Essays for College Application

[DeeAnn_Angela]

I wasn't sure If I should put these in the Education forum or here, so if it's in the wrong place I'm sorry and please move it!

If anyone has any tips/editing/opinions with these, I would really appreciate it

Common App “Briefly Elaborate on one of your extra curricular activities” (1000 Characters)
My choice to join band is proof that choices made on a whim for seemingly inane reasons (“EVERYONE is joining band!”) can be decisions that end up throwing open doors you never glanced at. Even as most of my fellow sign-ups grew bored of band and quit, I continued to make my way down to the high school every week for my lesson, gripping a flute case. Something about making music struck me—I was set on transforming the feeble notes I had managed into the powerful sounds heard coming from Senior Band rehearsals. This determination eventually led to my earning of first chair in Senior Band as a freshman, my position as a band officer, and my decision to join ensembles in addition to concert band. I befriended and worked with students at music festivals whom I would have never met without band. This year, band has helped me to meet people at my new school, making the transition easier. I joined band in order to fit in, and it ended up giving me the confidence to be an individual.
Gettysburg Supplement “How did you become interested in Gettysburg?” (750 Characters)
As an intended history major from Pennsylvania, it made perfect sense to include Gettysburg in my college search. After visiting and researching the school, it became very obvious that Gettysburg was the perfect fit for me. The history, the environment, the small class size, the relative location to home, the opportunities to stay active in music and theatre, the beautiful campus, the opportunities to study abroad, the huge array of activities and way to be involved--all of these things, some of which I hadn't even thought about before learning that Gettysburg offered them, seemed to add up to Gettysburg being the perfect school for me.
Additional Information (7000 Characters)
After I graduate from high school this June, I hope to attend Gettysburg College majoring in History (concentrating in Classical History, European History, or Early American History) or Anthropology. The cultures and achievements of human history have always fascinated me, and I plan to spend my life after college studying how we, as humans, have shaped this planet and arrived where we are today. Hopefully, this career path will lead to plenty of opportunities to travel to new and exciting places and to learn about the various cultures of the people who live in those places. I am considering minoring in music while in college and to take part in theatrical productions. I believe that, while working towards a career is obviously important, it is equally crucial to work towards becoming a well-rounded, functional human being. Working with the arts is a wonderful and
enjoyable way to do this. Making music or performing on a stage teaches a person lessons and exposes a person to wonderful experiences that, while they are not found in traditional, academic classroom settings, are extremely valuable to have.
In addition to the activities listed, I have experience in child care, I was involved with the E****** High newspaper called "The Rampage" my freshman year, and I planned my Junior Prom.
In addition to the honors listed, I was the recipient of the John Phillip Sousa band award in middle school.
Gettysburg Supplement “Gettysburg College students are engaged learners and 'make a difference' both on and off campus through their academic and extracurricular activities. Describe a situation in which you have made a difference in your school or community and what you learned from that experience.”
Since third grade, not a summer has passed without me participating in a theatre camp, either as a student or volunteering as a counselor (sometimes both in one summer). It was through these camps and workshops, these environments where I could work on simply improving my skills as a performer without having to worry about preparing for one particular show, that I really came into my own as a performer. I am positive that if my interest in acting when I was young had led only to participating in school-wide productions and not drama camp, I would be half the performer I am today with little or no interest in participating in community theatre or in continuing my theatrical career into college. When it came time for me to choose my senior project (in order to graduate from high school in Pennsylvania, seniors are required to complete a community service project) I decided that I wanted to open that door for another young performer. I wanted to take whatever interest they had in theatre and show them what that interest could become, what they were capable of. I wanted to host a drama camp.
Myself and three other drama club members spent weeks preparing for the camp. Now, I am not a proponent of the idea that the seven billion people on this earth fit into neat little categories such as “detailed-orientated” or “big picture type”. However, I will admit to the fact that the amount of small details that proved to me instrumental in pulling that camp off was much more than I would normally pay attention to. Advertising, scheduling, planning activities, finding music, gathering costume pieces—if the four of us had not put effort into these and other similar small details, the camp would never have been a success. It was in this way that this experience began to teach me before it truly began. The lesson that I learned about planning ahead has been
indispensable in keeping my head above the piles of “to-do” lists that come with senior year, and I expect that it will continue to help me in college and beyond.
Suddenly, it was done. We looked around, realized that there was nothing left to do, and began to truly relax for what seemed like the first time that summer. Before our lungs were even finished contracting with our sighs of relief, however, the kids began to arrive and the real work began.
What would follow was easily the most rewarding part of my summer, possibly of my high school career. Each day, I got to introduce a new facet of theatre, of this world that had mesmerized me for most of my life, to sixteen eager, young people. I had the chance to talk about characterization and stories and movement to my heart's content, and those kids could not get enough of it. If all I got out of that experience was the feeling that comes from teaching about something you are passionate about to such an enthralled audience, I could have honestly walked away happy. I certainly never expected anything more. Yet, that is the thing with real, honest-to- goodness, “make a difference” experiences. Often times, the differences that you end up making have little or nothing to do with what you expected to happen.
Throughout the course of the week, my fellow counselors and I began to notice small changes in our charges. On day one, many were too embarrassed and shy to even talk during the various “ice-breakers”, (the name game and single types of charades, among others) but by the end of the week, many of those same campers could not get enough of the stage. It was amazing to see that boost of confidence, that transformation from a timid little kid to a little kid who cannot contain how excited he is to get up and perform in the showcase for his parents. What was even more amazing was the realization that I had helped that to happen. The camp that I had organized, the lessons that I had planned—all of it had helped those kids feel that much more comfortable in their own skin and, while it was not what I had been expecting to do for them, I could not have been more proud of the difference that I made.
Common Application Personal Essay (541/500 Words)
During the summer of 2011, the ******** ***** School District reached a decision that confirmed rumors that had been circulating for some time. Due to a dwindling population in the area and budget concerns, ******* Area High School would be closed, and the students split between the remaining two high schools in the district. For those of us who attended *******, the news seemed devastating. Not only were we losing our school and having
thirty minutes added to our morning driving time, but we were to be separated? We seniors were not going to graduate with the same people that had been our companions since kindergarten? It was infuriating.
Alas, no matter how much we raged and ranted, August came, bringing a new school year with it. Many of us were determined to show everyone just how unhappy about the change we were. Sure, the teachers were fine, but they weren't our teachers. No, we didn't have a problem with the students at our new schools, but what about all of our classmates that were on the other side of the district?
I was no exception. The rides home from the first few days of my senior year were spent in angry tears, with me ranting and venting to my mother about anything about my new school that I thought warranted a complaint. Anything good about the place was easily over-shadowed by my self-pity and annoyance—things were different, and I was set on being unhappy about it.
However, I slowly began to grow used to W********* in spite of myself. That was largely thanks to my involvement in the band. It is exceedingly difficult to spend night after night in marching practice with seventy people your age without befriending some of them, and once you have friends in a new school, it becomes much more difficult to see it as a foreign place. Time also played its part, as did the stress and hectic workload of a college-bound senior (paying attention in class is extremely hard to do whilst scowling and thinking of reasons to be angry). E****** High School will, of course, always have a place in my heart, but W********* High School was slowly finding its way into a spot very near to it.
If anyone had asked me a semester ago whether I thought the closing of E****** would be a good thing, I would have answered with a “no” accompanied, by an eye-roll or or similarly annoyed expression. However, with nearly half of my senior year behind me, I have begun to see things differently. This experience has given my fellow seniors and I a unique opportunity—this year has been a sort of “practice transition.” Many students, including myself, who hail from small schools worry about how they will adjust to college. By attending a new, larger school our senior year, we were able to practice meeting new people and to assure ourselves that, yes, we are capable of adjusting to a new place. This knowledge will undoubtably alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with going off to college, making it easier to excel and reach our full potential once we get there.

[Maverick.]

Just a few minor errors.

My choice to join band is proof that choices made on a whim for seemingly inane reasons (“EVERYONE is joining band!”) can be decisions that end up throwing open doors you never glanced at

Originally Posted by do this

My choice to join band is proof that choices made on a whim for seemingly inane reasons, can be decisions that end up throwing open doors you never glanced at.

If you have to add that parenthesis statement, consider typing something other than that.

Even as most of my fellow sign-ups grew bored of band and quit, I continued to make my way down to the high school every week for my lesson, gripping a flute case.

Originally Posted by do this

Even as most of my fellow sign-ups grew bored of band and quit, I continued to make my way down to the high school every week for my lesson gripping a flute case.

Get rid of the comma after lesson.

Something about making music struck me—I was set on transforming the feeble notes I had managed into the powerful sounds heard coming from Senior Band rehearsals. This determination eventually led to my earning of first chair in Senior Band as a freshman, my position as a band officer, and my decision to join ensembles in addition to concert band. I befriended and worked with students at music festivals whom I would have never met without band. This year, band has helped me to meet people at my new school, making the transition easier. I joined band in order to fit in, and it ended up giving me the confidence to be an individual.

Originally Posted by do this

Something about making music struck me.I was set on transforming the feeble notes I had managed into the powerful sounds heard coming from Senior Band rehearsals. This determination eventually led to my earning of first chair in Senior Band as a freshman, being positioned as a band officer and my decision to join ensembles, in addition to concert band. I have befriended and worked with students at music festivals whom I would have never met without band. This year, band has helped me to meet people at my new school thus making the transition easier. I joined band in order to fit in, and it ended up giving me the confidence to be an individual.

Just corrected some things to make the paragraph easier to understand for the reader.

As an intended history major from Pennsylvania, it made perfect sense to include Gettysburg in my college search. After visiting and researching the school, it became very obvious that Gettysburg was the perfect fit for me. The history, the environment, the small class size, the relative location to home, the opportunities to stay active in music and theatre, the beautiful campus, the opportunities to study abroad, the huge array of activities and way to be involved--all of these things, some of which I hadn't even thought about before learning that Gettysburg offered them, seemed to add up to Gettysburg being the perfect school for me.

Originally Posted by do this

As an intended history major from Pennsylvania, it made perfect sense to include Gettysburg in my college search. After visiting and researching the school, it became very obvious that Gettysburg was the perfect fit for me. The history, the environment, the small class size, the relative location to home, the opportunities to stay active in music and theatre, the beautiful campus, the opportunities to study abroad and the activities. Because of these things, some of which I hadn't even thought about before learning that Gettysburg offered them, I came to the conclusion that Gettysburg is the perfect school for me.

The last sentence seemed rushed. I fixed it for you. Try that.

After I graduate from high school this June, I hope to attend Gettysburg College majoring in History (concentrating in Classical History, European History, or Early American History) or Anthropology. The cultures and achievements of human history have always fascinated me, and I plan to spend my life after college studying how we, as humans, have shaped this planet and arrived where we are today. Hopefully, this career path will lead to plenty of opportunities to travel to new and exciting places and to learn about the various cultures of the people who live in those places. I am considering minoring in music while in college and to take part in theatrical productions. I believe that, while working towards a career is obviously important, it is equally crucial to work towards becoming a well-rounded, functional human being. Working with the arts is a wonderful and
enjoyable way to do this. Making music or performing on a stage teaches a person lessons and exposes a person to wonderful experiences that, while they are not found in traditional, academic classroom settings, are extremely valuable to have.
In addition to the activities listed, I have experience in child care, I was involved with the E****** High newspaper called "The Rampage" my freshman year, and I planned my Junior Prom.
In addition to the honors listed, I was the recipient of the John Phillip Sousa band award in middle school.

Originally Posted by do this

After I graduate from high school this June, I hope to attend Gettysburg College majoring in History, (concentrating in Classical History, European History, or Early American History) or Anthropology. The cultures and achievements of human history have always fascinated me. I plan to spend my life after college studying how we as humans have shaped this planet and arrived where we are today. Hopefully, this career path will lead to plenty of opportunities to travel to new and exciting places and to learn about the various cultures of the people who live in those places. I am considering minoring in music while in college and to take part in theatrical productions. I believe that while working towards a career is obviously important, it is equally crucial to work towards becoming a well-rounded functional human being. Working with the arts is a wonderful and enjoyable way to do this. Making music or performing on a stage teaches a person lessons and exposes a person to wonderful experiences that while they are not found in traditional academic classroom settings, are extremely valuable to have.
In addition to the activities listed I have experience in child care. I was involved with the E****** High newspaper called, "The Rampage". I have also planned my Junior Prom.
In addition to the honors listed, I was the recipient of the "John Phillip Sousa Band Award" in middle school.

Titles of books and awards are always quoted. I.e. "Nobel Peace Prize".

Since third grade, not a summer has passed without me participating in a theatre camp, either as a student or volunteering as a counselor (sometimes both in one summer). It was through these camps and workshops, these environments where I could work on simply improving my skills as a performer without having to worry about preparing for one particular show, that I really came into my own as a performer. I am positive that if my interest in acting when I was young had led only to participating in school-wide productions and not drama camp, I would be half the performer I am today with little or no interest in participating in community theatre or in continuing my theatrical career into college. When it came time for me to choose my senior project (in order to graduate from high school in Pennsylvania, seniors are required to complete a community service project) I decided that I wanted to open that door for another young performer. I wanted to take whatever interest they had in theatre and show them what that interest could become, what they were capable of. I wanted to host a drama camp.

Originally Posted by do this

Since the third grade, not a summer has passed without me participating in theatre camp. Whether I was a student, volunteering as a counselor or in some cases both. It was through these camps and workshops, that these environments would be a place where I could work on improving my skills as a performer, without having to worry about preparing for one particular show. It really made me come into realization as a performer. I am positive that if my interest in acting when I was young had led only to participating in school-wide productions and not drama camp, I would be half the performer I am today with little or no interest in participating in community theatre, or in continuing my theatrical career into college. When it came time for me to choose my senior project, (in order to graduate from high school in Pennsylvania, seniors are required to complete a community service project) I decided that I wanted to open that door for another young performer. I wanted to take whatever interest they had in theatre and show them what that interest could become and what they were capable of. I wanted to host a drama camp.

Try doing this.

What would follow was easily the most rewarding part of my summer, possibly of my high school career. Each day, I got to introduce a new facet of theatre, of this world that had mesmerized me for most of my life, to sixteen eager, young people. I had the chance to talk about characterization and stories and movement to my heart's content, and those kids could not get enough of it. If all I got out of that experience was the feeling that comes from teaching about something you are passionate about to such an enthralled audience, I could have honestly walked away happy. I certainly never expected anything more. Yet, that is the thing with real, honest-to- goodness, “make a difference” experiences. Often times, the differences that you end up making have little or nothing to do with what you expected to happen.
Throughout the course of the week, my fellow counselors and I began to notice small changes in our charges. On day one, many were too embarrassed and shy to even talk during the various “ice-breakers”, (the name game and single types of charades, among others) but by the end of the week, many of those same campers could not get enough of the stage. It was amazing to see that boost of confidence, that transformation from a timid little kid to a little kid who cannot contain how excited he is to get up and perform in the showcase for his parents. What was even more amazing was the realization that I had helped that to happen. The camp that I had organized, the lessons that I had planned—all of it had helped those kids feel that much more comfortable in their own skin and, while it was not what I had been expecting to do for them, I could not have been more proud of the difference that I made.

Originally Posted by do this

What would follow was easily the most rewarding part of my summer, possibly of my high school career. Each day, I got to introduce a new facet of theatre of this world that had mesmerized me for most of my life, to sixteen eager, young people. I had the chance to talk about characterization and stories and movement to my heart's content, and those kids could not get enough of it. If all I got out of that experience was the feeling that comes from teaching about something you are passionate about to such an enthralled audience, I could have honestly walked away happy. I certainly never expected anything more. Yet, that is the thing with real honest-to- goodness, “make a difference” experiences. Often times, the differences that you end up making have little or nothing to do with what you expected to happen.
Throughout the course of the week, my fellow counselors and I began to notice small changes in our performance. On day one, many were too embarrassed and shy to even talk during the various “ice-breakers”, (the name game and single types of charades, among others) but by the end of the week, many of those same campers could not get enough of the stage. It was amazing to see that boost of confidence. The transformation from a timid little kid, to a little kid who cannot contain how excited he is to get up and perform in the showcase for his parents. What was even more amazing was the realization that I had helped this happen. The camp that I had organized, the lessons that I had planned, all of it had helped those kids feel that much more comfortable in their own skin. While it was not what I had been expecting to do for them, I could not have been more proud of the difference that I made.

Try that.

Due to a dwindling population in the area and budget concerns, ******* Area High School would be closed, and the students split between the remaining two high schools in the district. For those of us who attended *******, the news seemed devastating. Not only were we losing our school and having

Originally Posted by do this

Due to a dwindling population in the area and budget concerns, ******* Area High School would be closed, and the students would be split between the remaining two high schools in the district. For those of us who attended *******, the news seemed devastating. Not only were we losing our school and having thirty minutes added to our morning driving time, but we were going to be separated? We were not going to graduate with the same people that had been our companions since kindergarten. It was infuriating.

There is no reason to have the second to last sentence a question.

Sure, the teachers were fine, but they weren't our teachers. No, we didn't have a problem with the students at our new schools, but what about all of our classmates that were on the other side of the district?
I was no exception. The rides home from the first few days of my senior year were spent in angry tears, with me ranting and venting to my mother about anything about my new school that I thought warranted a complaint. Anything good about the place was easily over-shadowed by my self-pity and annoyance—things were different, and I was set on being unhappy about it.

Originally Posted by do this

Sure the teachers were fine, but they weren't our teachers. We didn't have a problem with the students at our new schools, but what about all of our classmates that were on the other side of the district?
I was no exception. The rides home from the first few days of my senior year were spent in angry tears. I was ranting and venting to my mother about anything about my new school that I thought warranted a complaint. Anything good about the place was easily over-shadowed by my self-pity and annoyance. Things were different, and I was set on being unhappy about it.

Try that.

However, I slowly began to grow used to W********* in spite of myself. That was largely thanks to my involvement in the band. It is exceedingly difficult to spend night after night in marching practice with seventy people your age without befriending some of them, and once you have friends in a new school, it becomes much more difficult to see it as a foreign place. Time also played its part, as did the stress and hectic workload of a college-bound senior (paying attention in class is extremely hard to do whilst scowling and thinking of reasons to be angry). E****** High School will, of course, always have a place in my heart, but W********* High School was slowly finding its way into a spot very near to it.

Originally Posted by do this

However, I slowly began to grow used to W********* in spite of myself. That was largely thanks to my involvement in the band. It was exceedingly difficult to spend night after night in marching practice with seventy people your age, without befriending some of them. Once you have friends in a new school, it becomes much more difficult to see it as a foreign place. Time also played its part, as did the stress and hectic workload of a college-bound senior as paying attention in class is extremely hard to do, whilst scowling and thinking of reasons to be angry. E****** High School will of course always have a place in my heart, but W********* High School was slowly finding its way into a spot very near to it.

Try that.

If anyone had asked me a semester ago whether I thought the closing of E****** would be a good thing, I would have answered with a “no” accompanied, by an eye-roll or or similarly annoyed expression.

Originally Posted by do this

If anyone had asked me a semester ago whether I thought the closing of E****** would be a good thing, I would have answered with a “no” accompanied by an eye-roll or an annoyed expression.

This experience has given my fellow seniors and I a unique opportunity—this year has been a sort of “practice transition.” Many students, including myself, who hail from small schools worry about how they will adjust to college. By attending a new, larger school our senior year, we were able to practice meeting new people and to assure ourselves that, yes, we are capable of adjusting to a new place. This knowledge will undoubtably alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with going off to college, making it easier to excel and reach our full potential once we get there.

Originally Posted by do this

This experience has given my fellow seniors and I a unique opportunity. This year has been a sort of “practice transition.” Many students including myself, who hail from small schools worry about how they will adjust to college. By attending a new larger school our senior year, we were able to practice meeting new people and to assure ourselves that we are capable of adjusting to a new place. This knowledge will undoubtedly alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with going off to college, making it easier to excel and reach our full potential once we get there.

Undoubtedly is the only spelling error.

Other than that, it's a pretty good essay. You write pretty good.

You want to go to Gettysburg? Good school.

[DeeAnn_Angela]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to give me some feedback