Non-PG13 (Strong Language): I'm scared of going back to school cuz I know I'll do poorly

[BoostedEK9]

Ayy! This is my first post, so if I said something I shouldn't have or if I posted this in the wrong forum, lemme know. Thanks!
(And I'd also like to warn you in advance that this is a big ass wall of text, which is conveniently littered with profanity. Sorry, I'm angry)
Aight. So, I've got 31 days, approximately, before I begin 11th grade. Normally, I'm the type of person who actually WANTS to go back to school, because summer with my family (and my lack of friends) is just boring. But this year...I'm genuinely scared. Like, legit, I woke up this morning, opened my eyes, and said out loud "I'm fucked", and I started bawling.

Now, I've had a great track record over the course or my life. It's not like studying "triggers" me, and my current Cumulative GPA is sitting at a cushy 4.2 weighted. But shit, last year felt like a complete fucking trainwreck, nothing short of it. First semester I was doing a-okay, and suddenly once Christmas came and went, I nosedived. Last year my agenda consisted of English 3 Honors, Chemistry Honors, Pre-Calculus Honors, Business Software, HOPE, AP World History, and Spanish 4. For the most part, I was doing well, but my problematic areas were Chemistry and Pre-Calculus. 3rd term I got a C in both of those classes, and 4th term I got a D in calc. That was the first D I've gotten in my entire life, and I can't help but think I'm gonna have far larger problems next year.

In calc, I was one of three sophomores, the other two were band kids so you know they've devoted 24 hours out of their day to school and band. My teacher constantly told me that the class wasn't right for me, and said that I may as well retake Algebra 2. But that's straight bullshit, because, guess what? I got straight A's in Algebra 2 in 9th grade. And when I told my teacher that, she had the AUDACITY to fucking tell me that I probably cheated my way through the whole year, and that I probably cheated in her tests throughout first semester. I WAS THIS CLOSE TO GIVING HER A SCOTTISH KISS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN Really now, that was totally uncalled for and, looking back, I shoulda spat in her coffee or something. Fat fuck

Anyway, onto Chemistry. I'm also really good at science, but...ugh, I got distracted. I had a HUUUUGE crush on my classmate, and I was burning up with sexual tension. And since he's a pretty devout Christian, I couldn't/can't ask him out. Thanks religion, I really appreciate it. When we reached stoichiometry, I began to get super lazy and didn't bother with my work at all, and I just spent the whole period flirting with my crush.

School ended, grades came out, and my father (I don't think there are words to express how much of a HYPOCRITE he is) was angry. He threatened to take away my car keys, computer, phone- everything. Thankfully, I had my ace in the whole, my GPA, and when I showed him I was at a 4.0+ still, he just groaned and said "you're lucky I'm not your mom". My dad gets angry when discussing my future. My dad's brother and his sister both (gonna leave this part out because I understand site has rules in regards to triggers) themselves as a result of unemployment due to worthless degrees in their respective economic climates.

Soo...yeah. That's basically it. I've got 31 days to either get my shit together or don't, because either way I'm going back to school, and I'd really like to keep my car keys. What do I need to do to prepare myself, physically, emotionally, and mentally? Thanks guys!

[Kate*]

Welcome, you can rant here any time you want and this is far from the longest post I've seen so no worries.

I agree that your teacher was completely out of line, she can tell you she doesn't think the class is right for you, but the rest of it was incredibly unprofessional. Maybe calculus isn't your thing and that's okay. One bad semester does not mean you're completely screwed. And my dad is SO similar to your dad, I can't even tell you. I'm starting to think all dads are like that. He wants to prevent you from struggling as much as he can, but I completely get it. Here's what I think you should do:

As far as math goes, find something that's a better fit and be grateful that you probably won't deal with that teacher again. As someone who is an expert at holding grudges Let go of what she said now or it will eat you alive. She was out of line and the fact that she's a teacher doesn't mean she was right about what she said or that she had the right to say it. I know we want people who hurt us to have consequences, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. I am a strong believer in karma though.

With chemistry, you said you just got lazy and stopped doing your work so you already have your solution to that one and as much as it sucks to have a crush you can't act on, you can't let it distract you either because this kind of thing is what happens.

When it comes to your dad, I don't know what to tell you, in my situation I was forced to stop speaking to him because I had just had enough and I'm recovering from pretty much having my entire life collapse and he was the last thing I needed. I think you should just do the best you can and more or less shut him out. You can't control what he says or does, but you don't have to let it get to you.

Also, if you have a history of what I'm guessing is mental illness and you're feeling this bad, professional help is never a bad idea. Maybe start with the school counselor and see what they say. They won't have to tell your parents unless you're harming yourself or someone else, or if you're suicidal.

Physically: Take care of yourself, doing unhealthy things won't change what's happened, but it will make coping with the future that much harder.

Mentally: Realize that one bad semester doesn't mean you're screwed and just because one teacher is out of line doesn't mean she's right. You won't have to deal with her again, the anger is eating away at you and she's not feeling a thing (I'm by no means telling you to go do or say something to her.) And if the guy you have a crush on isn't going to work out, that's okay, but don't let that mess you up. Even if he's not right for you, you'll find someone who is.

Emotionally: You're obviously really smart, you can handle this and think about talking to someone about this whole thing since it's obviously got you upset and scared.

[ThisWillDestroyYou]

Hey there,

Honestly, I can tell by the way you write and your previous track record that you're a bright person. To be honest, have you considered taking less honors courses? If you struggling with motivation, it might help you to ease up a little bit on your course load so you can focus on just a couple of classes intensely. The other thing I'd suggest is start adapting a schedule. That is, literally make an hour-by-hour schedule of what you're going to do. The key to this is make sure you have a designated time you will be DONE studying, and a designated time for free time. The other important thing when focusing on studies is to not make a goal based on amount of work. That is, if you have 20 problems of Calculus, don't say to yourself, "I am going to do 10 problems before I take a break." Rather, set aside TIME that you will work on Calculus. Roughly 30-45 minutes and then take a 15 minute break. Typically what I do is study 45min-1hr and then I'll watch 1 20minute show on Netflix, then go back to study. I try to finish studying by 8pm each night so that my evenings are set aside for my girlfriend. The very last thing I do is anything I struggled with during the day, I will quickly review it before I go to bed -- as in the last thing I do. Then, when I wake up, it's the first thing I look at before getting out of bed. This has been proven to help you retain the information.

Now, as far as math, if you're really struggling in Calculus, maybe look back into Pre-Cal. Unfortunately, and I say this in sincerity, your grades in algebra 2 are really irrelevant unless you understood the concepts. Pre-Calculus, for most, is hard than Calculus. It's the first exposure to REAL math because it is no longer algorithmic. It requires critical thinking, and understanding of concepts -- that is, WHY you do what you do. Not just remembering that the lim of 1/x is 0. But UNDERSTANDING. I am majoring in Aerospace Engineering. So I need a shit ton of math, but pre-calc was one of the hardest courses because you really needed to get your concepts down. If you do well in pre-calc, you'll do well in calculus because calculus is easy. It's the fancy algemebruh that screws everyone up.

Before you say you don't want to do that, I'd really recommend it. Why? Because when you get into college, you're going to have to retake calculus, anyways because HS Calc doesn't even begin to touch on the topics of college calculus. So it's better to get your fundamentals down in pre-calc/algebra 2/trig. Even if you don't think you need to retake it, I would. You won't find it uncommon that most people desiring to go a more science and math route have repeated their math courses more than once. Don't stress about it. Plenty of bright minds and scientists struggled in algebra -- the fact you got an 'A' puts you ahead of them. Just really focus on getting the concepts down before college.

Chemistry, well, it sounds like you know how to handle this. If you end up in a similar situation, ask your teacher if you can record the lecture. This way if you miss any of the important information you can review the lecture on your own time. Otherwise, if you missed it, use KhanAcademy. I'm sure you're familiar with it.

Good luck.