Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[nothereanymore]

Love when you lecture me like I've done something wrong just out of the blue. What the fuck. Go get some psychiatric help because I may be sad but you're fucking crazy.

[Thinking]

Results are out... I am so screwed. I am an absolute failure.

[Starseeker]

I've never cut because of you. Never. And I've never cried because of you. I hate it when people say I was crying because of you. I hate it because you never did anything wrong! It was all my fault and I cut because of MY hopelessness and because I WAS being pathetic. It was NEVER your fault and I NEVER cut because of you.
I want to see you. To see you, just once more, but it'd be a wonder that only happens in fairy tales. I won't ever get a chance to do so, will I?
But I'll always hope for it to happen.
It all seems to be crumbling. My education, my feelings to you, it's all so stupid and hopeless. And I am the one to blame I guess.

[nothereanymore]

Send. Me. Home.

[Everglow.]

Cook. Clean. Do fucking SOMETHING. I pay for your parking. I cook you dinner. I clean. I plan the meals. And you complain when you have to wash up and dry up once. Give me a break.

[Chai.]

Can next month come already? I can't deal with this stress

[Calaer]

My heart breaks for you. I hope that you poor children get the justice you deserve, and that the truth comes out in the end.

[Kate*]

I kept saying "Of all the things you need to bitch at me about, you're going to choose that one?!" So many times. It wasn't a lack of professionalism and had NOTHING to do with my skills. It was caused by the STRESS YOU were inflicting and in the grand scheme of life, it doesn't mean shit. But here I am, 3 years later thinking about it at almost 5 AM Those "professionals" were a fucking JOKE yet they got licensed and I couldn't through no fault of my own and got to have my entire life fall apart instead.

And YOU It's a crime that you're licensed and allowed to work with children considering how you treated an adult after making false assumptions. Actually, that applies to both of you.

No, if I stop blaming others when they deserve it I won't get happier. Taking on responsibility that isn't mine because I decide it "can't be" or "isn't" anyone else's will destroy me from the inside out.

[Celyn]

Tired, headache, in pain, want to be left alone. And where the hell is my period?

[Calaer]

I hate how stressed out I've been these past few months.

Of course you text me on the day of trauma therapy. God I feel so disgusting.

[Kate*]

You know what else I can do because of it? HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT ME What the fuck is WRONG with you?! Don't act like you're okay with everything and then talk to her about me behind my fucking back!!! It's not like I'm HAPPY about any of this for fuck sake, but if you'd rather I'd kill myself that could be arranged. And why do they have to know everything?! and THIS is why I don't tell my family anything. None of them can keep their FUCKING mouths shut!!!! I'm WELL aware that you're now ashamed of me and the fact that I'm left with a miserably sad life. I'm ashamed of it too, but it's not like I didn't try to make something livable out of it.

[Everglow.]

No it's fine honestly. You can have a go about how I'm unhappy about having to pay for parking because you gave me a lift even though you didn't really, we bth came from the same place to the same place. It's fine that you can never say please when you ask for things, or assume it'll get done for you. I can't get angry when you do that because I'm the bitch for it. It's fine. Fuck you.

____

Does your boyfriend want to pay rent or what? He's here the same amount of time you are. I'm sick of it. Haven't seen him in months even though he's under the same roof as I am. He's rude. I hate him and I don't like you either. I don't want him here.

[MWF]

I just got blacklisted by a guy on tinder for having a nonchalant disagreement on the economics of the field that IM going into. Jesus Christ.

[Calaer]

I hate the weather, and I'm so ready for all the cold fronts to go away, and for more warm spring showers to move in!

[nothereanymore]

You're delusional.
-
Where is death. Come the fuck on.

[rosepetal]

so tired of everything. feeling like nothing will get better like im never going to be happy/actually be able to do the things I want, feels like life is not worth living and I don't want to be alive if i can't get rid of my anxiety enough to do all the things i want. which feels impossible. id rather stay how i am, stay self harming than get a bit better but not enough
i just don't want to be alive rn. i hate that my dad never shows any love or care or interest and never apologises. why has he caused so much pain he doesn't seem to know or care, he'd never understand he just makes excuses. i wish he knew how much i hate him i am so sick of him

[MWF]

To the North Carolina Congress, who are trying to pass a bill banning gay marriage in their state: Suck My Balls.

[MyVisionIsDying]

I asked you not to do it but you still did it anyway with me in the fucking room. You don't need a reason from me, I fucking told you and you didn't fucking listen...

[Starseeker]

Sometimes I let it all out, sometimes I feel so empty. Like now. And I don't know which feeling is more dreadful.

[Chai.]

I just cannot understand what is wrong with me. I was doing so much better and here I am now, almost back to where I started from. I can't deal with this more. I need to buck up or I am going to slip and I really don't want to fall again.

[rosepetal]

my rabbit died I don't know how I feel I fucking hate this. I just want to die. I feel like it's my fault and I'm a terrible person and I deserve to die and to hurt myself. I don't want to believe it at all, it's surreal. I don't want it to be true it's too strange and awful and not right ! This wasn't meant to happen. I feel so guilty. Had I done things differently he'd be alive probably. It's my fucking fault. I was worried about him today but thanks to anxiety I'm always fucking worried about everything so I have to assume the worry is unjustified and that I'm just over the top, I only know it's justified if someone confirms it, and they didn't, they weren't fucking worried when I said he wasn't acting normal or interested in food I'm fucking angry that they didn't confirm that yes I was right to be worried bc those are important bad signs for a rabbit ! This was not meant to fucking happen. If I didn't have anxiety I'd know when to worry and when to do something and when it's actually nothing despite feeling immensely anxious. I can't do this I need to hurt myself sometime soon I'm a fucking terrible person aaahhhhhhhh. I feel like people won't understand they don't realise a rabbit is like a cat, you have a special significant relationship with them, they're special clever loved pets with their own personalities. I feel like people including my therapist will think it's "just a rabbit." He was fucking important to me and he should be fucking alive jshdhhwhewhwgdhddjjdd

[Calaer]

Not feeling so well today, and it's frustrating. I have so much to do before tomorrow, and then so much to do tomorrow before Saturday. Hopefully I'll be able to get it all done even though I don't feel well.

[Kate*]

This wasn't your fault, but does everyone leave when you get sick? Why can't I get through to reschedule?!

You know, for all the insisting you do that they're so different, they sure are similar which is why I can't consider this. I'd have the same problem and end up worse off, even if I could get in and that would be impossible.

WHY?! It's not like she appreciates it, or is tolerable. I can't fucking do this.

I've been right about everything and no, a positive attitude (which would be fake at this point anyway) won't change a damn thing.

[roseegirl]

I hate that i overthink everything!! Then i get attached so easily!! I hate myself for it

[Kintsukuroi.]

I'm so irritated with the cotton trees in our backyard. Every year they drop these sticky pods which leave this yellow resin that does not go away. Like, that crap sticks to everything. All of our dogs have them all over their paws and even if we clean their paws off (the actual stickies) the resin remains and stains everything and it smells. They stain clothes and anything they come into contact with.
And, My sister let two of our dogs inside without cleaning off their paws and they went into my mum's study which has white carpet. Urg.
This also means the actual cotton will come which means even worse allergies.

[Starlett]

There's always fucking something!!! Why can't I just deal with shit my way, for fuck sake!!!

[Calaer]

I hate how you make me feel, so I hope you're on your best behavior.

[nothereanymore]

It's always flattering when someone says something reminded them of me. Just, you know, not when that thing is 13 Reasons Why.

[Starseeker]

I have to calm down and try. I have to appreciate the advice I got and do it.

[Thinking]

I am completely unsure of my abilities... I am inside another person body that I will never able to acheive things like him...

[Chai.]

Period cramps!!!!

[Everglow.]

Thanks for that comment. Sorry it wasn't up to your standards. Why do I try.

[nothereanymore]

I never wanted to make it to twenty

[nothereanymore]

triggering

a 'friend' grabbed my hand and put it in her bra when we were lying in her bed one night. I was eight or nine. She was older and well endowed and I remember being curious but I never asked to touch her. She started acting promiscuous and having sex at a very young age. She wanted to be touched so she made me touch her. And I don't know how I feel about that.

[Calaer]

I'm so angry that you didn't show up, but you know what, you're the one who missed out, not us, so joke is on you.

[Kate*]

So, because there are people "more disabled" than me who can work, " You have to be able to work." THIS is why I cut contact. You have NO fucking clue what you're talking about. I can't do anything that makes me happy, I can't even do shit that makes me miserable. This is why benefits would be such a bad idea. I told you I'm not judging myself!!! I AM GLOBALLY IMPAIRED whether you can tell or not. This isn't a negative attitude, it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy, it's not a decision. It's a FUCKING DISABILITY that a lot of people kill themselves rather than live with. Until you have better advice or have lived through what I have, don't put in your 2 cents, just don't.

I didn't realize we were the ONLY ones going. Double my predicted misery. I HATE holidays

He may have been an absolute terror, but that doesn't mean he deserved to be treated so bad that he's still traumatized 50 years later. I LOVE how you're the only one who's ever allowed to play the victim. You aren't the only one gong through shit. You brought most of it in yourself and aren't doing the bestyou can to deal with it. At least I am. I tried and failed, you just want sympathy for the shit you caused.

I'm really starting to understand what "lack of empathy" means. Asking condescendingly "Apply for a job?" You obviously haven't read her other stuff. She HAS a job and she needs the benefits because she DISABLED you idiot!

I don't even know what to say. I just need to scream. One long, endless scream of hurt and rage and fear.

[nothereanymore]

I don't want to go to sleep because I know I'll have nightmares and I'm terrified. I'm terrified. I don't want to live. I don't want to live. I'm so scared.

[roseegirl]

I miss you. I just want to close my eyes and pretend that you are back here and we are happy. Instead im staring at the box in my closet and i just wish it was there