I really don't want to be forced to wait a whole year before college and be far behind my age-appropriate peers

[It is 57 below zero]

This is really urgent, I need serious advice because time is seriously running out and it's a long term decision that can be negative. I don't want to be a year older than most of my classmates throughout college.

I graduated high school in 2015 and I should've been in college this past fall but my parents wouldn't enroll me in college soon enough, they were very late getting my transcripts and everything. I was supposed to be put in a college in October of 2015 (at first my parents even planned to put me in by October) but they haven't yet worked out a plan for transportation. I am supposed to be a part of the class of 2019 for college but I don't want to be put in a group of younger classmates.

I don't have a way to convince my parents to put me in real soon. I don't want them to force me to wait a whole year. I already missed an entire semester of instruction and it will be hard enough for me to catch up with my peers as it is. I'm supposed to be the class of 2019 and I don't want to become the class of 2020 or later. In the last few months at least 5 of my former classmates from high school have contacted me, I felt seriously humiliated when I had to tell them I wasn't in a college yet. I feel most comfortable staying on track with my age-appropriate peers. I don't like being the odd one out. Since I went to a challenging high school, I'd say around 95% of my class graduated, and at least 80% of them are in either a two-year or four-year college/university since this fall. I feel like I'm behind.

I also feel like I'm far behind my peers for a number of reasons. For one, after my freshman year in high school, most of the classes there were hard for me and I struggled and didn't understand the material very well (I went to a high school with mostly challenging classes) so my grades weren't as great as half my classmates. Secondly, I'm listed as a special education student. That's already bad enough as it is; adding those problems plus being a year or two older than most of my classmates due to late enrollment will make me look and feel like a stupid person. I don't want to look like someone who's been redshirted in kindergarten or someone that failed a grade.

How can I tell my parents that I want to maintain my intended graduation year of 2019? They keep telling me that there will be some classmates in their 30s and 40s but I went to a challenging school with a high graduation rate and focuses on college preparation, and since it has a higher graduation rate than most schools in my area I want to stay on track with my peers. My mother keeps telling me how she waited a year after HS graduation before she started college - and didn't even finish - but I'm still not comfortable being placed with a group of younger classmates regardless. I don't want to be "redshirted" a whole year. If I miss this whole year I might lose complete motivation to go to college because I'll feel embarassed being a year older than most of my classmates and being the odd one out of most of the people who graduated at my school. Even if no one else makes fun of me for being older I still feel uncomfortable being older than the average college freshman.

I also feel very bored because since I graduated this spring I've been sitting up in my house with barely anything productive to do, day in and day out, for 7+ consecutive months.

[Kate*]

This may come across as harsh, but I'm going to give my opinion based on having gone to college and beyond:

Okay, by the time you get to college most people don't care how old you are and a lot of people take a year off, so one year won't make that much difference. I get that it's embarrassing to be behind, I ended up two years behind in grad school and had to keep explaining myself, then I ended up dismissed and all my friends are graduating into the career I always wanted that is no longer and option for me. Then they're adding me on Facebook and posting about it, so yeah, I get the embarrassment of not keeping up with your peers because as happy as I am for them, it still hurts.

Having said that, if being a year older than most people in your classes is enough to keep you from going, it might be worth seriously considering if and why you really want to go. It's a big commitment and going only for the sake of your reputation isn't really the best reason. I mean, if you think about it, the longer you wait the bigger the age gap will be, so if you keep this as your excuse you may never go and you'd be cheating yourself out of an education you say you want because of other people's opinions.

The second thing, I'm seeing a lot of excuses here, that won't fly in college. The classes may have been hard, and as someone with a learning disability, I get that, but if you fail a class in college you can't say it was because it was too hard because most people will have passed it. There should be no shame in being a special ed student. It DOES NOT mean that you're stupid and in college people won't know unless you tell them (professors can't even legally ask you about it). If you really want to go, don't let that stop you, but make sure to get the accommodations you'll need from the school's disability services.

Blaming your parents, others, or circumstances is seriously the most hated excuse among college staff ever. So, "I'm a year behind because my parent's didn't do XYZ" will NOT work there. You're an adult now and that's how you'll be treated. If you need your transcripts, you request them, transportation, you figure it out, applications/enrollment it's all on you to get this done. They can help you stay organized and with financial aid (because that makes sense to no one), but if you keep blaming other people or situations for the fact that you aren't where you want to be, you'll never get anywhere and your professors WON'T take it easy on you. If you're struggling and need help, you'll have to ask for it, have an issue with a professor, you have to talk to them, your paper's late because you had a fight with your significant other?, not good enough reason, I could go on.

So, if you want to go to school in January look into community college (most 4-year schools probably won't take you for January this late because of application deadlines), find out the deadlines, required materials, how to go about obtaining them, and then apply. You might be better off applying for May because it can be hard to get materials (transcripts, test scores, etc.) sent in time to make the deadline. Otherwise, keep looking for a job.

[It is 57 below zero]

It's a big problem for me because under that scenario, my classmates won't be my chronological peers. If my birthday fell in like August or September (on the younger end of a grade level) then I could probably manage it, but I'm born in April.

I should be entering freshman year of college at age 18 and turning 19 in April of that year. If I had to wait a year, I'll be 20 during my freshman year. I'll be 20 while most everyone else is 17-19. Those aren't my chronological peers and it would look an awful lot like I failed a grade. It would make me look like I'm dumb because I'm not in the grade level I should be in with my same-age peers.

[Celyn]

Hey there,

I just wanted to say that going into college is different from previous education. In school, you would be with same age peers but college is different. It's a mixture and no-one really pays much attention to age. When I was in university, there were a few people my age (18-19 when I first started), a few people a few years older than me (ranging from 1 to 5 years older than me) and I even managed to do voluntary work with people who were double my age! You're all there because you are interested in continuing your studies, regardless of age.

[Nightblood.]

Literally no one is going to ask your age. No one will even know you're not the same age. And it's true that you'll likely have a very large age range in your classes anyways. I attended the second largest university in the US, and out of the hundreds of people I've met I only know one or two that graduated "on time" for their age/year. The only way your age will be a problem for you in college is if you make it one.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I do have to agree with Kate though that excuses like "My parents wouldn't do XYZ" won't fly in college. I don't know your situation but I had to do a lot of the things myself, such as ask people for letters or recommendation and request my official transcript from my guidance counselor at school. Even if you aren't in school anymore you can always give the guidance counselor a call and they'll probably be more than willing to give the transcripts to you in a few business days. I don't know if they're there right now because of the holiday, though, but maybe on January 2nd or 3rd you can give them a call. The secretary will probably be happy to direct you to who you need to talk to.

You don't necessarily have to convince your parents. Take initiative. Tell them "I am going to apply to X, Y, Z school" and then DO IT. A lot of the time the applications will tell you what you need to do, such as including your GPA, writing an essay, or mailing in a copy of your transcript. Of course, definitely do ask questions if you need help on any part of the application because you don't want to do anything wrong, but take initiative.

As far as transportation goes, it can be based on your schedule. A lot of schools even offer free or reduced bus passes for their students if they can work a deal with the local bus company, so that's an option. My school happens to be near a train station so people even take the train. If you have friends going to the same school you can ask for a ride, or you can ask family members. You can offer gas money, or sometimes I'll pay my friends in food or things like that if they prefer. Of course, depending on where you go and your financial situation another option is living on campus.

A lot of people do take a year off from school, and a lot of my friends from high school aren't in college now for whatever reason. I'm a sophomore, so they'd be "behind" too, if you want to look at it that way. But that's okay. A year off from college will give them time to enjoy their adult life after graduation without having to worry about classes and things of that nature.

But being younger in college isn't really that huge of an issue. I actually have friends who are as old as 26. Actually I know quite a few people who decided to go to school later in life, so you won't be that far off. I have friends in every grade level, and there are a wide variety of ages. Honestly, in college nobody really cares how old you are. What matters more is that you're actually there to learn and don't act immature. You're bound to fit in with people.

The thing is, you have to take initiative to fit in with people as well. Join clubs and social groups, that is the BEST advice I can give you. I'd still be pretty damn alone on campus today if I didn't do that. But that's how I met all my friends, of a variety of ages.

Most schools have a disability resource center (that's what they call it here) or similar program, where if you have a disability you can meet with them and see what can be done to help. This can mean things like having a note taker or longer test time, or whatever else they think will help. Nobody I've talked to who who has used our DRC has felt any sort of stigma surrounding it. While there will be letters that you can give to your professors so they know what's up and can work with you, they will NOT share this information with your classmates, so they won't know.

It won't fly to simply say the classes are too hard though. It's college, and as harsh as it sounds, teachers aren't normally going to baby you. That being said, they WILL help, but you have to take initiative. Find out when their office hours are and ask for one-on-one help. Attend tutoring sessions and study with your classmates, since two heads are better than one. The work is meant to be harder. This is higher education and you are meant to be learning, not breezing by.

That being said, though, there's no shame in dropping classes sometimes if you think you'll fail. I've done it twice now. Just don't make too much of a habit of it and you should be fine.

College classes are mixed, so it's likely you won't be with people of the exact same age anyway. I've been in classes as a freshman with seniors, for instance. Nobody really pays much attention, and it doesn't really matter. That shouldn't be the only reason to keep you out of school, but if it is going to be a huge issue for you I strongly urge you to make use of a counselor who may be able to help you work through these feelings. It's nowhere near the same thing as failing a grade. Some people just start later for a variety of reasons. There's no shame in that.

I agree with Kate that you could always try to get into a community college and then transfer into a four-year university. Just try to ensure the credits transfer. This could actually make things cheaper for you in the long run, too, because community colleges generally cost less, and you can get some of your general education requirements out of the way before transferring into the more costly four-year university.

If you really want to gain a college degree, don't let something like having to wait a year hold you back. Go out and get it, you'll be glad you did.

-Dez

[i_like_black]

Hey there.

Age-appropriate? In tertiary education? What a hoot.
I started my tertiary career a year early. I thought I would be surrounded by mostly 18 year olds.
WRONG.
Most of my class were in their 20s, some older (by a lot), a fair few 18 - 19, and two or three of us 16 - 17.

The thing is, when it comes to education, age is a meaningless number. The numbers that matter are on your GPA. Nobody cares if you're a year behind. Nobody cares if you have a disability. Sure, you care, but guess what? You're not the one grading your papers.

I have to agree with Kate*. If you're finding this many excuses, then you need to question why you want to go to college. Is it because everyone else is doing it? Is it because it's what's "expected" of you? Because neither of those reasons is going to give you the motivation to make it through 3+ years of full-time study. And to be honest, if you struggled in high-school, a bridging programme to prepare you for the intensity of tertiary education is probably not a bad idea. They take about a semester, so it's a good way to continue your education whilst meeting new people who are AT college and getting a feel for the environment.

So what if you were in Special Ed. You graduated high-school, right? Beyond that, if you need accommodations, that's between you and your education provider. If you think it's going to stop you, you're probably right. What comes through most to me from your post is that you're looking for reasons why you CAN'T do it.

Heck with that attitude, you may as well go apply for social security or whatever it is.

My suggestion to you is start looking at reasons why you CAN do it. Forget about your age because the reality is, you're the only one that cares about that. Start working on getting in to your preferred schools. Collect the stuff you need. Set smaller goals. If you're sitting at home getting bored, that's your problem. Join a gym. Or a hobby club. Go for walks. Get intimate with your city's public transport. Go to the library. Take quizzes online. Complaining of boredom doesn't make you not bored.

Oh, and you're 18. Stop expected Mummy and Daddy to solve all your problems. This is the real world. Getting into college is YOUR responsibility.

And, if you feel like college is not for you (it often isn't for people, no shame in that), then start applying for jobs - which you should be doing anyway. Part-time work looks good on your CV, gives you extra cash, and keeps you from getting too bored.

[Kate*]

Originally Posted by Epiphany.

Hey,

Most schools have a disability resource center (that's what they call it here) or similar program, where if you have a disability you can meet with them and see what can be done to help. This can mean things like having a note taker or longer test time, or whatever else they think will help. Nobody I've talked to who who has used our DRC has felt any sort of stigma surrounding it. While there will be letters that you can give to your professors so they know what's up and can work with you, they will NOT share this information with your classmates, so they won't know.

Mine was called Student Accessibility Services, I'm pretty sure all schools have to have them so that students can attend regardless of disability status because keeping them out because of that would be illegal. I don't even know if the professor would know who the accommodations were for, from what I heard the letter is generic and it just says "a student in your class needs such and such accommodations" and then they are required by law to provide them if the student chooses to go through the process of accepting them. They only know if your disability is visible or you choose to tell them (and in my personal experience, they don't want to go there because it's illegal for them to discuss it with you even if you disclose it to them.)

[It is 57 below zero]

Originally Posted by Kate*

This may come across as harsh, but I'm going to give my opinion based on having gone to college and beyond:

Okay, by the time you get to college most people don't care how old you are and a lot of people take a year off, so one year won't make that much difference. I get that it's embarrassing to be behind, I ended up two years behind in grad school and had to keep explaining myself, then I ended up dismissed and all my friends are graduating into the career I always wanted that is no longer and option for me. Then they're adding me on Facebook and posting about it, so yeah, I get the embarrassment of not keeping up with your peers because as happy as I am for them, it still hurts.

Having said that, if being a year older than most people in your classes is enough to keep you from going, it might be worth seriously considering if and why you really want to go. It's a big commitment and going only for the sake of your reputation isn't really the best reason. I mean, if you think about it, the longer you wait the bigger the age gap will be, so if you keep this as your excuse you may never go and you'd be cheating yourself out of an education you say you want because of other people's opinions.

The second thing, I'm seeing a lot of excuses here, that won't fly in college. The classes may have been hard, and as someone with a learning disability, I get that, but if you fail a class in college you can't say it was because it was too hard because most people will have passed it. There should be no shame in being a special ed student. It DOES NOT mean that you're stupid and in college people won't know unless you tell them (professors can't even legally ask you about it). If you really want to go, don't let that stop you, but make sure to get the accommodations you'll need from the school's disability services.

Blaming your parents, others, or circumstances is seriously the most hated excuse among college staff ever. So, "I'm a year behind because my parent's didn't do XYZ" will NOT work there. You're an adult now and that's how you'll be treated. If you need your transcripts, you request them, transportation, you figure it out, applications/enrollment it's all on you to get this done. They can help you stay organized and with financial aid (because that makes sense to no one), but if you keep blaming other people or situations for the fact that you aren't where you want to be, you'll never get anywhere and your professors WON'T take it easy on you. If you're struggling and need help, you'll have to ask for it, have an issue with a professor, you have to talk to them, your paper's late because you had a fight with your significant other?, not good enough reason, I could go on.

So, if you want to go to school in January look into community college (most 4-year schools probably won't take you for January this late because of application deadlines), find out the deadlines, required materials, how to go about obtaining them, and then apply. You might be better off applying for May because it can be hard to get materials (transcripts, test scores, etc.) sent in time to make the deadline. Otherwise, keep looking for a job.

I really don't remember posting anything that says something about "my parents won't do XYZ". The only thing I said is that my parents won't put much effort into registering me into a campus to start with. I didn't know that this topic would cause someone to have a strict attitude. Most people have told me in high school and before that nonsense reasons would not fly in college; it didn't fly with half my high school teachers.

Another grey area that I would like to correct: in some parts of high school, I strgggled because I didn't understand the material, not because of slacking and laziness.

Anyway, I really would like to add that I want to graduate in 2019 so if I waited a year, I forgot to add, not only would I be a whole year older than everybody but also it will be very hard to get 4 years worth of work done in 3 years in order to graduate "on time" in 2019 with my regular peers. I wouldn't want to be the only one of the few of a group of friends still in school when everyone else is finished.

[Not_here]

Education is not a competition. I understand in some ways because society likes to track us into abilities the minute we enter school at age 3,4 or 5. There's even honorsor gifted pre school which to me is absurd . But anyway. I think it would help if you really sat down with yourself and asked why it matters. What are the underneath assumptions you're making? For one, you seem to think grade level has to do with intelligence. I don't know who told you this but whoever did they are wrong! So many studies are coming out talking abouthhow school achievement is a poor measurement of future success or future happiness or any of that sort. In fact some people, like me, developed overwhelming anxiety for forcing myself to meet unreasonable expectations.


This is all to say that remember this is your life and you're only human. Listen to your needs. If youve been left back or been in special education, maybe taking time off can be a good thing. A lot of people i know with didabilities may struggle with academics but will thrive in their own way. You've been in school for 10+ years, there are other aspects of life to explore and now you have the time to do it.

I don't know the reason for your parents not helping you out, but if you so strongly disagree then you're free to apply on your own. In fact even if your parents were 100% supportive of you wanting to attend college right away, you should be the one applying. Also, in my state, special education students do not get a regular high school diploma or its equivalence unless they've taken and passed the GED. Maybe that's the first step to start with. Also, what stopped you from applying while you were in high school? If it was the application fees I can understand but there are fee waivers upon request for those who need it and you say that your high school was very big on college so I'm betting there were college ready ness programs and support services available.

[Nightblood.]

Originally Posted by It is 57 below zero

Anyway, I really would like to add that I want to graduate in 2019 so if I waited a year, I forgot to add, not only would I be a whole year older than everybody but also it will be very hard to get 4 years worth of work done in 3 years in order to graduate "on time" in 2019 with my regular peers. I wouldn't want to be the only one of the few of a group of friends still in school when everyone else is finished.

It's really not a huge deal. I graduated after all my classmates that I had become close to in my college courses (I was in a very small program and was with the same 30 people for most classes). I didn't go to graduation with them, I had to wait another semester. It's not the end of the world. Not many people graduate "on time." It's also possible to take summer classes on most campuses.

[NonIndigenous]

People in university don't give a flying toss how old you are. You've got people enroling on undergraduate courses who are even 40 years old, or more. They usually tend to enroll to the part-time courses, but you'll see a few doing full-time... and they mix almost as much and integrate as anyone else (although it will depend if they're married and got kids or not). That's my experience. Age matters less the older you get. Like a 13 year old going out with a 17 year old is "weird", a 20 year old going out with a 25 year old isn't.

Also... missing out a year or two due to "unforseen circumstances" (or whatever reasons)... doesn't mean you will be "behind" anyone on anything. That entirely depends on you, and what you do with your time. Some people will spend that kind of time trolling the internet and spamming youtube comments, others will spend it playing PS3, others will go "travelling", others will take language teaching courses so they can earn better money during their studies, or maybe will get a job that alligns itself with their future degree (like privately teaching maths to middle-schoolers, not stocking shelves in walmart). You might be crap at teaching privately at first (I think most people would be), and might loose your first few opportunities because of it, but then you learn, get better at it... and that's something you can boast about when you're applying. It's not just about the money, or keeping up your maths abilities. It also develops communication skills for group work (no bullshit, it does make a difference, unless you're a completely natural extrovert and it comes entirely effortlessly to you).

Whether you fall a year behind or not depends on how you spend that year, and that's up to you. Find something productive to do, don't rely on others to give it to you. I used my free time to get into psychology and it's application in management. I wasn't very well structured about it, and it's nothing compared to taking a proper course, but it's hell a lot better than doing nothing or crap like watching Honey Boo Boo on TV and getting bloated eating crisps. Fuck that show.


.

[Kate*]

Originally Posted by It is 57 below zero

I should've been in college this past fall but my parents wouldn't enroll me in college soon enough, they were very late getting my transcripts and everything. I was supposed to be put in a college in October of 2015 (at first my parents even planned to put me in by October) but they haven't yet worked out a plan for transportation. I don't have a way to convince my parents to put me in real soon.

Actually, you did say your parents wouldn't or didn't do XYZ, I was paraphrasing.

You're an adult now and these things are your responsibility.

I never said you were lazy, some classes are hard, if you ask for help with them you should be fine. I'm being tough with you because I've been there done that at 3 different colleges and 2 different levels. I know what it's like.

[It is 57 below zero]

One thing that I forgot to add is that I do understand that it is very common for some people to take a year off if they need to work or if there's something majorly important they need to do or something fun they want to do at first opportunity. I posted this thread because 2015 has not been a very good year for many reasons, and that the time spent at home was *not* spent on anything productive or enjoyable.

Usually when little kids, at least, think of a break away from school, they look forward to having fun for a while (during Christmas break or summer break) before going back to the business of school and testing and homework. The "break" for me didn't feel like a break because the house I'm staying at is boring for the while (because of several family issues, and poverty due to a recently elected governor in my state that makes poor decisions, these are problems that started at the beginning of 2015).

Originally Posted by Kate*

Actually, you did say your parents wouldn't or didn't do XYZ, I was paraphrasing.

You're an adult now and these things are your responsibility.

I never said you were lazy, some classes are hard, if you ask for help with them you should be fine. I'm being tough with you because I've been there done that at 3 different colleges and 2 different levels. I know what it's like.

Yes, that paragraph was about the registration step only.

[NonIndigenous]

Originally Posted by It is 57 below zero

I posted this thread because 2015 has not been a very good year for many reasons, and that the time spent at home was *not* spent on anything productive or enjoyable.

Originally Posted by It is 57 below zero

Usually when little kids, at least, think of a break away from school, they look forward to having fun for a while (during Christmas break or summer break) before going back to the business of school and testing and homework. The "break" for me didn't feel like a break because the house I'm staying at is boring for the while (because of several family issues, and poverty due to a recently elected governor in my state that makes poor decisions, these are problems that started at the beginning of 2015).

I don't want to sound demeaning here... but don't compare yourself to "little kids". You're just harming yourself doing that. Adult life is different. Sometimes holiday routines are similar, especially for adults with kids who want to spend their holidays together... but it's not something to compare yourself to anymore. It's over... which doesn't mean that you can't enjoy your holidays. The theory behind truly enjoying a good holiday, is to get working for the rest of the time when you're not on holiday. That way, you can appreciate holidays. Otherwise, holidays seem like any other time of the year, nothing special at all.

The other thing... about your problems at home. Although my family rarely had money problems, our relationships were worse than shit a lot of the time. Home didn't feel like a "home". I learned to block it out eventually, but it took years for me to grow the thick skin I needed to do that. To this day, I am more likely to sit down with my laptop in the mall, or at McDonalds and do my work, than go back home at the end of the day, even if I'm living alone. It's just become a habit.

You need to learn how to confine all that "background noise" of a chaotic family home, to the back of your mind. Don't let it run your life. Pick something to focus on, and do it. Buy yourself a good pair of noise-isolating headphones, put some music on, and do your thing.

Last thing: don't blame it on your governor. Avoid blaming things on other people. The only way you can change your own life, is if you take responsibility for it... not blaming it on the governor. It's a bad habit. You blame the governor. Other people blame their parents. Other people blame their kids, or partners. And some blame black people, some blame immigrants, some blame white people. It's all bullshit. Don't do it. I think this is probably the most important advice I've got. Don't blame others. Doing so... you voluntarily give up any control you have by taking the attitude "I can't do anything about it, because it's other people's fault". It's defeatist. Fuck those "other people". Don't even think about them. They're a distraction.


.

[It is 57 below zero]

I would also like to know, many people have stated that after 2 years you get an associate's degree, and a bachelor's degree after 4 years.

So does that mean that you get an associate's degree after your sophomore year in university? If not, then after doing a community college for two years and then deciding to transfer to a big university, does that mean that time is wasted and you have to do 4 more years all over again? Or would you be placed in a grade level after transferring from a 2 year community college?

[Nightblood.]

There are no "grade levels" in college. I think that's where one of your problems is coming from. If you chose to go to a community college first, you would do a "two year" degree to receive your AA. If you wanted a bachelors after community college then you would transfer to a "four year" school and complete a degree but you more than likely wouldn't need to do 4 years. When you get a bachelors from a university, you generally need to complete general education requirements (things like history and english) which would be the same as an AA.

[It is 57 below zero]

Does anyone know what campus life and "dorm life" is like? How many roommates do you usually have, and are they usually courteous, as for example, do they usually become loud late at night if you have an early class the next morning?

Are there bathrooms inside the dorm rooms? If not, are they single gender or both genders?

Do dorm buildings typically have all one gender living in the whole building or are there rooms that can contain a set of people of either gender throughout the dorm building?

[Nightblood.]

It really depends on the college and their dorms. My freshman year I shared a room with one other girl. We had a bathroom that connected to a room with two other girls. Sophomore year I was in a dorm that was an apartment, 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. My school had no dorms with floor bathrooms, however I did almost go to a school that did. My school would consider co-ed rooms on a case by case basis and both people had to agree, same with the apartments.

As for roommates, again it depends on who you get. My roommates freshman year became my best friends. But I also had roommates that were messy, inconsiderate, and loud. For my school, if you really didn't get along then they'd have a mediator try to help. If things were still really bad they would let you move if there was another open room somewhere.