Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Tigereyes]

I wish everyone would stop giving me that "everything will be okay" bullshit! Until you can point to concrete evidence that suggests it MIGHT be okay eventually, please just don't. Because as much as I want to believe it, there's no reason to believe it'll be okay.

Headache and have about forty minutes left today.

Just want to go home. Finish listening to this audio book and go to sleep.

Tomorrow is Friday but it's gonna be the first of the month and it gets hectic this time

My anxiety is ramped up. I just need to get through this day and it's the weekend. I just need to go home and sleep.

Applied for that job but have been hearing bad things about the department. Four more months and I'll be off of probation.

[Tigereyes]

Never thought I'd say this.. but I really wish I could afford counseling/therapy right now.

Please let me die!!!!!

I'm a screw up

[Celyn]

I shouldn't have read that because now I feel so much worse.

The day is over but all I can think about is death. Good thing I have a psych appointment today. I get to tell him all about my depression.

If I died would anyone care?

Maybe, maybe not.

[Tigereyes]

1 year death anniversary tomorrow...

[Everglow.]

I'm gonna be panicking all night now. I hope everything's ok.

[Everglow.]

he should be ok but I really worried then and don't feel much like sleeping tonight now. Too busy going through my mind about all the time I haven't spent with him instead.

[Tigereyes]

Things went so far downhill so fast..

I want to die.

My vacation seems to be so far away.

Who'd care if I weren't here? No one? Probably.

Cool. I'm having anxiety.

[Starseeker]

None of my classmates cared to reply to my kind request. It doesn't matter how helpful I've always been to them, none cared to reply. And the person I thought I was colleagues with (forget about being friends with anyone, lol) is now ostentatiously ignoring me. We're supposed to be doing a presentation together which is due in a week. I asked him to do only the 1/3 of all the work. I had asked for it to be done two weeks ago. I had asked politely. What came out of it? Fucking nothing. I cared to remind him like five times or something already. What? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No word about it.
I HATE YOU! I WILL NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU, HELL YOU WOULDN'T GO ANYWHERE WITH ME EVEN THOUGH YOU CLAIM SO, AM I WRONG? I HATE YOU ALL!!!
cunts

So fucking tired. Where did all my energy go? Been going to bed early and waking late.

[Tigereyes]

Can't even get a crappy job and each day that passes brings me a day closer to student loans being due. Each day makes me feel more alone and suicide seem like an even better option than before.

[Fanatic]

I got so emotional today, that I thought I was going to die today. I almost killed myself. Life feels meaningless and empty. Purposeless. Without any way of escape from these feelings and I feel like I might really die from these actions someday. I’m scared but determined to get rid of my existence in this world.

[Tigereyes]

My student debt has already accumulated so much interest even though I still have 4 months of the grace period. The numbers are increasingly scary. I wish I could pay at least the interest right now but I don't have an income at all..

[Tigereyes]

Whatever I do or don't do, say or don't say makes things bad. When I try to fix it, I only make it worse..

[Celyn]

A two day headache is just what I wanted

[Tigereyes]

It feels like these depressing songs are my only friend.. The only true connection I have left..

[Starseeker]

I'd love to have anyone to talk to

Had to call in sick and I feel badly about that. My work mates probably had to take on some of my work and they are going to have to help me later in the month as well. God I hate myself.

[Tigereyes]

i'm motivated to fix everything ASAP but also hopeless that it'll ever get better, especially in the short few months I have to fix everything before it gets so much worse. I'm at a loss for what to do, I have no one to turn to, no one to listen. If I don't get my shit together in time, I'm probably going to end it. That thinking got me through last semester. It almost killed me, but I wouldn't be here today without it. It's easier to get shit together when you live like you only have less than six months left to live.. Maybe it'll work, maybe it'll backfire. But it's the only way I can keep myself from giving up now.

I'm stressed and tired and just want the day to end. I really only have 13 minutes left but I can't go home till after 3!

[Starseeker]

WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING ME! Why did you have to appear in my life?!

I'm a failure. Plain and simple.

[Tigereyes]

How you treated me the other night might be unforgiveable..

This anxiety is the worst

[Resilient]

I DO NOT DRINK EXCESSIVELY!!! SO WHY IN THE HELL DO I HAVE A BAD LIVER? I eat healthy and have been doing some minor exercising, so WTF?

[Fanatic]

Can’t express enough how people can be so fucking disappointing and incompetent. Main reason I can’t trust humans. If I have to bottle up all of these fucking feelings again, I think I might explode and die. I do not want to fucking live another day if I have to be silent once more to fucking satisfy people and put on a mask to be “happy”. It’s so suffocating. I don’t even know if I’m even saveable anymore. I feel so fucking hopeless nothing feels worth it anymore.

[Everglow.]

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It's her in all this week and the only person I really like working with at the moment is off for my next two shifts.

Just have to get through this.

I'm going go take a day off in April and I think that will be nice. I'll get a three day weekend.

[Tigereyes]

Can't even get a shitty minimum wage job. How the fuck am I supposed to believe that it'll end up okay? What support do I have? I've lost all motivation to try to figure out a career or even apply to ANY jobs because it seems like a hopeless waste of time. Why does everyone say it'll work out, when it actually DOESN'T work out for so many people? What kind of entitled bullshit is that? IT's not fucking fair. I don't have energy to get ready in the morning for the rest of the day, so I certainly don't have energy to face the rest of the day. I'm living off of caffeine pills again, just to get by, but I still can't do enough. My parents just remind me how far behind I am. Tell me that soon everyone else who's graduating in spring will be applying for these jobs too. I don't know where to start. I feel so hopelessly lost. All I can think is that I have no money saved if I don't have a good paying job by July--so I won't be able to pay for rent, food, or student loans. I will probably relapse on opiates or attempt suicide (or both) if I have to move back in with my parents, but apparently that's my problem, and no one else gives a fuck. So why should I? If that's how it's going to end, why keep suffering now? Why not kill myself now? Or at least, can't I just take something to numb these feelings? Then at least I could be productive enough to stand a chance...

Why do you torture me so?!

[Tigereyes]

I really need to go for another long car ride and scream as loud as I can..

I don't want to go back, but I know I should, but I also know I probably won't stay sober if I do. I barely got by last time and only did because I was so busy. If I spend my money, you'll eventually put it together. I can't let that happen. I don't have extra money. Maybe I should've just gone with my usual plan. I need something, or I will do so much worse. I'm at the edge. So what if it ends up being harm reduction?