Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[nothereanymore]

I’d be suicidal even if I were all you had. Don’t ask me to stay for you. Don’t ask me to stay just because she died. That’s not fair. That’s not how this works.

[Kate*]

My life is missing something, but I'm afraid adding anymore to it will make me even more of a burden to you. And you wanted me to get another job yet complain and have to juggle shit around just to get me to the one I have!

This shit right here is why I ignore you. You need to stop taking things so personally (which I know is hard because I used to do it) and learn to let things go!

Anxiety has been so crappy lately. I'll be okay because I always am but everything feels so crappy right now.

[Everglow.]

I'm disgusting and everybody knows it

I am SOOOO sad. Not sure why. I do know that my appointment is coming up on Monday so I could talk to him about it.

It’s painful for me to sit or lean on anything that’s not soft because my bones are sticking out. But I can’t complain because I brought this upon myself.

[nothereanymore]

Yuuup play the pity party because I told you to leave me alone because you’re smothering me. I’m horrible and you’re just fine.

Please don't leave me...not yet.

I asked you over and over and you keep ignoring me. It's really fucking annoying. I'll only ask one more time

my RHR is too low. my blood pressure is too low. my vitals are all out of whack and I’m terrified but I’m still not skinny. I’m not even thin. I don’t have an eating disorder.

Awesome. I am a failure.

I know they probably were considering me for the position... but I didn't get it ... so that consideration doesn't matter.

I have another interview coming up so I'll just have to be sure to tailor the questions to the position...but IDK. I feel defeated. I am going to end up homeless.

[Kate*]

Hormones are evil. I just hope I feel better so I can get enough sleep.

Working weekends has made me hate people and lose all faith in humanity.

I hope this month is better than last. I doubt it to be honest

[Fanatic]

Why the fuck does it feel like people are against me at my work? I feel terrible as fuck right now yet im still working. I definitely hate people and being around them right now. I just want to be alone right now...4 more hours to go

[Celyn]

I feel useless at the moment because I'm just so tired. It's also hard trying to carrying on as normal when there is upheaval

My head has been hurting since 2am. I was able to get a some relief through sleep but it's back. More medication but I doubt it will work.

My plans are ruined

[Kate*]

One more shift, but its a Sunday shift. But pizza and 2 days off when its over

I feel so broken.
NOTHING is appealing to me. I have been reading a fair bit but the books bore me and I find myself skimming a fair bit.
Maybe I'll go watch a show. I have been wanting to watch the Handmaid's tale. The concept of trying to watch tv doesn't appeal to me either

[nothereanymore]

I love waking up to you screaming and cussing. It’s the best. Really.
I feel for how unhappy you must be to act like this all the time. You’ll never learn. You don’t even care to.

[London_grace]

It's hard.

[Kate*]

Applications are still going to make me anxious, but I probably won't even hear from them, it's more part-time, and I feel like transitioning into a second field gives me a better chance when I'm ready to get out of retail. I don't know if you realize that I don't plan on quitting my job. Most people there carry two or even three jobs and if Medicaid is going to be this big or a pain in the ass every year, I'd rather make enough money to not qualify at all, but that means I'd be paying for everything out of pocket.

I shouldn't have agreed to going tonight. I don't know too many people that are going to be there. I suppose it will be okay. I can be social for an hour or two and head home?

idk ... kind of want to ditch but I can't do that because I already committed

[nothereanymore]

Ah, yes. MY anger is immature, but YOUR anger is just fine.
Fucking psycho double standard having ass bitch.

I feel like such a terrible fucking person!

[Kate*]

I hate this.

[London_grace]

I'm tired!

I don't feel worthy of love

[London_grace]

Everything is getting too me!

I think it needs to happen soon

[Kate*]

I need this to be processed so it can be done and I need my insurance fixed asap. Why is this so fucking hard?!

I'm thinking a lot about leaving all this behind.

[Kate*]

So, apparently I picked the absolute wrong day to pay a loan off because this happens to be the weekend where the system is behind itself and it wants to make me think I owe $600

This is EXACTLY what I was afraid of by the way. Not only do I acknowledge that I'm not perfect, but I think we become just like the group we ran from if you start doing this.

I keep asking myself why
Why did I survive
Why did I do all these things
Why am I here

I know today ... is just a bad day ... but I seem to be having a lot of those

They issue is ... I am coming off as a lot more functional....and that's scary because it makes it easier to lie

[London_grace]

I can't stop what I'm doing, the feeling is to strong and I just give in.
That's what happened tonight! I'm a horrible person!

I have no idea what is wrong with me.
I have to be okay

[Kate*]

Suggest a little personal responsibility and get attacked. Make a point against victim-blaming, get removed. Yeah, this is TOTALLY different then what we ran from.

Weekend shifts are the absolute WORST. I might have to take one off again.

I feel like I'm not allowed to eat anymore. If I eat, then I gain weight. If I gain weight, then I'm not actually sick. If I'm not actually sick, then I really, really don't deserve help. I can rationalize getting sicker because it means I'm deserving of help, but isn't the purpose of help is to get me healthy again? I realize that it's not that I'm irrational, it's that I'm unreasonable. My rationalizing skills are perfectly sufficient, it's the reasoning ones that need work.

[London_grace]

Come on! Why can't you stop this? Again I did it and the feeling was so strong and I had to and I really hate myself right now! I need help with this.

[Starseeker]

fucking Ghost is fucking metal period

[SkyFall]

everything is always my fault