Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Calaer]

I hate that I have to run around you and what you want. I have my own life you know, my own family. I can't always work on your time.

[nothereanymore]

gotta love nightmares about rape, cutting, and suicide

[Kate*]

I guess that's what I get for trying to actively improve my life. You said I could make appts. on those days if they were early enough, or if it was the only one available for months. Both times now I've done that and what the fuck happens?! She needs you AGAIN. I went years without doing anything about anything and it was never a problem. But suddenly I try to change things and my life conflicts with her constant needs. She's the one with appts. every 5 fucking minutes, not me, and I've done the best I can to work around them. Believe me, I understand that the world doesn't revolve around me, but this is getting ridiculous!

Why can't I enjoy things that used to make me happy?

[nothereanymore]

I need you now more than ever but you fucking dropped me like I didn't mean shit to you and I fucking hate you for it. I hate you.

[Calaer]

I'm super anxious about going to my friend's baby shower. I love her and him both so very much, but I'm so anxious about being there with a bunch of other people.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I hate you so much. I don't even know who you are. Why would you do this to our car? Why did you kick it and yell F you to me? YOU are a TERRIBLE PERSON, and when my parents came out of the store you said that you didn't kick our car. That I'm lying and I don't know why you would do this. YOU are a TERRIBLE PERSON, and you made me so upset now.

I have so little energy and motivation that I can't get out of bed.

[nothereanymore]

I'm apathetic. I don't want to live. I don't want to do anything.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I wish I didn't feel like this. So down and depressed and upset, why do I still feel like this? I wish I didn't.

[Calaer]

I just love how they can treat you like shit, and you treat them like they are actual humans with feelings that deserve to have respect, but I bend over backwards to help you, and you act like I'm insane.

[Kate*]

Yes, I'm actually sick. No, I'm not as devastated as I probably should be that I have permission not to go. I can meet the baby at Christmas when she turns one.

[nothereanymore]

I wonder how many ignore lists I'm on lmao

Picking edited out of the trash to cut myself...that's a new low.

I feel like it would be better if I were dead.

[nothereanymore]

Do you ever think of me? Or is she really that fucking special?

I can't numb myself to the worries and pain. It's constantly there at the back of my mind. It's never going to work out.

[Kate*]

Almost 6AM, I haven't been to bed yet, and the AC guy is coming at 1. I'm getting no sleep again because hormones are evil and I drank coffee too late not knowing anybody was coming, UGH

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I hate how I'm feeling. I need to feel better.

[Calaer]

I hate having anxiety. It's so annoying and it's so bad. I hate how it affects every aspect of my life, and I hate that there isn't much I've done that has helped.

Yeah, that's great. Thanks. Definitely need this right now.

As if I'm not lost enough already. -_-

Okay, whatever.

And, no, that is not how medicaid works...or at least...that's not how the medicaid in my state works.

[Kate*]

He's a big boy, He can handle it. I can NOT "choose" to just flip a switch and become okay. I have every fucking right to hate this and complain and be miserable without having to be sorry for it. He knows me A LOT better than you do.

Why the fuck are you doing this, it's not going to be okay. You've denied people, so why not me?

[nothereanymore]

been thinking they were on some dumb shit for years but they actually might have been on to something. I don't want to have bipolar ii. Why can't it just be regular depression? why am I not dead yet

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

It has to be ok.

[Thinking]

I can't do this...

Why I cannot die... why...

...

I'm with the person I love most in the world and I feel so alone.

[Kate*]

There's a reason I gave up on this shit!! It's going to be completely fucking pointless. Now I spiraled myself and legit made myself sick. I did the best I could under the circumstances and considering that it's only been an issue once in over 2 years, it's probably not a big deal.

You were wrong about absolutely EVERYTHING and I'm going to end up dead mostly because of you. There has been literally zero point to the last 15 fucking years.

I hate the fact that I'll never know if it would've been possible some other way or if I just can't let go. It must be impossible, but then why do I want it so badly? And if it is possible why can no one with this do it. Actually, they can! So why can't I, did I really bring this on myself? Considering what I'm left with, these are valid questions!

There will be no answers and I will be the unlucky one with the horrible life that did nothing to cause it. I will give up for good, I swear.

I feel worthless

[FallonRose]

I thought my day off was tomorrow but nope it's not until sunday (-:

I'm seriously losing my shit. I don't know what's happening to my brain and it's starting to scare me.

[nothereanymore]

Yeeeah if this ovarian cyst could go away that'd be greeeeat. If that's even what it is. Whatever it is go awaaaay.

[Everglow.]

Love the way these people walk straight into me in the street and don't move even when they've walked into me. Swear im the only one paying attention to where I'm going.

[Mismatched Socks]

Ugh mood swings. I was actually feeling pretty good this morning as well.

I'm so pathetic I can't even call back or reply to all the people who've wished me happy birthday.

I am a worthless individual.

[nothereanymore]

I'm so fucking annoyed and I don't know what to do with myself. Constant thoughts of suicide.

[.Brittany.]

I'm just so tired..

[Kate*]

I'm not stupid enough to get into it with you, but I'm SO GLAD I don't share your entitled, judgmental, superior attitude that a disabled person's opinion on something related to their disability is "above" and "better than" that of their caregivers, especially expressing it while being incredibly rude! Interactions like this are exactly the problem I have with the neurodiversity movement!

I am struggling tonight. I feel super fucking sad and I am thinking about death and suicide. I haven't read much today and I am starting to question if the reason I have been reading so much this past month is to drown out this depression.

I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 11th and I am going to talk to him about the fact that I haven't been super compliant. I don't know, I might end up chickening out.

If I go back to taking my meds I will have to change one of them because my new insurance for meds doesn't want to cover things that are contraindicated and the two medicines I take are.

They also lied to my dad about serotonin syndrome and tried to like scare him into not taking his medication anymore etc. That seems super dangerous to me. I don't even think he is taking the medications that are more likely to cause it?