Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Mindfulness.]

They need to get over themselves.

[Everglow.]

Ignored a call from my manager today because I'm worried I'll be called back into work. It's not that I don't want to go back to work at all, but I'm still really anxious about catching something because of having to get two trains there.

[Tigereyes]

"Talk to someone else about this." Like who?

[Tigereyes]

If life keeps fucking me over and won't let me get support, I am going to kill myself. I can't take it anymore. And there's no reason to.

[Tigereyes]

"Just make friends." Yeah sure, I'll just do that somehow in isolation. The past 6 whole fucking years have proved that I can't do it normally. I'm sure I can pull it off now.

[Mindfulness.]

I need to stop getting my hopes up.

[Everglow.]

Almost certainly going back to work next week. I'm going to catch the virus on the trains and die.

I hope I don't lose my cool tomorrow.

[Kate*]

Being triggered sucks, and 2 days in a row...

[Tigereyes]

So much makes me so hopeless.

[Kate*]

If it's not one issue, it's another. Hopefully, you're taking care of that for me and I don't have to do it. Meanwhile I'm almost out.

And I REALLY don't want to go back to work tomorrow! At least it's less hours and I get Wed. and the whole weekend off, but still.

[Mindfulness.]

I hope I don't get my hopes up.

[Tigereyes]

I'm tired of being beyond exhausted every second of every day for the past 14 years, knowing that it'll never improve and could get even worse.

[Odyne]

soooo tired

[Kate*]

Um... FUCK NO I'm not picking up YOUR slack from when I was gone. I don't care if we're getting inspected. I am sick to DEATH of your holier than thou attitude, your disrespect, and you LAZY ass. I'm letting management know it's YOUR job, and if we overlap that day, I'm NOT doing it for you!

[Mindfulness.]

I just want it to be a yes.

[Tigereyes]

Been doing informal case study on myself to figure out what's making this fatigue so bad. I'm about to formally gather and reference the peer-reviewed articles I've read and compare to my database of test results, and write a paper to show my doctor.

I struggled so much to get my bio degree from college because of fighting untreated severe fatigue. Now I'm going to use my degree to try to get myself some treatment.

I feel so shitty

[Everglow.]

I'm so so so nervous about my presentation on Thursday. Second guessing myself even though I was semi-happy with my slideshow a couple of weeks ago. I hate public speaking even if it's online.

Anxiety is a bitch

[Everglow.]

Back to work on Sunday. Bring on the panic attacks.

I am done with this week. Don't want next week to come either though..

[Everglow.]

Banking is so stressful. Hope I've done this right...Totally not ready to be a proper adult apparently.

[Mindfulness.]

I just want to be on a good, stable career path.

[Tigereyes]

My entire life prior to quarentine doesn't feel real. Whatever new normal this is has taken over as an altered state, and everything else belongs to a stranger I can never quite reach.

[Everglow.]

Feels like I can't breathe again. I hate this so much.

[Tigereyes]

Only reason I might not kill myself is that I don't have the same access to deadly means that I once did. Shit gets worse. I'm done.

[Kate*]

Lesson learned, Once you punch out for your meal break STAY UPSTAIRS I get 10 instead of 30 minutes because people kept wanting shit. I don't mind walking him over there, but I'm not answering the phone. I told you I was punched out 3 TIMES!

[Tigereyes]

I can't sleep or eat. Which I guess is good because I need to cut back on buying essential groceries anyway.

[Tigereyes]

I can't go on anymore, and I don't want to. Oh and guarenteed that the next few years of my life--if I don't die within a couple weeks--will only get even fucking worse. Yes, I should have killed myself before when I had the means to. That's my biggest regret now. Not killing myself before this. Because now I'm choosing between a COVID death, starvation death, or suicide. Suicide can be much quicker than either of the other two. I don't hate myself anymore, so don't I deserve the path of least suffering?

I wonder how long it would take for people to notice

[Mindfulness.]

I wish I was happy with my career path like I'm happy with everything else in life.

[Tigereyes]

Dear life,
What the actual fuck.

[Everglow.]

I'm so anxious about work tomorrow. Going to a store that isn't mine, with people I don't know, getting public transport for the first time in 3 months. I wish I was still on furlough. It's not fair that other people haven't been called back and I have.

[Tigereyes]

I really might have to kill myself this time. My life is over.

[Mindfulness.]

I just want answers already.

[Tigereyes]

Tomorrow, all hell breaks loose to ruin my life completely, forever. Maybe instead of planning for that, it's time to plan how to end it and make sure I don't fail.

[Everglow.]

Work was pointless today. Locum didn't show up. I don't feel protected. I didn't even want to go back.

[Mindfulness.]

I can't wait for these next couple of weeks to be over.

[Tigereyes]

Time's up.