Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

I really want to die.

[roseegirl]

I hate that im letting this get to me! I just want to cry

I feel so alone!

I'll say "what the fuck is _____" if I want to. We're all adults.

[Everglow.]

Worked 9-5:30 without a break, haven't eaten since yesterday because I didn't get a lunch, finally got out if work to buy a sandwich and my card isn't there. Fucking horrible day.

[Chai.]

You are so annoying.

[nothereanymore]

No sympathy. Instead, a lecture. And you wonder why I don't tell you how I feel. You are not at all helpful.
And neither are you. Apparently the lesson you think I should've learned from my suicide attempt was "Man up."

I hate being here. I HATE being here.
I haven't cut so far in 2017. I'm going to as soon as I possibly can. And I'm already planning how to end it if I return home to the news that I didn't get into college.

[Thinking]

Why do people with such kind hearts had to suffer so much??!! This is so unfair!!

[MWF]

God my roommates are bitchy. I can't fucking win with these people.
The only time I ever had a roommate that didn't suck he walked in on me masturbating.

[Everglow.]

Sometimes working in retail is a fucking joke. Love having an angry man scream in my face because his glasses aren't in yet. Perhaps if you werent such an absolute prick I'd have been nicer to you in the end. Ask for me again specifically net week, go on. I won't be as polite as I was this time. Sick of this crap.

[nothereanymore]

Getting you to be less of a bitch is entirely nonnegotiable apparently. Saying sorry is really so hard? You wouldn't even let me finish talking before you made an excuse about why you snapped and then said "okay I'm sorry" completely dishonestly. Really? It's really that hard to get you to stop talking to me so harshly?
I honestly think you need a psych eval. You are so wishy washy and temperemental and you seriously need help. You're mean and angry and can't see that.
Who was it that thought me to be so nice? It couldn't have been you.

[.Brittany.]

I am in so much pain..

[Tigereyes]

No, actually you're right; I'm not okay. In fact, I don't think I've ever been further from okay than I am now. You say I'm lying to you, that I'm hiding this, but it's really just instinct to say "I'm fine" when I'm clearly not. I'm not trying to lie to you. I don't want to lie to you. You can always see the truth anyway. But I'm too fucked up to care. You say you want to get better for me and I've said the same to you, but maybe we're just saying what we're supposed to say, hoping that somehow it'll work out that way, but never believing it will. Because the truth is, I don't even want to try anymore. I've lost my mind. I do truly want to be there for you and I care about you so much, but how can I help you when I can't even help myself? How can I tell you to take it one day at a time when I can't take my own advice? Why is it we both ask each other to be safe then go do just the opposite? I'm trying to stay clean for you, and I know you want to get better for me, but that's exactly the problem. Neither of us is trying to do this for ourselves. And it kills me everytime you slip. It's killing me to know that you're just freely taking what I've been dying to take for the past year and a half. You have what I want but not what you want. You're taking what I want and seeing me when you've taken it. All I want is to ask you for some, but I know you're not giving up all you have. I know you don't want me to fuck up my life, but don't you see, I already have? I don't ask because I don't want to ruin what we have. So I suffer alone to try to silence the desperation that's about to push me over the edge. It won't take much. You know this. I know you see where I am. But you won't say anything, and neither will I. But I can't just sit back and watch you destroy your life. So I will try to help you anyway. I will try to save you. Even if I lose myself trying.

[Calaer]

My lips are horribly chapped and it's a nightmare. I have no idea why, and they are so painful.

[Kate*]

I have to fix the unfixable mess that YOU caused, alone, and you get to forget you even did it.

I literally beat the shit out of myself all day, tomorrow is going to hurt like hell. And bonus, I still didn't do it! Fuck

What part of choosing to fail means choosing not to die are you not getting?!

[nothereanymore]

I'm a joke to you, aren't I?

[Chai.]

It's your birthday today and all I could send you was a stupid text. Last year, I was excited on your birthday, making plans with you and the others. Today? Well, I think I am more hurt. Everything that happened between us is unexplained and you have shown no inclination to tell me as well. I don't want to be a presence in your life anymore. So in case you are wondering why I didn't send you a sassy birthday message like I always do, well, that is because I am finally quitting on our friendship. Took me long enough, didn't it?

[nothereanymore]

You couldn't have cared less if I'd shown up or not. I hate this.

[MWF]

I have to create an 8 minute presentation in 9 hours from scratch. Ugh. This will be bad.

I would also like to contradict my earlier statement declaring my teacher to be the c-word. She gave me a B+ and she's a lovely lady.

[Thinking]

I wish I can blame that I am lazy for my failure today...

[Calaer]

I hate you for this, I just wanna let you know.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

Would anyone care or even notice if I disappeared?

I'm panicking. Frozen orange is all that's grounding me. I'm falling apart. I need to scream and cry but I can't. This is hell.

He says the guys miss me. Does he mean my rapist, too?

[Calaer]

I hate that we have to deal with all of this crap. We have to waste our time, money, and energy to correct a problem that you've caused for us. Shame on you.

So tired, I can't even function. Hate being sick with my parents away and in the middle of a storm. So sick of the cold weather and all the snow (although it did turn into rain) that's been happening.

I want to write a blog entry, but I worry my problems seem so insignificant compared to others on the site.

[Storyteller.]

It's just one of those days where nothing is majorly going wrong but all the little things are adding up and I'm over it already.

[Ral.]

Hey, get off your fucking high horse please.

You're my friend and I was there for you so much, whenever you needed someone to talk to I was there. When you wanted to move out I decided to move with you, I thought you were my best friend.

And now that I need you suddenly want to 'stay out of it' and you don't even bother talking to me anymore, well fuck you then. If you pick sides to make life easier for you then I guess we aren't friends after all.

Dumb as shit man.

[Everglow.]

My back is in agony. My hands and toes hurt where I'm so tired. I can barely get a sentence down in writing. I feel constantly on edge and anxious.
But yeah. Stay in educations kids.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I'm tired of people saying they care when in actuality, they don't. I'm better off dead then alive.

[nothereanymore]

Why do you bother with me? What am I to you?

[MWF]

I literally almost pissed myself during class today. I haven't had an actual emergency where I literally couldnt hold it since I was a child.
Maybe this should go under the happy thread for dodging a bullet.

[roseegirl]

I cant breath.... I feel numb

[Calaer]

I hate that you feel like it's appropriate to do this to someone. What's your problem. Do you think it's just funny to put people through this. You're a horrible person, and you will get what you deserve soon enough. I hope you have a good attorney.

Hate being exhausted and sick, but unable to fall asleep.

Okay, hold on a fucking second.

I write you a letter that's two (extra large) pages long expressing my feelings. Half of it's reassurance and love. Most of the rest of it is apologizing. Literally one paragraph is criticizing anything about your behavior, after which I explained I haven't told you until now because every time you're confronted with anything you burst into tears. I thought a letter would be easier.

Yet today I find out you're mad because the "whole letter" was "criticizing you" and not appreciating what you do for me. What did you expect? That you're doing nothing wrong? That people don't get to set boundaries with you because you're depressed? Fuck that. I still get to set boundaries when you are hurting me, depression or no.

You're so over dramatic.

[nothereanymore]

Seeing you with her makes me want to throw myself in front of a train.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I'm a nuisance and a burden. All I do is cause people more problems and pain. Why should I stay alive if all I do is cause trouble? I dont deserve to be alive.

[Kate*]

Maybe that wasn't the point?! Don't criticize people for what they're point isn't. What the fuck was that? Plus, how she manages in the "real world" isn't any of your business! When they publish mine, I'm not even going to look at the comments because its going to get bad, I can already see it coming. At least you have to actually look for them, so all I have to do is not look.

If you've been listening, you know why I probably won't end up doing it. I swear I've tried twice now, but if the main goal is to not harm myself or die, avoidance is the better choice. There's no point to doing anything anymore. I seriously fucking quit.

Because I'm the only one in the world who can't do it, is that why? Yeah, that's why.

This will work great as a hobby, but I need some income. If only there was a way to get paid for it or to turn it into something else.

I am an awful human being.

[.Brittany.]

Why did you have to be asleep

[roseegirl]

Why does this all have to happen right now