Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

Why am I so heartless?

[nothereanymore]

So me limping and hobbling is being dramatic, but her stomping around and slamming things and yelling at inanimate objects is just fine? What the fuck?

I'm probably going to regret this for the rest of my life. I might move on. I might not. But I'll always regret this.

[Kate*]

I've been telling people we don't sell those anymore because you said we were going to stop and then I stopped seeing them. Apparently I need to disclose and request the accommodation of a walkie talkie so I can ask you incessantly where you decided to move random crap. The alternative is that either he or one of you follows me around all day to intercept people before I misinform them! And yet you tell me constantly that I'm doing just fine, offer help on the rare occasion that I don't need it, and then disappear when I do! What. The Hell?!

I'm tempted to disclose, but I've heard people lose their jobs after doing so, and it's not like you have zero idea because I did tell her at hire, and my 90 day review was essentially perfect without accommodations. I think you can tell too, because you seem to treat me younger than I am and I'm pretty sure I annoy you having to ask stuff all the time. I think accommodating me and treating me like everyone else would be better

It's hard to deal with. I don't know what to do.

I have a headache from crying

[MWF]

The girl I like saw me pissing on my neighbors house, and Im just hoping she was as blackout drunk as I was so she can't remember it.
If she was, I should move this over the good times forum.

[Tigereyes]

Fuck required online classes. Fuck how it's my fault that the website fucked up and I got a zero on my final presentation even though I turned it in early and it deserved a good grade and I only needed to get a 50 on it. Fuck college. I can't take this anymore. College makes me want to die. College = the best four years of your life??? FUCK THAT. Worst years of my life. I used to want to get better--before college. Now I just want to drop out or die. And I can't do either, and it's killing me. Don't have a chronic illness and go to college. Oh yeah, and fuck this college's disability services too. But I've come too far to drop out. But I'm so miserable and stressed out every day of my life. I wasn't before college. I'm not when I don't have college, but winter break is the only true break for me. College has already physically damaged my body so much. Made me have a flare up for the first time since I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and need surgery. And then I got addicted to my painkillers and it wasn't even my fault because I took them as prescribed--LESS than prescribed. I didn't ask for any of this. The opiates forever ruined my life. Whenever things go so wrong, I can't take my mind off of them even though I've never even abused them. But I remember how they made me feel. Or rather, I remember how they made me not feel. And then as soon as the withdrawal began, just 1.5 weeks after surgery, it was HELL. Everything came back and hurt so much worse. I remember how they took away the mental pain... and I fucking miss it sometimes. They don't do shit for physical pain, but they changed my life forever. I've tried so hard just to keep myself from giving in to the temptation. I haven't had them since I withdrew over two years ago, but they still haunt me. Because I know what they're capable of... killing the pain, then killing me. And part of me wants that because college has put me in such a bad place for so long. I turned to alcohol and whatever the fuck else I could immediately get my hands on--just to prevent myself from abusing my drug of choice. Because I know that if I ever abuse it just once, I'm never going to stop. Fuck opiates. But in times like this, I crave them like nothing else...

[Starseeker]

do your gentle suggestions and questions mean you know? and if you know, does that mean it's true that I think about doing it? is it so visible...?

[Everglow.]

Today was fine. They're all really nice. I felt like an awkward pathetic loser but, that's just me.

I am struggling so much right now. I know I'll figure this all out but I don't know that it's going to be the desired outcome.

[Starseeker]

I don't know what you're expecting from me. Study more? In case you didn't notice, for the past three months I've been studying hard, almost every day with a tutor, retaking failed tests over and over again just to see another fails. What else am I supposed to do? Because believe me, if you were me you would be as hopeless. So don't say: "I don't know, just do SOMETHING!'... there is no "something". Everything's been done.

[Kate*]

The one time you DON'T send an email is the time it would seriously help.

I want to, but I know better because when I hesitate like this, I usually end up regretting it.

[Starseeker]

Wow. You were so fucking lucky I didn't punch your face today when I had to sit next to you.

My Fitbit is broken and I can’t eat if I don’t know how many calories I’m burning. I can’t eat. I really, truly can’t.

[Kate*]

The person who is there the least has the least right to complain or decide how things are done. If you want to complain about what we didn't do, you can get off your ass, work more than 8 hours a week and do it yourself!

[Everglow.]

Crashing again. Haven't had a conversation all day. I wish I had more friends.

[Kate*]

I could understand it coming after Christmas, but mid January, really?! It better not take that long!!!

Apparently I'm not important and I have no idea what's going on.

[Clarent]

I wish you didn't care about me at all, so I could guiltlessly make my suicidal thoughts reality.

[Mynesseduplife]

Why the fuck do you look at me like I'm gum stuck to the bottom of your brand new heels... he's not even your boyfriend he's the one that stares me down I cant do anything about that and its not my fault that I've fallen for him

[Mismatched Socks]

I can feel my heart breaking...

[nothereanymore]

TW sexual assault

Don’t know what to think about Mike and the allegations surrounding him. If you were willing to have sex with minors you’re a pedophile. But if that was ten years ago and you’ve changed and wouldn’t do those things now, what am I supposed to think of you?

[Kate*]

My entire shift summarized in one sentence: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!!!! Thank God I'm off tomorrow

The only reason I'm not freaking out over this is because I know we sent everything in early and to the right place, so this is on YOU. Do your fucking jobs and COMMUNICATE for God's sake instead of blaming us for the shit you don't do! You piss us off to no end.

[MWF]

For ONCE. ONE TIME. One, SINGLE time. Can a girl NOT reject me?

[nothereanymore]

I wish I’d never been born.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I ate so much today too, which makes things worse. I purged so much that I nearly blacked out in the shower. I don’t want to die, but I’m not about living anymore. My therapist told me I could email her if things get bad, but it’s barely been a week without counseling, I have to be able to make it longer than a week. I’m probably going to cut tonight, I don’t think I can fight this anymore. I’m not eating tomorrow. I refuse.

[Calaer]

You are so frustrating. I can't stand being around you anymore. I really just want you to go away. I wish you were more 'grown up' in a way. You need to learn to act your age, and then to be more responsible. I'm so tired of listening to you complain over things that you have the ability to fix, and to change.

I don't know why that triggers such extreme emotions! I fucking hate it.

[Kate*]

Yesterday was insane and it's only going to get worse until January. Plus I have to stay late tomorrow so you can hang out with your friends. Because I really want to stay an extra hour in retail hell so you can have fun! You deserve it, but still...

Today was one of those shifts where I have no idea what I did for 5 hours.

[Calaer]

I hate that you sit there and act the way you do, but I guess we can't win all the time, now can we.

I hate these headaches but I'm too lazy to see a neurologist about them

I hate who I am as a person

[Fanatic]

Fuck everyone right now. No one understands me and how fuckin alone I feel right now. No one cares about me at all and say it because think they do but they don't. If they EVER did, they wouldn't allow me to be like this and I could've killed myself anytime when I pleased. They're aware of me being depressed like this yet they don't do SHIT. Just goes to show people don't fkin care. They rather be blinded by someone's scream for help than actually help them...

I feel really uncomfortable in this outfit. The blazer is too big but a smaller size wouldn't fit...I tried every blazer that they had at both this size and the other and the other was always too small.

I don't want to do this interview. I don't want to feel super upset over Christmas because I don't get it.

Contemplating harming myself because I am a dumb@$$

Alcohol poisoning on a non-alcoholic drink? There was a word I didn't recognize, but it was from the kiddie menu. WTF?

[Kate*]

Originally Posted by Fernweh.

Alcohol poisoning on a non-alcoholic drink? There was a word I didn't recognize, but it was from the kiddie menu. WTF?

Staff probably got the alcoholic and non-alcoholic mixed up.

4 more shifts, 18 more hours and I can finally have 2 days off.

I need more of a life. Human contact (that I don't want to punch), and things to do would be good. When my life fell apart, it did a really good job.

I have been so afraid of letting people in.
You are part of the reason.
You are just one more person who proved I was not worthy.

I don't know how to work through this.

[Calaer]

I hate how you make me feel. I love you, really. You're so grate, but lately you've just not been yourself, and I really don't wanna be around you. I'm not sure if this makes me a monster, or what, but I'm not sure I can handle this.

I feel so empty

[Kate*]

My taxes just went up. Merry fucking Christmas, screw you!

I am NOT paid to deal with your irate attitude. I am no longer the entitled generation with an attitude problem YOU ARE. If you want to ruin your own holidays by acting like that, you're welcome to, but you will not ruin mine!