Emotionally Abusive Father, bullies at school

[Bartas]

Hello there. I am a 15 year old male, which lives in Poland. For years, I've been isolated from my classmates, most of the times they were (and they are still) making fun out of me. After I've graduated from Elementary School to Secondary School (or Gymnasium) and unfortunately our whole class was moved there. At school, most of the times I get bullied by a girl and her friends + a fat boy. I don't have a clue what to do, teachers won't take me seriously (they never do) and I am afraid that I can get some heavy punishment for punching them. Everyday some bad words go into my head (most of them are BS, but it's really, really annoying for me) "You are weird", "You are training bones" (fat boy's reaction when they found out that I like to run when I have free time), "You are a pokemon", "Say wiiiiiiiiiii" (it's pretty annoying when someone tells you the same thing all the time, isn't it?), "Which one you like more? Sarah or Angela?" (those girls are those bullies, that do bully me, it seems like they are teaming up) and many more. At home, I have another bully, my father. He's trying to compete with me, with words like "When I was your age, I've been carrying heavy bags", etc. He also likes to say words like "You are eating garbage food", or "You are too weak to deal with the bullies yourself? I won't make a complain to teachers, I am tired of this!" etc. Sometimes, I would like to stay at school for longer, my dad is even worser than those 4 bullies at school. 2 years ago, he used to abuse alcohol, fortunately, he hasn't drank it in those 2 years. I get 0 support from my dad, the only person I can tell everything is my mother, which is fine. I also don't have any friends, I am afraid, that I will meet bad people. My dad is also verbally abusing my mother, which gets mad all the time (and he knows it, but he gets satisfaction when he "triggers" my mother). Do you have any advice for me? I am tired of this.

[eeba]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through.

Is there anyone in your school who would listen to you if you approached them about the bullies? Do you have a school counselor?

Have you tried standing up firmly to the bullies? I wouldn't recommend any physical violence, you are right about the consequences and it would probably just make things worse, but you could try getting tough with them with your words. Like just flat out say to them, "I don't have to take this from you anymore" and walk away. Maybe do this when there are other people around so you will feel safer.

One thing about bullies is that they feed on discomfort, so they will more likely continue to bother you if they can tell that it is getting to you. So even if it does hurt you, and it's completely understandable that it's bothering you, but try to act like it doesn't matter to you.

Know that you are better and stronger than these bullies, and they are probably bullying you because they feel bad about themselves. And that's their problem, so don't let them make you feel bad about yourself. Seriously, screw them, they're not worth your attention.

But I understand how you feel and I do hope that there is an adult in your life who you can go to about it. You mentioned your mother- maybe if the school won't listen to you, she could talk to them? No student should have to feel angry or upset or afraid to go to school because of how they are treated by other kids, it's horribly unfair.

As for your dad, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything that is going on at school. Do you talk to your mother about the situation? What are her feelings? Is there any kind of family therapy or counseling you could look into?

I wish I could be more helpful, but know that we are here for you, feel free to message me any time you want someone to talk to.
Stay strong, thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

[Chuuya]

School bullies along with an emotionally abusive father is a lot to deal with. I'm really sorry that you have to cope with both of these things. It must seem like you can't get away from it. I really liked what Eeba had to say about the bullies though - even if it is hard to remind yourself when they continue to say mean things. They are only trying to pull you down because you are above them. I entirely believe that with every thought in my brain. They're cowards who feed off of making people feel bad. I almost feel sorry for them. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry that they take this out on you and say mean and cruel things. They shouldn't. I'm also sorry that trying to get them to stop hasn't been very successful with your teachers or with your dad. Can you elaborate how you talk to your teachers about the bullying? Maybe we can perhaps try to think up of a way to get them to listen to you a little better and take the bullying seriously? It might also be helpful to try other teachers or a counselor like the other user suggested. Sometimes going to a different person can change the outcome, as they might actually listen to you.

I would also talk to your mom more if she seems like the only person supporting you through this. Talk to her about how your dad and the bullies are affecting you and brainstorm some ways you can alleviate the situation. I think talking through things is always worth a shot.

[Bartas]

Originally Posted by Callisto

School bullies along with an emotionally abusive father is a lot to deal with. I'm really sorry that you have to cope with both of these things. It must seem like you can't get away from it. I really liked what Eeba had to say about the bullies though - even if it is hard to remind yourself when they continue to say mean things. They are only trying to pull you down because you are above them. I entirely believe that with every thought in my brain. They're cowards who feed off of making people feel bad. I almost feel sorry for them. Does that make sense?

I'm sorry that they take this out on you and say mean and cruel things. They shouldn't. I'm also sorry that trying to get them to stop hasn't been very successful with your teachers or with your dad. Can you elaborate how you talk to your teachers about the bullying? Maybe we can perhaps try to think up of a way to get them to listen to you a little better and take the bullying seriously? It might also be helpful to try other teachers or a counselor like the other user suggested. Sometimes going to a different person can change the outcome, as they might actually listen to you.

I would also talk to your mom more if she seems like the only person supporting you through this. Talk to her about how your dad and the bullies are affecting you and brainstorm some ways you can alleviate the situation. I think talking through things is always worth a shot.

Thanks for the support. Situation with my dad has calmed down, he is not that bad like before though. I have a weekend for now, so I am currently away from the bullies and yes, I've been talking about it to my mother and dad, but she is kinda powerless (in her and mine opinion). I'll try to talk with the girl "leader" of those bullies in my very own way, so she can understand what I am talking about (hehe ). It's kinda impossible to make any teacher believe in anything (in this school, you are on your own, I guess) when I reported a bully (fat boy) to my educator, she told me that I am lying, even when I didn't told her the details, I'll try my idea and later I will tell you how did it went.