Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Everglow.]

I just feel deflated today. And so aware of how much I hate myself.

[Dawn.]

It seems to be spiraling towards again.

I'm exhausted of living

[Dawn.]

It's surrounding me...

[Kate*]

I don't know why it took 30 minutes past my appointment time to get 2 vaccines that literally took 10 seconds, when you weren't super busy or taking walk-ins, and there was 1 person ahead of me. But, if I'm asked to, you're getting an honest review and I probably won't go back for anything. I almost asked for my card back and walked out!

And I was right. I didn't sleep.

I feel suicidal but it's less intense than it has been

[Kate*]

It's days like this I wonder if the meds stopped working. There's probably a pattern here

[Dawn.]

The sooner I'm out of there the better.

You should have waited next week to do that!

Damn you COVID, getting worse once again.

[Kate*]

I have to get out; at this point, even a pay cut with more hours would be more money. 10 hours 3 weeks in a row. It's like I only have a job because they don't have reason to fire me.

[Dawn.]

I can do this...

I'm tired of being alive. Tired of wanting to die

[Kate*]

On top of everything else, it was FUCKING NEPOTISTIC too?! Either you treat management better than everyone else, I caught you on a bad day (which doesn't justify the rest), or you have an issue with me. Perhaps because I call you on your bullshit? And we've gone from consistently the best store in the region to one of the worst in 6 months since he left and you took over. Coincidence, I doubt it.

[Dawn.]

It's just one thing after the other...

[Starseeker]

I banged my head against the wall today. I just felt like doing it and couldn't resist. I wish I could tell my boyfriend about this situation, but I won't because I don't want to worry him.

[Kate*]

I'm NOT okay. This is the right thing, but it doesn't feel good. Anxiety is up, and the part of me that hates change wishes everything could go back to the way it was when things were so good. But they won't; if anything they're going to get worse and I just can't anymore. But, change is scary and leaving them is sad!

Assuming you were closed because of the snow, or possibly you're just ghosting me. But, could you at least have the decency to cancel a phone interview before you just don't call?

I don't want to fucking do this!!!! I'm one day into this shit and the stress is already killing me.

[Dawn.]

Decision after decision...

[Dawn.]

I hate stressing about every little thing.

[Kate*]

Yep, literally just went from an interview to suicidal in less than 5 seconds. FUCK Covid making me record myself, FUCK anxiety for making it worse. I give up trying to better my life, I'll just fucking die instead. I'm never going to get another job, I'll be just as awkward in person and I just can't. After 2 God damn days, I'd rather be dead than deal with this shit for the rest of my miserable life.

[Dawn.]

So much to do in so little time.

[Dawn.]

I love having an anxious mind all the time.

[Starseeker]

It's stressing me very much

[Kate*]

You realize yelling at me because I'm not ready to do what you want, is NOT the way to get me to do what you want, right? What it's going to get you is blocked.

[Dawn.]

I really need to stop doing this to myself.

[Kate*]

The information is SAVED in here, WHY can't I get into my bank account?! You have 24 hours to fix this or I'm throwing a tantrum on Monday

[Dawn.]

I'm just so emotionally, mentally and physically drained from work today...

[Starseeker]

I cut myself. I cut myself for the first time since 3 years ago. I'm nothing. I'm useless. I'm inadequate. I'm trash. I should be dead.

Tired of the boredom and unproductivity.

[Dawn.]

I just can't wait until all of this just stops.

[Kate*]

If trauma has taught me anything, it's that as much as you may deserve, want, and be capable of something, doesn't mean it'll happen for you. I need to get out, but my chances are bleak at best.

I wish I could erase certain triggers from my brain forever! Just be fucking normal and not get PTSD responses!

[Kate*]

I was afraid of this, I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

[Dawn.]

I really need to stop doing so much.

[Soda_Voxel]

I need to stop getting upset over things that are fine. Ugh.

[Dawn.]

I wish I wasn't so indecisive all the time.

[Kate*]

This is the worst. It's time to go, I know I need a new job, but I can't bring myself to return any calls or go on any interviews. The necessary changes in routine, anxiety, and underlying mental bullshit from years of trauma, I just can't. But I have to.

[Soda_Voxel]

I'm really, really scared. I feel so close to doing it. It's scary how I don't see a problem with it.

This blizzard is really intrusive and I wish all winter forecast would go away.

[Kate*]

ONE shift, on a FUCKING SUNDAY?! I don't care if you claim it's not personal, it is and it's FUCKED UP,

And just know that I will NOT blame the company for screwing me. I lay this one squarely on YOUR shoulders!

[Dawn.]

I hope it was enough to recover mentally and emotionally.