Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Tigereyes]

Fuck job searching.

Maybe one cut wouldn't be so bad.

I know I am close to three years free but I don't know that I care.

[Tigereyes]

Starting every day with fatigue level 8-9 out of 10, which only gets progressively worse. But I'm just lazy.

Also student loan payments will be due starting August 2nd, which is apparently less than 2 weeks away. Havent mentally prepared for that. Also, I don't have a job besides a few hours per week for my parents..

[Celyn]

Feel selfish. Feel like I ruin things. Feel like a burden. Feel sick after reading something and wondering if that's how others see me too.

I've got a pretty bad headache but I can't go home

[Everglow.]

My grandad has had 2 fits this week, and still no MRI results to find out why. I'm worried that there wont be time. Like my nan.

I'm so anxious. I can't cope

[Tigereyes]

Would you rather me die than take a few days off?

Don't want to be here

[Starseeker]

I miss your touch so fucking much

I'd rather not come to work tomorrow

Moving on from the past is hard. Trying to forget people is harder. Forgiving yourself is the hardest.

I am panicking hard core. Not sure what I am panicking about exaclty but I am. Too much change in a short amount of time

[Tigereyes]

Too burnt out to care that I have another second interview. Never seem to get past the second interview anyway, so why bother getting my hopes up just to be let down again. I'm beyond hopeless. I feel like I'm in a permanently altered state from a combination of constant high stress, sleep deprivation, fatigue, anxiety, dissociation, and way too much caffeine and sugar. But everyone keeps telling me I'm lazy for wanting just ONE day off out of the whole week, that I should push harder and longer or I'm a disappointment. My body is quitting on me. Shutting down. How much caffeine, sugar, and stress/anxiety does it take for me to have a heart attack? Because that's the road I'm on at this point. Working myself to the point of dizziness, nausea, panic attacks, and mircosleeps isn't taken seriously by you. That's apparently me being dramatic and lazy and hurting you by "not trying hard enough." Maybe a heart attack would make you take me seriously. And if it kills me, I don't care because at least this all would finally end.

[Everglow.]

What's the point in looking? Never going to happen anyway. So fed up of it all.

Headache... .... .... ...

[Tigereyes]

In danger of my parents finding out I'm queer.. I can't leave the house. I want to die even more.

[Clarent]

We'll see if I get fired or not. Fuck their logistics and fuck their organisation.

I shouldn't be so stressed, but I'm absolutely horrified.

[Everglow.]

Don't know why today all I feel like doing is pushing everyone I've ever spoken to away and hiding under a blanket until I die.

[Tigereyes]

I promised myself I'd hold on until the concert next week.

Now I'm not sure I can even make it that much longer. I'm sorry...

I'm feeling overwhelmed and anxious.

All I can do is fall asleep and hope tomorrow goes OK.

I'm hoping things work out the way I wanted them too.

[Tigereyes]

My severe anxiety has mostly gone away because I've given up hope, so I no longer care about the outcomes.

[Everglow.]

Spent all day angry at everything. Completely hate myself and it's no wonder everyone else does too.

[Tigereyes]

I couldn't go to the huge networking event. The anxiety was too much. Depression too. I know I'm a disappointment. This time it is my fault. But fuck it all anyway. Not like I'll get a job anyway. Who the fuck would want to hire me? Clearly no one out of almost 400 employers. But that's okay. Soon I'll be gone. No one will notice one less application. Or care. I'm just a burden on my friends and family. So, I'll be doing everyone a favor.

Paid over $300 toward my student loans today. First payment. Still no real job. There goes the money I was hoping would go toward me leaving this broken home... There goes my last shred of hope. Forever.

[Tigereyes]

I've been trying to write about the trauma from the past however many years to heal from it but my brain just tries to bury it deeper every time I do. So how am I supposed to face it? How am I supposed to heal? How am I supposed to move forward?

[Celyn]

I haven't slept properly in the last few nights and it's starting to get to me. I overthink and read something and feel like a bad person and I'm just going to ruin things. Once again I'm left to feel selfish, a burden, a drain and an overall annoyance. It's so hard to try to keep in control of things, more so when I don't see the effort paying off. Wish I could accept me and others accept me, just the way I am too.

Hopefully just a few more days before I hear something. Hate waiting.

I don't understand my brain.

[MyVisionIsDying]

I cannot believe I had the misfortune of being friends with such a parasite of a person for so long.

[Everglow.]

Even when I say specifically that nobody likes spending time with me, the conversation gets breezed over and doesn't happen.

[jujubi]

my ear buds broke half way through the walk and I swear my morale dropped with it. I don't have anything to drown him out now.

I don't feel like I can do this.

I'm security sucks

I feel like I’m losing my shit.

I'm slightly panicked

[Mindfulness.]

This assignment I am doing needs to complete itself.

Other people do have my worries... I just have an extreme response to the worries because anxiety...

[Celyn]

I'm tired and have a headache. Why does seemingly everyday ordinary things take the energy out of me?

Also, worried I won't hear back until September. My own fault for leaving it late but it doesn't make the waiting any easier.

[Odyne]

WHY ME?!
Go away, stupid eating disorder.

[Odyne]

Things are just hard.

[Odyne]

This is just UNFAIR

Does everyone think I'm just a whiny, "triggered" bitch? Does J think so?