I need guidance suggestions for Tommy

[DeletedAccount53]

There is no doubt that our 12 year old little sister is way ahead of her years and not just academically. Tommy is highly motivated, but at times contemplative and quiet which I think is good.

Throughout our voyage she's been reading Lisa Damour's books Untangled and Under Pressure, excellent reading but both books were originally written for adults. But also loving listing to music on her 'player, through headphones, and learning to play my Martin acoustic D-28

When we come home from vacation, we will be requesting one-to-one tutoring at her new school, the school of which she's looking forward to starting, I'm pleased to say. But we are wondering if we need, Julie and I, to give our little sister further guidance. Or maybe it would be better if she continues joining us in our outdoor pursuits. We don't want to cram her too much. There again, she's highly motivated so may be best left to her own devices.

[Everglow.]

Hey

It sounds like Tommy is very lucky to have sisters who care and motivate her as much as you and Julie do. I'm glad she's finding enrichment through books and learning, and I feel like the tutoring will be really positive for her too, especially since she seems to be very well rounded and open to learning already. I'm just wondering what you mean by further guidance? Do you mean in terms of eduation? Careers? Mental or physical health? Life in general?

I think the best thing you can do, especially considering she is new to your world and your lives, is keep the path of communication open for her. The absolute best way to know what a person needs, wants, or could benefit from, is to talk to them. Ask Tommy if there is anything she would like to do/learn, or if she feels she is missing anything or unhappy about anything. I think you're right in saying that you don't want to cram her too much. Afterall, it's a good thing that she is motivated already, and now has access to a whole world of opporunity because she has such genuine and kind family. It's important to let her become who she is, without the pressure of having to do everything someone else wants. And I think you're already giving her that opportunity, which is good.

That being said, as older sisters your guidance will stretch way beyond what tutoring or experiences you can give her. As an older sister myself, I like to think (although my siblings would probably tell me otherwise) that I've helped to guide them as they've grown up just by being their sister. And I know that sounds boastful but what I mean is, my sister now comes to me to proof read her essays, and we're all very well-rounded (for the most part) people who have grown up to be good, kind people. As an older sister it's my hope that by being the first to go through life experiences, like school, and graduating, and getting a job, and moving out, and by not being broken by it, they are less afraid to try things.

What I'm saying is, you're already guiding her whether it's your intention or not. So absolutely ask her what she'd like from you and if there's more you can offer her, but more important than that, just let her see that you're succeeding in surviving life. Let her see that you're doing good and it will guide her to feel confident, happy and content too. Be open to her talking to you about things - which I know you already are. Small things might be just as important in terms of guidance than bigger things.

Hope this helps!

[DeletedAccount53]

Hey Everglow

Thank you so much for all of this because it's being a good guide for Julie and I. Tommy has been asking lots of questions, such as "how do we overcome obstacles?" and "do you have a role model?", and "what's your personal style?", and "when we feel down, what makes us feel better?" and an exceptionally good question, "what characteristics make a good leader?" All these questions are ones that are typical of what a preteen usually asks, and that's no bad thing at all. When we were Tommy's age, Julie and I had asked the same.

Not only had Tommy asked us, but she also asked maman and her sisters exactly the same questions. It's good because she's discovering how we as a family all have similar answers, and what made me smile was every time she was answered, she scribbled in her notebook.

Looking closer, I marvelled. Tommy was writing in shorthand! It was something she learnt when being adopted. This is a very useful ability! But learning shorthand is reputedly difficult, but our little sister knows, and this made us realise she is very bright indeed, especially considering she's only recently turned 12. So I think her having one-to-one tutoring at school will help her, and also it may just be that the school will put her in an older class. Tommy is way ahead of her years, a real bright button we've got, but one that is going to take careful, but firm handling.

Yesterday was a prime example because while we visiting Cagliari, the capital of Sardinia, Tommy revealed something else we never knew. She has zero tolerance to bullies.

We'd stopped for coffee and were sitting outside the cafe when a group of guys were walking past, and unexpectedly stopped to have a go at guy all on his own. Their Italian, mostly spoken in Sardinia is a language we all know, but Tommy bucketed out of her chair and ran across the square and stood in-between the guys. Standing in front of their ringleader Tommy spoke in what was gutter Italian! The leader, pushed her. It happened very quickly, but she lashed out and then performed a hard roundhouse kick, toppled the guy to the ground and then she really whacked him.

I went to break it up, but it was all over by then. The ringleader's mates had dispersed, and he was all blooded up. Despite all that, Tommy seemed calm and cool as she took the bullied guy's phone number and went off with him before I or my family could stop them. Tommy remained about 50 metres away, hugging the guy who was thanking her. As I walked towards them, she kissed his cheek, said something I couldn't hear and the guy ran off looking well pleased.

Later after we paid for our coffee, Tommy explained how, when was in this orphanage how she often rescued bullied people. She'd pocketed her phone and told us not to worry, but from the damage she did to the guy was nasty. We all saw how adamant she was, but Julie and I later told her that despite having zero tolerance to bullies, it doesn't pay to lash out. And this is one prime example of how firm we must be, both now and in the future, but being gentle and understanding and above all, listen and observe her body language.

There was no doubt that our little sister could fight harder than a feral cat, so as I'm the physically strongest in our family, I feel it's going to have to be me who will guide her. I was a teen leader at a survival camp in southern France, so I know how to lead and talk to people. Especially troublemakers, and especially those who put a front.

Afterwards we visited a street market where stalls were sufficiently spaced, and bought some nice things, like a canvas and leather messenger bag similar to mine. I bought it for Tommy, and some clothes for myself including another leather jacket. We laughed as maman bought even more jeans - already she has over 50 pairs, but then similar could be said for her two sisters having a shoe fetish.

We returned to our yacht laden with bags. Julie had bought several kilo jars of local honey which she wheeled along in a wheelie bag to take the jars' weight, and maman had bought jars of yummy peanut butter.

It was an interesting, but revealing day. Now I'm about to ask our little sister just how she came to have a lockpick set. And a pretty professional looking one at that!

[DeletedAccount53]

Just an update on Tommy's lockpicking set, but thought we had a preteen sister with a criminal mind, that lockpick set was another of her enjoyable hobbies - lock sport.

We never knew, but lock sport is very popular among affectionados whose inquiring minds enjoy the challenge of picking locks, many videos of which can be found, Tommy said, on You Tube.

We didn't have a clue. But our mischievous little sister's interest stemmed from there and to prove it, she went and got her backpack and out tipped about a dozen padlocks, all various sizes.

But maman told us something unwelcome. She's been offered a modelling contract back home and in a couple of days will be going home, and likely her sisters as one needs to return to the US.

Oh well, such is life. But the three of us are happy sailing around and hvae got used to our maman's errant ways.

[Rivière]

Try not to see your mother moving back home and her sisters leaving as a bad thing. See the positives in such a situation. You will be able to bond with your new-found sister, and she with the both of you. Though you're already doing so, sometimes true bonding happens in the absence of another's presence.

[DeletedAccount53]

They've already gone, Sarah. Packed their luggage, grabbed a taxi and jetted off. Neither maman or her two sisters are going to Monaco. Maman was adamant she'd be going "somewhere". And frankly, since the sisters have already been planning their escape from us, it's not such a bad thing after all.

I won't be weeping. Neither Julie or Tommy. Our little sister is hugely looking forward to starting her school next week, and once she's settling in we'll be commencing our new jobs. The three of us are looking forward to our new adventure. With or without our maman. Why boohoo? It's not going to the end of the world after all.

Thank you though.

[DeletedAccount53]

Throughout our vacation our maman has been ranting on about a new contract in the fashion industry, and we've become annoyed, eventually angry at her pushing her parental responsibilities aside all because she wants to restart her career. She won't say whether it's a film, or a position with her photographer friend, or a modelling contract. Her agent has kept quiet giving no hint except to her.

Today marks one heck of a responsibility, because since this afternoon when our maman ran out on us without leaving a forwarding address, Julie and I requested our lawyer draw up documents that will make us legal parents and guardians to our little sister, Tommy.

It's the biggest responsibility we are ever going to have, and not for one moment are we ever going to neglect our responsibilities. We are fortunate in having jobs to start next week and thankfully, our Tommy is looking forward to starting her new school. We are grateful that the students are not required to wear uniforms, but to dress 'smart-casual', so Tommy has some nice clothes specially for school, and a handy wheelie case with triple wheels to lug up and down stairs as she'll be doing next week.

Thankfully when we come home in ten days time we'll have a completely rewired home, plentiful grocery stocks and nothing much else because bills go through our bank via direct debit. The biggest side is our being mums, and pretty cool mums at that. Not only that, but we're super sisters, too!

I am so sorry to hear your Maman abandoned you and your sisters. I'm glad you are doing the best you can considering the current situation, and feel free to reach out if you have to. Has Maman done this in the past or is this the first time she's ever done this? I keep meaning to reply to your very intimate message but I have such bad ADHD that when I sit down to write a reply, something distracts me within seconds.

I'm thinking of you, Julie, and little Tommy. I have a feeling you will be just fine.

My PM box is always open.

[DeletedAccount53]

Originally Posted by Melancholia.

I am so sorry to hear your Maman abandoned you and your sisters. I'm glad you are doing the best you can considering the current situation, and feel free to reach out if you have to. Has Maman done this in the past or is this the first time she's ever done this? I keep meaning to reply to your very intimate message but I have such bad ADHD that when I sit down to write a reply, something distracts me within seconds.

I'm thinking of you, Julie, and little Tommy. I have a feeling you will be just fine.

My PM box is always open.

Maman has tried to bolt several times, only to be thwarted because of government lockdown laws, so she's been restless, fuming and smoking like a chimney, so much that in a fit of angst I chucked her cigarettes overboard because I will not allow our little sister to breathe in noxious fumes or have Julie coughing from her debilitating asthma. Having got Tommy safely away with Julie, I've taken maman to task about her irresponsible selfish smoking in the cabins. "Do it outside, not indoors!" and got shouted back at. I'm not nasty, but maman knew better than argue the toss with me lest she got pitched into the drink following her cigs and bottles of whatever.

Nobody knows where she's gone except take her private jet off, and we can't find out from the local charting company because they're zip-mouthed about their travellers. In the meantime we'll be great mums to our little sister, her note-taking Pig Latin or not, we've got her sussed alright!

Thank you for your lovely support; it's great knowing I can PM you.