Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[pastlifepoet]

I write poems and like just 1 can take forever, or 5 can come at once. Stuff comes to fruition at different rates and we all struggle with motivation but that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying. Every voice is unique, the world needs yours

And woo I worked out how to reply to things. I should really get some sleep it was so obvious where the button was

[TraitorBaby]

I'm gonna lose him... His lupus is getting worse and now his kidneys are failing and I don't know what to do. No one will help me. We don't have money for crazy treatments that are only going to treat his symptoms.
I can't lose him. He's all I have. He's my whole world. My only family, were in th is together. Alone in the world. I wouldn't know how to get through this life without him.

[Everglow.]

Part of me doesn't want to get my hopes up but the other part of me NEEDS this weekend away like you couldn't believe. Please don't change your mind again.

Quarter to six.
Sleepiness begins on schedule.
Great.

I feel inadequate

[Tigereyes]

This anxiety is so bad and I just wanted a hug but you had to make me feel worse about myself and I didn't even get the hug I needed but I'm not suppposed to need hugs anyway. Don't need hugs if I can drown myself in a bottle. Helps with the anxieyt. Fucking shit, I ruined everything. Fuck ttrying to make things better it only ever backfires. Fuc k me. I want to die. Recovery sucks and I don't want it. I'm tired of this fucking bullshit. No relief is all that my life is.

Went to bed too early anke up too early.

[Kate*]

I have no idea whose brilliant idea this was, but I'm guessing they won't be helping to remove everything from under the tables. I don't need to work out for the rest of my life.

Boring day today. Too much reading.

[Kate*]

Either she lied to me or you screwed me. She said you were supposed to help me your whole shift. I didn't even see you! Part of me thinks you're avoiding me, but I'm pretty sure that's just me being paranoid.

Today I find out the truth about you
Will you help me, will you completely blow me off, or will you hover and criticize?

I am worthless and I talk to much

[Tigereyes]

I hate being sober because then I make everything worse when I am. I just want to get high so that I stop bothering everyone with my problems because then my problems won't matter enough to bother anyone in the first place.

I am fat.
Waste money on food.

I hate myself.

Did good all week until Yesterday and today hasn't been much better

[Kate*]

I worked my ass off for the third day in a row because my "help" abandoned me three days in a row, this is the stupidest fucking rule, and you asked the WRONG fucking question. And in my defense, you started it. "All those boxes" that "weren't even open!" there were at least 20 fucking more before you were even over there and I got rid of all of them. They HAD all been opened or I knew what the fuck was in them and it wasn't what you fucking wanted. You're lucky my little bit of attitude was all you got after that bitch. NO WE DIDN'T HAVE MORE OF THOSE!!!! I almost wish you had asked for a manager because YOU started it and she knew EXACTLY what I had been doing all fucking day!!!

If you call me in tomorrow, there is no way in hell I'm going in. You were supposed to help me 3 days in a row and you blew me off, so I'm not going in on my day off because I couldn't manage to get enough done ALONE when I was actually scheduled. If you want it done so damn bad, you can go in and do it yourself like you should've been doing in the first place!

You do this shit all the time.
You're missing forks or mugs or something and you blame us.
Fun fact I use plastic forks and plates if possible. If I can't I wash my dishes the night I use them. All the mugs you had out there were mine and I took them back because I was worried you'd break them.
You blame us when the kitchen is a mess yet we do our dishes all the time. It's so easy to blame us but you all are gross. You let dishes sit in the sink till they stink. You left trash when you went on vacation and the house stunk so we took it out. We don't even use that trash can.
You guys are lazy and dirty. We might not be the cleanest but we don't let things pile up like that.

[nothereanymore]

I’m so tired of having dreams about you ffs

I'm unimportant.
I hate my life.
Why though? Things are going so well and here I still am

[Mercredi.the.giant]

I love him more than I've loved anyone or anything. Ever since I met him my life has been a little lighter and I've laughed a little longer. I want him to love me and walk with me in the woods and lay with me on the beach and tell me that the stars were made for me and that I was important and I wanted him to have a life with me. But I gotta be the supportive third wheel and slap on a stupid fucking grimace and "oh how nice" and "sounds fun" and "glad you had a good time" but I don't think I can anymore. It's too painful. The wait isn't worth the tears. But I can't move on. Every time I've tried has just ended with the feelings getting worse and quite frankly I wish I never met him.

I have absolutely no patience for anyone or anything today. F**k you! I do know what I am talking about.
Feelings of dread in the pit of my stomach. If I say anything people will say "It's because it's Sunday and you are dreading work".
I am not. Not in the way normal people do. I want to go back to work. I want to have something to do but I just have this goddamn dread.

[TraitorBaby]

I don't even have friends on here.... I'm literally just talking to myself because no one else will. I say I like to be alone but I don't I'm just used to it. I'm scared of it. Traumatized by it. The pain is amplified when you know that you are utterly, completely alone. It's just too much. I just want someone to connect with. Act like a fucking human again.

[Kate*]

I can't wait until getting a haircut doesn't involve dealing with her for WAY longer than necessary. It doesn't count as a day off if I have to spend it dealing with her bullshit.

I hate myself more and more each day.
I feel so damn useless and uncertain.

How do I make this work?

[Celyn]

I feel like utter crap. All I want to do is break down and cry. I have no idea what I want to do in life. If I wait, I'll have to find something else to do for an entire year. And if I take the chance, I don't know how I would deal with it. Every day I feel tired, have headaches, feel upset etc. Knowing more stress lies ahead...I can't see beyond that.

I'm an incompetent piece of shit.
Can't even handle simple tasks

[TraitorBaby]

Day 1: shamed me about my keys, and not washing dishes straight out the door.
Second week without meds: his tail and paws are almost completely raw and he cries whenever you touch him. They still make no effort to get him to the vet.

[nothereanymore]

You killed her. How are you not in jail by now?

I feel worthless and like I should cut.
No one will get it.
I worry I'll fail because I am struggling with this person

[Kate*]

I'm not sure what this feeling is, but I don't like it very much. And I'm expecting work to suck until we get everything put out and sold down to a reasonable level. God knows when that will happen. Plus, hormones are evil.

[Everglow.]

Feeling shit about myself so instead of getting ready to go out I'm laying down. Fun times

Drank coffee and now I have a headache. This is quite awesome. Have to get through 8 hours of work like this.

[Everglow.]

Nearly cried on the bus today purely because I got up to let someone sit down and they said no so I got embarrassed. Spent all day with the hump, wishing I could be invisible. Started getting snappy at my friends and I don't like that. Need this to stop before I upset someone.

[Storyteller.]

My coping mechanism just went south and now I feel like crying.

Didn't sleep good last night so have no desire to be here and it's only 8am

I don't know why I am not working tomorrow, I really wish I could go in then instead of Friday.

At least the season has ended and there's nothing to keep me up on Thursday night for now.

I am worthless an just keep spending money I don't have

I’m dancing at the edge of a cliff and I don’t care if I fall off. Anything to lose the weight again. Anything to be small enough that I can’t be hurt anymore.

[Kate*]

You're being surprisingly okay about the fact that I'm not taking off of work for you. I know better than to get my hopes up though.

[nothereanymore]

I would rather kill myself than go to work and be miserable and look stupid in front of everyone and embarrass myself.

Dreading work and can't help but want to scream. I don't hate it, everything is just unorganized and I worry I will not pass.

Stupid wandering brain.