Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Mindfulness.]

I wish I was more motivated.

[Everglow.]

I'm tired of being me

[Tigereyes]

Fuck everything. If I sleep at my apartment, I have to leave all doors and windows open because it's so damn hot (outside too, but slightly less overnight) and maintanence won't fix ac. It's summer weather still. Maybe I'll get lucky and I'll be the next victim of the nightly shootings in this city.

[Tigereyes]

According to almost everyone, I'm supposed to just suffer. Well fuck that. I deserve better. And if the only way to give myself better is through death's release, then I'll just have to follow the plan I delayed (in case things got better). I don't want to die. I want life to get better. I've stopped hating myself and all that, but my life still fucking sucks, and there's nothing I can do to make it better. If it can look like an accident, apparently my AD&D benefit will at least cover my debt, so no one will be burdened beyond initial grief. Not wanting to burden anyone with my debt was a major reason I was forcing myself to stay alive.

[Mindfulness.]

I don't want to go back to my full-time job next week. I've had a good 2 week vacation.

[Kate*]

Considering what happened last time, I have to assume, and emotionally prepare for the worst case scenario.

I haven't slept and I feel awful. I know that not sleeping is likely the cause but I am feeling like I want to die

[Mindfulness.]

I just want more motivation.

[Celyn]

Headache. Need a good night's sleep!

[Tigereyes]

I don't have enough reasons to stay alive much longer. Why should I?

Another night of not sleeping

[Mindfulness.]

Urgh, I hate how my self-doubt gets in the way.

[Tigereyes]

My parents say the love me... but they don't act like it. They only love me conditionally. The love the idea they have of me. Not who I really am....

[Kate*]

[size="2"]They cut my hours, but the shifts are longer and I'm back to working all weekend. I suppose I should be glad I have a job, but the people who say that should REALLY do it with me before judging. I complain for a reason

[And, I have to decide whether a flu shot is worth it. I can get my prescription renewed over the phone, or so can do it in person and get a flu shot at the same time. But, since I can't drive it's a huge pain in the ass sin e mom would have to wait in the car./SIZE]

[Tigereyes]

After I vote against Trump, I'm probably enacting my plan. Goodbye, I'm sorry. It is best for everyone if I go. There's no hope, no help, no relief. Only pain and suffering.

[Mindfulness.]

I just want someone to give me a chance.

[Starseeker]

You showed me this song and I love it. I want to listen to it all day. But the thing is, it reminds me of you when I should be thinking about everything but you.

[Everglow.]

How can I be working 'covid secure' when we're testing at above pre-covid capacity and the store has up to 30 people in at at any one time. Triaging is all well and good, but if we have no rules on walk ins how can I be sure I'm safe? I feel like this company doesn't care about anything other than money.

[Tigereyes]

I'm in too much pain to function. For days. If I stop taking care of myself, maybe I'll get lucky and pass on.

[Tigereyes]

Too much pain to tolerate much food.. :/ again. Last time it was physical. Couldn't eat much for weeks. But physical wounds often heal, and those did eventually. Emotional wounds sometimes never heal. Perhaps it is too late for me. The only way I can stay alive is by never being sober.

[Tigereyes]

Please help.. please someone... anyone. Just listen. Just.. anything. Is there anyone out there who cares?

I hope tomorrow never comes.

[Kate*]

He's SELLING personal items to keep his non-profit afloat and I don't have enough to help.

[Everglow.]

So you expect me to be fully flexible with my working days, and yet you're not willing to let me have weekends off? I'm not about to do you favours if you're not going to do me any back. I'm struggling enough as it is without not knowing my hours or days and doing even more days than I do now. The jobs not worth it. I fucking hate it there and I feel like I'm going to break down soon.

[Everglow.]

I just have no motivation or interest in anything anymore

[Mindfulness.]

I can't do this anymore. I couldn't bear to relapse.

[Kate*]

I definitely think I've been blocked by at least one person. Which, considering I was irrational at the time, and sincerely apologized, is just immature; but maybe I'm being paranoid.

[Everglow.]

I already don't have the motivation for tomorrow.

[Kate*]

Been sick all day. At least I was off today and should be fine tomorrow.

[Starseeker]

Still no word from you? How dare you?

[Everglow.]

I'm trying to be honest so people know whats going on with me lately and it just feels like nobodys interested. I'm not saying it for an excuse..I just need someone to know so I'm not alone right now.

[Mindfulness.]

I really hope we both come back negative.

[Everglow.]

My grandad has cancer. As if 2020 couldn't get any worse.

*Mention of self-harm*

I'm wiping the blood off while I wait for her to respond. I feel like I am losing my mind.

[Starseeker]

Really? Really that's what you decided to do? I thought it wasn't possible to go any lower. Fuck off you dickhead

[Kate*]

It's so hard to tell with him. She's either okay because he's not talking about it, or not, and he's avoiding it or working through his stuff before he updates.

[Everglow.]

So we're picking and choosing when to follow regulations now? What's the point? Why do half a job when you could just do all of it?

[Mindfulness.]

Urgh, I was too tired and anxious to engage in self care today.

[Tigereyes]

I am actually at the end of my rope. Was just told by the one person I trust to push myself through the pain until it kills me or I kill myself. Because it's not bad enough to die. Right before that, I was trying not to kill myself today. Because for me, it was bad enough to die. Now even more so.

Shut the fuck up and leave me alone.

Ugh, their obnoxious voices are still echoing in my head four hours later.