Dealing with being that awkward loser at school

[~anongirl~]

So, I'm a really quiet person at school who has few friends. People hate being on the same team as me in sports/PE, because I'm probably the worst student in that class (skill-wise, not behavior-wise). People also hate being in group projects as me, because I don't talk much.
So yeah, right now its quite obvious to practically the whole grade that I'm the shy, quiet loser in the corner who doesn't say anything or do anything right.

Anyways, I noticed something lately: when I talk or say something, people act kind of different than when other people talk. It's like, I'll say something, and everyone gets all quiet and exchanges awkward looks, or just kinda look at each other then look away. Some people just look down at the ground.

I feel like maybe I'm kind of awkward. I don't know what to do, this has been happening since the beginning of the year, I've tried everything but nothing works! I try to observe how others act then try to apply it so that I won't be so awkward, but when I actually try to act like them it comes out soooo weird and kind of lame. It's pathetic.

I've talked to my friends about it and they claim I'm not awkward. But lately, when I say something, even THEY give each other looks! They feel bad afterwards and always try to make it up because they know it hurts my feelings, but I don't want them to be nice just so I won't feel bad.

I'm stuck and need help. I feel so embarrassed, and this whole "look" thing people give each other when I say something really degrades and humiliates me, I feel like a loser. I need advice... how can I be more "normal"? Any tips on how to be more comfortable socially?

[~anongirl~]

I'd really appreciate answers ASAP...thanks!

[Skyline]

Hi there! I'm also quite a shy and quiet person... whenever I say something in class, people do pay more attention than if it were someone else speaking, I'm guessing because I speak so rarely that when I do it's kind of surprising. However, I've never noticed people exchanging looks, but I can imagine how that must feel...
I used to be extremely insecure and self-conscious as well as shy and quiet, and back then people always identified me as the "quiet girl". I remember how frustrating and belittling it was to be reduced to that, and I've found that since I've gained a little confidence in expressing who I am, people don't see me as just the quiet girl.

I think that first of all you should remind yourself that being quiet and shy does NOT make you a "loser"! It's likely that your classmates do that "look" because they feel your discomfort, or, yes, because they think you're awkward. But at the end of the day, does it matter that you're awkward? I know that I'm an awkward person... for instance, after going grocery shopping or ordering food or pretty much any interaction with a stranger, my friends will point out how awkward I was and we'll laugh about it... and that awkwardness barely bothers me anymore, because I know it' just how I am and I can laugh and be open about it with others. So, maybe try to embrace your awkwardness, in a sense?

Other than that, the only advice I can give is to practise speaking more in class, giving your input more, voicing your opinions when the chance arises, and in the meantime do your best to ignore your classmates.

I really hope things get better! Feel free to PM me, I'd be glad to speak about this subject more with you

[hocus pocus]

Skye is right, being quiet doesn't make you a loser. I used to be one of the quietest kids in school and something I used to think of was the quote, "Calm waters run deep." There's nothing wrong with being reserved. People tend to think that they have to fill every second of silence with conversation, and they don't. Quiet is refreshing and calming, too. Quiet people usually have more depth and insight than other people do, in my opinion.

I also agree in that people look at you after you've spoken because they're not used to you speaking. People used to do that to me a lot, but it wasn't a bad thing. I remember speaking up in class once, and then one of my classmates yelled, "Damn, she's smart!" I like the idea of trying to speak up more, whether that's in class or outside of class. I know it's easy to think that everyone is staring or somehow making fun of you, but try to remember that everyone is busy and they're most likely absorbed in something entirely different.

[DomoKay]

I definitely know that feeling when it seems like you're being awkward. In my experience, I became aware that some of the things I do are really awkward, and eventually kind of embraced being "awkward". I can't really explain it but I felt like since I was aware of it, I just kind of accepted that is how I am or how people perceive me. Some people think that being awkward is really cute and funny! I mean, everyone loves Jennifer Laurence because she is brutally honest, is first to laugh at herself, and embraces the way she thinks and therefore act. Maybe you need to just go easy on yourself a bit! I know I especially seem more awkward when I am thinking about it or trying not to be awkward. If you feel like you can't be yourself around your friends, maybe you need to branch out your support group a little more to people who can help you feel more comfortable with yourself. PM me if you want to talk more about it, but hang in there!!

[Lionheart]

Hey there

Just because you're quiet doesn't mean you're a loser. A lot of people are quiet but smart and wonderful people.

Someone once told me that because I'm always so quiet people always shut up the second I start talking, because they want to know whats on my mind. It's because if you're quiet you often don't give people much information about yourself. They don't know what to think about you, so everything you say is twice as important to them, because they don't have much more about you.
That's why they look. Because we always look at what interests us.
If they exchange looks and look away, well there's many different reasons for that. One could be, that they just don't know what to say to that or how to answer. It simply means, they don't know how to react, which isn't necessarily bad. It doesn't make you a loser, maybe a bit awkward, but that's ok. We all are sometimes

What I think is important though is, that you don't try to be "normal". You can't change who you are. You maybe can change your behavior, or the way you dress, even the way you talk, but if it doesn't fit your character then people will notice. If you're uncomfortable people will feel it, even if you act like you are not and then everything will be more awkward.
Not saying you can't try to something new and see how it works for you, but if it's not who you are, you shouldn't keep it up. It's ok to speak up more and try to fit in more, but don't adapt any behavior that makes you feel bad. It will backfire sooner or later.
Being a bit awkward is ok. Most people feel it at times, even those that don't seem to. Everybody has their little quirks and weird habits and that's what makes you and everyone else so amazing and unique So embrace it

[WhisperingSilence]

This sounds abit like me in my karate class. I'm one of the quieter ones in my class for karate and when I do sometimes talk I find people do occaisonally talk over me or have occaisonaly sniggered - over time I found as I got more used to talking in class and became a little more confident... I've like somewhat learned to ignore these sniggers etc. Could you maybe ignore the looks etc when you do talk in class ? Would it be possible for you to maybe at the end of class maybe have like a little private chat with your teacher? I found this helped me. I let me instructor know about my issues with speaking in large groups and she now does usually tell the guys in my class to shhhhh etc if I do like speak in class.

[Destroyprophecy]

I know exactly how you feel i used to be so shy to the point where i was called mute and it was even more difficult because i am the stand out person of the school due to my uniqueness and style. Over the years i grew a little more out of my shyness and i have made lots of progress. I try and talk to people ik that have the same interests or talk to friends of my friends as you get older little by little it will get better its not something that can change suddenly you just have to move at a pace you are comfortable at dont let other people force you into situations to be less shy in my case this made it worse.