Bad days happen, I know you're sick and maybe pregnant? But, you don't pay me enough to put up with that long-term. So, if you don't like the way I do something, you're welcome to do it yourself!

[Starseeker]

I'm a fucking stupid piece of shit

[Everglow.]

Yep I'm positive. 2nd bout of covid.

[Kate*]

I really need a day off. Even with part-time hours, more breaks than I'm used to, and longer lunches, these long shifts that start early are killing me.

The only thing I've done so far should be done, so now I'm anxious over what I'm going to do for 8 hours tomorrow. And I really hope I'm not misinterpreting anything. It's so hard for me to tell sometimes.

[Dawn.]

Only I get myself into these type of situations.

[Soda_Voxel]

Nothing I do will ever be relevant. Nothing I do matters. There's no point in me doing anything if everyone else has already done it and better than I ever would. My life feels pointless.

[Dawn.]

I hate being so indecisive all the time.

[Kate*]

I hate feeling like I have to be babysat and then wondering if it's actually a reality and they're just being nice, or if it's really not true. They keep telling me it's fine, but I've never felt my disability more than I did today. And the stuff was easy.
Even if he isn't as good about it as the others, I can live with that, and he's not staying. But, I hate feeling like I'm taking them away from what they should be doing because I need more direction than I should.

[Kate*]

I hate that I have NO realistic idea of how I'm really doing because they're being overly encouraging to everybody. It's like I'm waiting for my first performance review to finally get the truth out of them and find out that I've been right the whole time that I really suck at this. Lucky for me, "It's damn near impossible to get fired." But, he knows I would be interested in the full-time, and at this point, I wouldn't give it to me, so I don't expect to get it. I swear this disability has never shown itself more. That either means I'm more comfortable than I've ever been, so I'm not hiding it, or this is literally the worst thing for me to be trying to do.

Being babysat again all day. On the verge of tears or quitting. He can tell me its and I'm fine all day long. But, I know its not. And its only going to get worse.

Since giving them the chance to tell me the truth isn't working and is likely driving them completely insane. New plan, shut up, and keep my guard up for the other shoe that will likely drop. I can't trust this to save my life and it's exhausting.

[Kate*]

I've never felt more in the way in my entire life. Part of your job is to train and get your job done without taking the frustration out on us who HAVE to learn everything ASAP

So, you're solution, on the most stressful day when everyone is losing their fucking minds, is to blindside me on my way out the door, on the verge of tears, with a meeting with a manager because you felt disrespected?! Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! I made it clear that I had NOT been trained, I thought I was doing it right, and rather than TEACH me, or speak to me like ADULTS, you're going to basically threaten my job because you can't avoid taking your frustration out on your subordinates?! Then you shouldn't have subordinates.

I'm sure he knows already, but I'm talking to him because if this is the threshold for write ups and firing, then you don't pay enough. I was hesitant to stay, and then you pulled this. VERY poorly handled at the WORST time to handle it. And "I won't do certain tasks" has NEVER come out of my mouth, so I don't know who told you that or where they thought they heard it because it WASN'T from me. The only thing I WON'T do is stay if this is how it is.

I hate that this is pretty much like gaslighting but it's so covert and I fucking can't even do anything about it. My employment counselor is not at all helpful, my manager is not helpful, and my co-workers aren't even genuinely kind to me. I hate being here and want to move ASAP.

[Dawn.]

I hate how much I work.

Being sick is awful, but working there is worse.

[Dawn.]

I don't know much more I can take.

When will this awful cough go away?

[Everglow.]

I'm so useless and I can't stand myself

[Kate*]

I never want to go to work, but it's almost always fine once I get there and I'm getting shorter, later shifts now with management who appreciate the hell out of me, and treat me wonderfully 99% of the time.

This is a short shift. And I still want to go home.

There are only a handful of employees and you make the schedule, and it was your idea not to have assigned areas. Why do I have to tell you I'm there so you can tell me what to do?! Especially since it's because of you that I don't know.

I fucking hate people

I'm feeling frustrated by the hatred towards this country from people who have never lived here. You can't bash a nation if you've never lived there.

[Kate*]

I hate having to tell people and get permission for everything. I came in, did my job and left for 5 years and no one gave a shit. I took my breaks when I wanted. They knew when I was there, had the schedule in front of them and left me alone.

These 7+ hour shifts are killing me. I'm a night owl, but getting home after 10, and needing 9-10 hours of sleep doesn't work great with an inconsistent schedule.

[Kate*]

Well, that figures. I finally bit the bullet and bought a new laptop, only for this one to suddenly stop having all the issues I've been putting up with for MONTHS, within less than an hour of ordering it.

STOP TALKING WITH FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH and people might know what you said

[Dawn.]

It's just one thing after the other.

[Kate*]

I really wish there was a shift option between open and close, where I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn, and also got to leave on time.

And I hope, not for the customer's sake, that when you put me on that register, it's every last bit of the worst nightmare I'm expecting and you never make me do it again. And you can say it's "attitude" and "practice" all day long, but it's fucking neurology and I've been telling you so for months.

Honestly, I'm so over being nagged, corrected and treated like a fucking child, I'm tempted to just put 2 weeks in. And you'll say I didn't give it long enough; and maybe not, but even if I go in expecting a good day and thinking I'm doing things at least well enough, I'm almost always wrong, and I wind up wanting nothing more than to go home because they're obviously about to fire me for fucking up, and the money isn't worth the stress. I'm 1/3 of my way through the 90 days and I've already cried. How long do I wait for it to get better before accepting that it just won't? I fucking hate this.

I am so over having one sort of ache after another. I just want to be healthy enough so I can focus on getting healthier.