About to get suspended from school

[TwistofFate_07]

So there's this girl who had called me a faggot on Friday. I'm planning on fighting her during gym on Monday with is why the title says that I'm about to get suspended. This isn't the first time she had disrespected me. She disrespected me before winter break too. She had called me a rainbow. Sounds funny but you know what I'm done. I always promised myself that if someone disrespects my because of my sexuality then I would stand up for myself. Even if that means fighting. But what do you guys think? What would you do if this was you?

[hocus pocus]

If it were me, I probably wouldn't fight her. Fighting her would let her know that I reacted to what she said and I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of that.

I can't stop you from fighting her but I think you should seriously consider everything first. I think it is at least worth reporting her to someone first so the school staff are aware that you were provoked if anything does happen. I think it's good you want to stand up for yourself but there are ways of doing that without including violence.

Keep me updated.

[ladygodoftitsandwine]

Take it from someone who had their fair share of drama in high school. Physical altercations WILL escalate the problem. Do you really want to give that person the satisfaction of knowing you got suspended because of them? Believe me, I know what you're going through. But the fact of the matter is that we are powerless over others. So what if she talks smack about or to you? Words are easy to say. What matters is that you feel comfortable with yourself. Your opinion about yourself is the only one that matters. You will encounter a whole lot of people in your life who will say or do disrespectful things. It's a fact of life, unfortunately. But we are defined by the ways in which we handle those situations. What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to set a pattern for yourself in that you solve your problems by resorting to fighting? Fighting will NOT get your point across. I say that from experience. It WILL make the problem worse. I understand that what she said to you is very upsetting. But guess what? You get the better end of the deal. You can choose to just not talk to her and ignore her. She has to LIVE with being a sh***y human being. So really, you already won. Don't worry, karma will get her at some point. Just sit back and wait for her to ruin her own life because she doesn't know how to act.

I'm sorry you are getting teased but fighting doesn't solve anything. I would honestly report her to the councilor of teacher or someone you trust. Because honestly you don't know why she is teasing you about your sexuality she might just be jealous because you have come out and she is scared too. She might be having problems at home and gets abused so she takes it out on you. I honestly would tell someone at the school and ask them to speak with her. Don't fight her it's not worth getting in trouble when it can be resolved a different way.

If you ever need to talk you can always PM/VM me anytime.

[Eternal]

From a Buddhist perspective, holding onto anger just ends up hurting you rather than the other person. It's clear she is disrespectful and you don't care for her, so don't give her any satisfaction. She's not worth getting suspended for. I know it's hard, but really try and just ignore her. Fighting her won't solve any of your problems, it will only make new ones. Be the bigger person here, be more mature then her. Honestly if you physically harm her, I think that's a lot lower than her calling you names.

[random.swirls]

Do you have a teacher who you could talk to about what is happening? It is unacceptable for the girl to call you names. Personally, I think that fighting won't do anything as it will only make the situation worse. She is trying to get a reaction out of you.

x

[NonIndigenous]

Originally Posted by TwistofFate_07

So there's this girl who had called me a faggot on Friday. I'm planning on fighting her during gym on Monday with is why the title says that I'm about to get suspended. This isn't the first time she had disrespected me. She disrespected me before winter break too. She had called me a rainbow. Sounds funny but you know what I'm done. I always promised myself that if someone disrespects my because of my sexuality then I would stand up for myself. Even if that means fighting. But what do you guys think? What would you do if this was you?

You are being too explosive about it. There are better ways of getting back at people like that, than kicking their ass in front of everyone.

Firstly, don't do it in front of everyone (lol). You're less likely to get suspended then.

Secondly, don't do it at all unless absolutely necessary. You don't gain someone's respect by kicking their ass, because that just is not how "respect" works. At all. "Standing up for yourself" doesn't have to mean "beating others up".

There are two strategies I'd use in the first place. Either:
1. Ignore it altogether. You've got better things to do with your life, than take stupid risks by beating up stupid people who seriously aren't worth it
2. Escalate the situation, subtly. I don't recommend this though. What it involves, is that you give her the reaction she wants. You act like the victim. This will increasingly embolden her, until you get your chance to strike back. Even by simply telling a teacher, which should be good enough. What you want first though before you go to a teacher with this, is evidence, and that's what this strategy is about. If she is stupid enough, she will even do it in front of a teacher. Otherwise, just use a smartphone to record her when she doesn't know about it. But this "strategy" means you'll have to take a lot shit and swallow it. It's why I don't recommend it. It doesn't sound like it would suit you.

Will this solve the problem? No guarantee. What I really want to say here though is: think it through, before you act.

You'd be surprised, but I even have a "protocol" written down which I stick to, when dealing with unpleasant people. It's just something to organise my thoughts and remind myself of a few basic rules on how to deal with assholes, when I might be too worked up and angry to remember it naturally. Violance & physical confrontations are on the list, but they are the last on the list, used once everything else fails.


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[Sophrosyne]

Her calling you names is unacceptable, but fighting her will not solve anything. She will think she has won anyway no matter who wins the fight. Telling a teacher would be the best thing to do in this situation, no matter how stupid it may seem to be "telling on someone". If you want the situation to stop, you get a teacher to step in and make it stop. You getting suspended won't help the situation though.

Even though she is calling you names, she is not physically hurting you and you hurting her is lower than what she did, no matter how much provoking she has done. She just wants to get a reaction out of you, don't give her that satisfaction.

[MWF]

Looking back, I got called a faggot a billion times in grade school. Most of the time I'd laugh it off, but eventually I got sick of it. Its sucks though, because I could've destroyed that kid in a fight. I regret not doing it. An ass-kicking of a lifetime along with his subsequent punishment might have even changed his cocky personality thats currently destroying his life. And as a perfect student, I might have just got a slap on the wrist. Just remembering that makes me think I could have boosted my self-esteem and self-confidence.
However, that was GRADE school. You're in high school. The consequences are a lot more serious. I wouldn't... at school.

[fallingstargirl]

I think people summed it up pretty well - a physical fight won't actually solve any problems. See if you can report what she said to you to an adult.

[TwistofFate_07]

So on Monday(Jan 11) I had confronted her in the locker room. I had got in her face and tried to fight her. She had got scared and didn't want to fight me. At first she had said to meet her after school and she'll beat my ass. But I didn't want to fight her after school I wanted her right there and then. So like I said before that's when she had got scared. So then she had left the locker room and was going to the nurse. So I had followed her out the locker room through the gym all the way to the nurses office which is in front of the school. The nurses offices and the gym are both in front of the school. It goes front entrance then the nurse then the teacher sign in desk then the gym. So then when we had got to the front she had told one of the security guards and a police officer who just happened to be there. For what reason I have no idea. Anyway, she had went inside the nurses office and I had tried to go in but I could because the police officer was in the way. So he had got in my face and I told him what she had said to me and he just ignored me. So then one of my teachers had took me back to the gym and talked to me. So theny english teacher had walked me back to the classroom so that I could calm down because I was really upset. I have problems with my anger. So my teacher had told my principal and wrote up an incident report. After that I was walked to science.

As far as my consequences I was put on hall restriction for the rest of the day. Remind you science started at 1:46. School ends at 2:45. So I was only on hall restriction for that one class. So I told to be escorted to the bus port because I still had intentions on fighting her. Well I had refused. So as a result of refusing hall restriction, not listening to my teacher, and still trying to fight her I was suspended Tuesday and was placed in ISS on Wednesday. ISS is In School Suspension. That's basically where they put you in the room for the day and your not allowed to leave. You have to be escorted to the bathroom. Basically everywhere. They give you work from your teachers to do for the day. You can't have your phone and you can't talk. You cant even go to lunch. They bring your lunch to you. Sucks but I didn't really care.

[NonIndigenous]

Originally Posted by TwistofFate_07

I have problems with my anger.

That is obvious. So do I. You really need to reign it in, or in the long term it will get you into much worse situations than detentions or school suspensions.

Tearing each other to pieces is what animals do.

Do you see those youtube videos sometimes, of nutcases on buses going fucking apeshit on each other like someone dropped meth into a monkey cage? Because they don't like the look of someone else's shoes (or some other shit reason).

Don't degenerate into that. It usually starts in school.

.

[hocus pocus]

I agree with what's been said. Maybe you can consider learning how to deal with your anger in a healthy way. You can journal about it, or blog about it. A lot of people benefit from doing something physical like some sort of exercise or even screaming or destroying something they don't need anymore. Try to work through your feelings so you don't feel the need to use violence.

[ladygodoftitsandwine]

You posted on here asking for advice and then did the very thing you were advised not to do.
She got scared and walked away from you. It sounds like you made your point very clear.
The only person you caused harm to in this situation was yourself. You ignored the advice you were given and as a result, you almost assaulted the girl and now you're suspended. Do you want to be a bully? Because your actions show that you're fine with it. It is better to be loved than to be feared, trust me.
Attempting to cause harm to someone else causes harm to you as well. Cuts and bruises heal, but you will have to live with what you tried to do or will try to do. I experienced the same kind of thing when I was your age. She talked shit about you. Okay, now move on. Teenagers talk shit. It's extremely common. If someone says something to or about you that upsets you, then that means you value their opinion. The only person you are fooling is yourself.