Triggering: Shoot Up School & Then Kill Self

[BLAGHT]

Hey... If you saw my last post saying I was going to kill myself, I tried. I have a scar around my neck from where rope was when I tried to hang myself. Anyways, now it's worse...

I got pulled out of 8th grade because I was being bullied. I was sent to a special school for kids with depression. I was there for almost all of 8th grade. Now the last half of 9th grade is being spent at a different place for mental health. The kids at my new high school just bullied me and called me a loner, and I tried to jump off the roof of the school. That's what got me sent to another "special school" this time. No one at this alternative school is very smart, either... The new one is more for kids with mental retardation. What I am saying is that no one there can be someone I can talk to, because they are all extremely weird and not very appropriate. There are only 6 other kids at the school, too...

Well, I want to shoot up my high school for forcing me to go to this alternative school. I never get assignments from teachers, meaning that I have no work to do at home. The people at school say that I have to repeat my entire grade over, which is fucking stupid because I was on the A-Honor for 1st and 2nd trimester, until I was sent to this alternative school. That makes me want to kill the teachers and administrators that put me there. I also want to kill the students because they say mean things to my face and behind my back (I hear them) all the time.

I think of the most brutal ways I could kill them. I know how to make some bombs and poisons (deep web) and I want to torture all of them. I figured I would make this one girl who always made fun of me snort Ricin (I know how to make). I really just want to watch them die in pain, and then butcher their bodies. I figured I would try to kill a few cops too, and then blow myself up with a bomb I found how to make online.

I don't know what to do. Writing all this out makes me feel better because I can plan my massacre somewhat while I write. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to be stopped from doing it. I don't really have anyone to tell, anyways...

[LegendaryLlama97]

Bro that's fuckin rough tbh.
For me after completing school I looked back and thought "what a waste of 13 years"
not because I had a bad time or anything per say but more coz it was fuckin pointless. I'm 1 year out of school sitting on $500 p.w and not a thing i learnt in school helped. so if it's any consolation, school is nearly pointless (y)

[My Diary]

Violence isn't the answer. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I'm sorry about your situation. Vent to me anytime.

[DomoKay]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. Is there someone you can talk to? I recommend you use a suicide hotline http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#de...on_and_suicide Although it says suicide hotline, I'm sure they can help you with the homicidal thoughts as well, and you mentioned you want to kill yourself when you are done, so that would be a perfect resource. If you click on "Resources" at the top of TeenHelp, they have a BUNCH of resources, like live chats and all that jazz. Feel free to browse to find something that would fit you.

Please hang in there. Your life is worth it. Things will get better. I'm glad you are reaching out here. Take care <3

[IH8U2]

It's really not a good idea to reveal your plans in a public forum. I really hope you get the help you need. I'm really sorry you are going through this much pain, but violence is definitely NOT the answer. Even though you say you plan on killing those who hurt you, chances are you would kill people who didn't have anything to do with the bullying like the cops you said you'd kill. And no matter how horrible other people can be, they still mean something to their loved ones. You have NO right to take them away from family and friends.

I really hope everything will work out for you and you won't die.

[PSY]

This thread has been moved to the Trash Bin while we discuss how to address the potential threat to shoot up a high school.