Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I hope I feel better soon.

[NeuroBeautiful]

Why couldn't you look up whether aspirin was safe? I am so mad.

[Kate*]

Maybe I should just get used to not sleeping. Stupid people making noise.

I don't know how much more I can take. As much as I want to believe it'll all work out, I can't. Not everyone survives. And will you PLEASE post that?! I don't know if you're just that far behind or if I'm going to be misrepresented due to a ton of changes you're making!


Yes that happened, no it wasn't like me in the least, and no,I'm sure as hell not proud of it. But that does NOT excuse anything that you did. Even if I admit that I completely fucked up, it doesn't justify your response. And bragging about how much you know better is NOT a defense. That doesn't even make sense.

Stomach is driving me nuts. I hate the conflicting messages I keep getting about food and the frequency/size of meals.

2017 is half-over, how did this even happen? Where did the first half of the year go? Why is time moving so quickly. Please slow down.

[Everglow.]

Sick of London buses. How can you watch me walk towards the bus and then drive away as I get to the door. It's fine I'll wait half an hour for another one.

I have no idea why we have to get together today. I seriously just want to sit around and read or watch the Handmaid's Tale.

Everything is going so well, so why am I fantasizing about suicide and self-harm?

You're such an ungrateful bitch, Jordan.

I hate this.

It's so quiet now that my niece is napping, but I hear echoes of her crying from earlier. It makes my head hurt.

[Clarent]

I deeply despise my life

[Kate*]

That makes you a total hypocrite. The guy you hate is GONE, you can't keep blaming him to avoid holding the new guy accountable because you like him better, while complaining that the whole problem is that no one will blame the first guy. HIS TIME IS OVER! STOP BLAMING HIM for shit the new guy has done. Again, if I were to argue the other side, you'd be throwing a fucking fit. At least the last guy was sane!

I don't want to do this, and even if I like her, she's leaving, so I can only see her once, but I wasn't going to cancel because of that after waiting 3 months! I REALLY don't want to do that either, and I'm definitely waiting until at least Thursday to start just in case side effects are horrific. I finally decide to start trying to fix things and end up screwed because people suddenly decide after years, to leave their practices! What the fuck!?

Now I feel alone, this is a new one. I'm having to rebuild my life alone. My friends won't be there to go with me or first.

They should always, but they won't always, and that's not always your fault.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I need to feel better NOW!!! I hate how I feel. Make me better!!!

Stay in your fucking seat.

[nothereanymore]

I'm tired of living in constant anxiety and self hate.

[Kate*]

For the love of God woman, I'm NOT a morning person! If you call before 8:30, I will not answer. And 12 was early enough, but I suppose I can do this on like 3 hours of sleep and do 11 instead. I get the feeling that you're doing me a favor, so I better work with you or I'll be causing more issues than necessary. You're making me hate this more than I already do.

And because of you, I never went back to sleep and now there's a bunch of banging outside. I really should just give up on sleep

I'm a grown woman and we're dealing with my brain, not yours! Yes, I want to at least try this. Your stigmatized views on this are ridiculous.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I am not feeling well. I need to feel better now!! Today we have a lot going on. Make me better now.

So tired and feeling like crap today.

[oddity]

I go onto Tumblr. Someone with the name "endo-killer" (we consider ourselves to be an endogenic or an "endo" system) messages us. They let us know we did something wrong. That was fine.
What was not fine was them thinking it was okay to message an endo system with the name "endo-killer" and calling myself and my system fake.

Well, I'm not letting this scum ruin our day. If they message us again after I told them to leave us alone I'm blocking them.

-Rex

[Everglow.]

Oh look, I hate myself all over again.
Why can't you just be a normal human being? Why am I like this?

[nothereanymore]

I hope this doesn't start a fight because that wasn't my intention.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm hurting so much.

She knows there's two ____ you dumbass. She'll know you took one to self-harm. You'll just be embarrassed and she won't believe you have your shit together.

One more time. Just one more time.

Well, fuck. Too soon to tell but I may have really fucked up.

[Kate*]

Not TH related

I wasn't asking for "medical advice" but even if you thought I was and you don't feel comfortable responding, why did you?! Not everything requires your response, especially if you don't think you can give one, but I do find it ironic that before telling me that, you gave her some "medical advice"! This is why I don't want to post my own shit in there anymore.

I'm done posting my own stuff in there.

[Lionheart]

I'm so done . I didnt ask for this. I didnt so why do you keep pushing me? Cant anyone see its to much? Theres only so long i can keep up wih this. And right now I dont have the energy to keep up anymore. Its to much. Everything is just to much.

At the emergency room for back pain. Great. Just great. Even more medical bills piling up.

[Kate*]

Can't tell you how much I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS and I'm going to be exhausted and possibly sick. Fucking awesome.

If you're going to answer my question, answer the one I ASKED! I put that in as a comparison to prove my point, the question is about something completely different, UGH

That was a mix of helpful and completely pointless. And I REALLY hope that doesn't become an issue.

There is NO part of me that wants to do this. Unless I want it, or need it to do what I want, every bit of something is torture.

This is not a pity party, it's a fucking nightmare and I can't do it anymore.

You broke me, destroyed my life, ruined my reputation for NO reason other than my disability, and were completely wrong about absolutely everything. And the fact that no one has ever heard of this happening means I'll wonder for God knows how long, if it was actually my fault.

I HATE being torn about this. I know if I don't do it, I'll have no life, but how much worse is that than having a life I don't want?! Thank God I didn't do this in the beginning, it would've been too much.
I don't know if nothing else will feel right or if it's really wrong.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I don't know anymore. I feel hurt. What do I do?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

You have always said that beauty is only skin deep. But why did this happen, why did he have to have his face messed up forever now because of what happened. I want to scream if you say that one more time. It's all you say, you don't give me a real answer. Why can't you just say yes with what happened he is going to look like that now and no one can fix it. But you will not give me the truth. When I look at him I want to cry and that makes me a terrible person. I wish I didn't feel like this.

Dear Family,

Stop trying to talk to me about my mental illness and trying to "fix me". It doesn't work like that. You can't just glue me back together with love and expect me to be perfect again.

Dear Sister,

Stop trying to relate to what I am going through, it doesn't help at all.

Dear Everyone, (family and friends)

Stop trying to "talk me through my struggles" 24/7. It just makes things worse. Please kindly shut the hell up. I'm sick of it. I'm not a fragile crystal that will break at a touch, so stop being to careful around me. For once, just leave me the hell alone about it for a while.

~Sanjana

I feel quite shitty but trying to stay positive. Have a book to pick up. Have another book to finish...a little less than 100 pages left. It's an intriguing read although I have a feeling I am not going to like the ending.

[nothereanymore]

I have a feeling I'm gonna be disappointed at my check tomorrow. I need at least $150 and I don't know for sure what I made.

[Lionheart]

Sometimes I fucking hate myself. Today I found a really nice dress that I actually liked for once but it was way to short. Ended above my knees so all the scars there were visible. Most of all my friend who eas shopping with me laughed and called me out on being prude because I said it was to short. Because of the light and me trying to cover up she didnt see the scars but she would in other situations. Everyone would.
One time in my life i find a dress that I actually like and that fits me and doesn't trigger body image issues and then I cant buy or wear it because of my scars
Its my own fucking fault! Im so disappointed in myself.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm so tired and I need everything to be ok. I don't get why so many terrible things happen in my family.

[Kate*]

Don't tell me the dryer is the next thing to break! Why are the clothes STILL wet?!

As nice as the break from emotions has been, I can see how the effects and apathy could be dangerous for more than one of my other conditions. Might have to come off.

Even if I didn't or couldn't tell you I had it, it was WELL DOCUMENTED in my paperwork and if you look up any of the medications I listed, this is what they treat. How did you miss this? I might have to stop because it's aggravating something that you'll say it shouldn't be.

[nothereanymore]

After paying for the bus pass, therapy, and my phone, I'll have $38 left. If this sore throat doesn't go away/gets worse, guess who's gonna be paying $35 for urgent care? So much for rewarding myself for working. What a cute little concept my dad made up.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Why are you So selfish? Do you see what we are trying to do for you? You only care about yourself. And you don't care about anymore else.

[Everglow.]

Really don't want to work tomorrow. 3 of us in and she is going to do my head in I can just tell.

[Thinking]

I am home again. Finally. I am breathing.

[Everglow.]

I wish this heatwave would end. I want rain and thunder.