Non-PG13 (Strong Language): My Work

[MsNobleEleanor]

I'm not asking for anyone to understand or to reply, but I can't post this in my Blog. I just need to explain it, put it into words. What I say can be sensitive news to a lot of you and surprising news about advertisers and just everything.

I am honestly fed up, last week I paid for $50 for a PaySafe card (it's much like a gift card but its on a receipt) so I can pay for my ads on BackPage. (BackPage is much like Craigslist) I go and set up how much I wanted it to be automatically posted for me (I think I wanted 9 hours which is $9) found out PaySafe wasn't doing anything. I email BackPage, they said it was a technical issue. I get shit happens I really do. So, I am on the Canadian Message Boards for Escorts and I am in a "Verified Independent" section for Sex Workers (escorts/MA's) and found out that BackPage really sold children to people so PaySafe ended the contract with BackPage. I think it's all bull shit. (not sure if this is even in the media, but I read it on the boards I am on)

Here I am, only had 2 clients since what Wednesday, almost a week ago. Just 2 clients, only two. Don't get me wrong but last month I made over 3 grand and I saw 27 clients. I had goals, I had fucking goals and now they are put on hold. I have a company coming in to clean my carpets which is $300, when I booked it I am like, "$300 isn't a issue I can obtain that in 2 or 3 clients" well fuck me, seriously, this has made me unable to advertise has fucked me over. I was planning to start online College courses, but now, I am laughing. I have my injection shot coming up and meds of $440, a Bill in 2 days for my internet and that, I have rent fast approaching and right now I am just inside my own mind.

What is annoying me is that people think what I (we) do isn't a job, it is a job. I am frustrated because I no longer can use BackPage to advertise (you have to pay for the ads in the Adult Entertainment section) and the stigma is extremely hard to deal with. It never bothered me before but since I can't use BackPage because it's in another form of payment and it's stupid and complex so therefore unable to pay for my ads. The stigma and stress about it is hitting me hard. I feel like this walking time bomb. I've gotten a few text messages and phone calls from people seeing my ads on CraigsList or my website and the ones who do contact me who want something for less than what my rate is, I calmly explain I don't accept that. In the end I call them an "asshole" and hang up on them. I never did that but now, it's getting annoying. I would normally say, "thank you but I don't accept that price, have a great day." then I simply hang up.

I got a new client this weekend, he was very sweet and kind. He almost cried in front of me, I calmed him down and was very kind and compassionate towards his situation. My regular saw me again. It's not like I hate what I do, I love and enjoy what I do. Before this advertising blew up in my face I had set goals because I was able to set these goals based on my income from last month and how this month has been.

I am sick of the damn escorts (sex workers) aren't real people, that we are uneducated, and full of drugs and this and that. I've learned a lot of skills from this job, I've gain more ability to be assertive and I act professional with confidence and this has carried outside my work, in my personal life. I've gain skills on how to talk to people, I've learned ways to market and what works and what doesn't work, a better sense of budget and budget goals, I have a better understanding of what dangerous comments are and I pick up on them, and I've created a good amount loyal and trustworthy clients.

I am just fed up with advertising right now and I am stressed about bills right now. I know a silver lining will be around the corner, I just feel it. I am scared if I reschedule the carpet cleaning for at a later date then my cousin may ask me how my carpets are doing. She is why I am paying $300 for my carpets to get cleaned. She made this issue that my dog got sick because of my carpets and saying all this other shit. So, I was pressured to get it done. Her excuse, "You make a lot of money, so you are able to do this." 1) she doesn't know how much I make or what I charge, 2) I did this for her to get off my damn back, 3) she thinks what I am doing is a bad idea. Whatever is shoved in her head about sex workers needs to stop, it needs to fucking stop. She assumed all this crap about me because of it, all of which was untrue. I wish people would just ask me rather than assume. It's ridiculous. I may just give up my meds to pay for the carpets and pay rent late because I can't deal with someone who thinks everything is my fault and blaming me for something they just don't actually understand. I spent a few days depressed because of her saying this and that about me then I feel better and ready to advertise again, found out I can't. It's like, this stress ball.

I love my cousin but for fuck sakes I don't need that shit. No matter how much I express myself about what I do, it seems no one believes me or I am wrong. Let me ask them, "How would you possibly know? Are you a sex worker?" I am fed up with her and everything else. Can't I be left alone in something I enjoy doing? No one should be able to say anything about what I do and don't do, unless they've done it themselves. The stigmas needs to stop and I wish I can just ask my cousin that but I am not sure if I want to hear the backlash from her.

The laws are fucking stupid, if you don't know how stupid it is, watch this

Just needed to get this out.

[Moyshi]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear things are quite stressful for you right now. Hopefully ranting about it made you feel a bit better. I don't have much advice for you, but I still wanted to comment.

I agree that the stigma behind sex workers is pretty bad, and hopefully things will change in the future. There are many reasons why the stigma is so prevalent but I think some reasons could be that a lot of the time people aren't educated on what sex work is and who does it, they only see/hear about the dangerous and negative side of sex work, and people hold different beliefs when it comes to sex. I'm not trying to defend anyone, however I'm just trying to provide you with some examples as to why people may be giving sex workers a difficult time. Once you understand the reason for the stigma, it can help you sort of figure out how to approach it and what needs to happen for things to change for the better. (Ex. If someone is lacking the knowledge and passing judgments, educate them with accurate information). Hopefully this makes some sense.

I think what you may want to do is prioritize and budget right now. Your rent, medical bills, and other bills are very important. I would suggest putting the carpet cleaning off for another time, when you know you'll be able to afford it on top of your basic expenses. Do not feel pressured into spending your money on this just because it's what someone else wants you to do. You're the one who knows how much money you have, you're the one living in your house, and you're the one who gets to choose what you want to do. I assume you have cleaned your carpets since your dog was sick and that you're not living in unlivable conditions. If this is the case, I would definitely postpone the carpet cleaning, as your other bills are essential and putting those off will only cause you more stress. Your cousin sounds like she doesn't really understand, and therefore, she's not really at liberty to say what you can and cannot afford.

Hopefully things turn around for you soon. Keep your head up. As long as you're working as a sex worker, please be careful and cautious. Make sure you are being as safe as you can be, and don't let money issues put your safety and well-being in jeopardy. Be smart about it, okay?

Good luck with everything.
Take care. :]