School...

[ThisWillDestroyYou]

This is going to be long, but I'll try to shorten it up.

My job has gotten very mentally unbearable. I have been working full-time, and going to school part-time. My job has made me extremely depressed, details can be spared, but after discussing this with my family, we've decided it's time for me to go to school full-time.

I am majoring in Aerospace Engineering, and my step-dad works for the FAA and knows several engineers. I also know a couple. We discussed with them how I should proceed, and unanimously they said that it will be impossible to work and continue my education.

My courses have started to get difficult, but starting I am planning to work 2 days a week for extra income, and live off of my student loans (I do not live at home anymore, I live with my girlfriend).

And here's the issue: This is extremely stressful for my girlfriend. In fact, the depression I am trying to avoid seems to have rubbed off on her due to my decisions with school. She has already graduated and is at a different point in her life. She wants to be further in life, not dependent on my family and loans for income. Not to mention the affect that engineering school will have on our relationship.

I really don't know what to do. I cannot continue working if I want to better myself long-term, but I hate to put someone else in the situation I've been in for the past few years. Especially my girlfriend.

We've been together 2.5 years, and we live together, we also share a bank account. So my finances, are literally hers. My debt is hers, etc.

I've suggested that we go on a break, separate our accounts, etc. so that she can feel less stressed and have her own money and own life while I pursue my dream.

She won't have it. She refuses to separate our bank accounts, and refuses to move on.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be with her, but I love her and I can recognize that I am being a drain to her happiness, and I don't like that. I am sparing a lot of details to keep it short, but the situation is very serious.

What should I do? Should I let her make the decision on whether we split? Or should I just call things off?

The problem I really face is I know she'd be less stressed and happier without me. I don't doubt it at all. But she has a problem with letting go and moving on. And, while I say all this, I do want to marry her one day. I just don't feel like the timing is right. I don't feel like we should be together right now.

I know that sounds horribly cliche, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to be looming over finances, struggling financially, and forcing her into that situation. I also don't want to have debates and arguments about how much time I spend on school, nor do I want to argue over money... I won't be able to handle it with my classes. When I see how depressed she is, I shut down and can't focus. I can't have this happening. I am currently a 4.0 student, and the future is looking bright, but I need to know how to handle this. Please help.

[TheGuyinCanada]

Be with the one you love . if you dont you will regret it later on

[Always *]

You shouldn't have to compromise your future because she isn't willing to separate your bank accounts. I think what you need to do is at least do that much to start with. I think you need to be clear with her that you are unwilling to put her in the position where she has to take on your debt now that your financial situation has changed. It is causing her an undue amount of stress and that you are not willing to negotiate there. She can't hold you back by refusing to reliqinquish the control she has by keeping your money with hers - if you have to, you could always go to the bank and find out what the process would be to separate your bank accounts. They deal with stuff like that all the time and will probably have a process in place.

You have a right to want to keep going to school and if that is your priority right now then that is your right to choose. You need your education. I don't think you need to choose between her and the education, but obviously a few things need to change in your relationship so that your financial strains and depression won't have to become hers too.

[anonymouswhale]

You undoubtedly need an education to pursue ANYTHING aerospace-related. But, you would feel stressed out if you were your girlfriend, right?

Communication, communication. I would recommend sitting down and talking to her. This isn't about dooming your future together. This is the time for you two to assess your relationship and say, "Let's make a plan to make this work out" rather than "This isn't working out". You need to make a financial plan and stick to it. She needs to hear your side and you hers.

Stress will be greatly reduced if you're both committed to tackling the things you have on your plate. Let her know that your job may put you in debt now, but in a few years it will more than pay the bills. And you want a strong future.

Ask for her opinion on how to handle the situation. Believe me when I say that money is a big deal-breaker with couples. But, if you mentioned even wanting to marry her, then she has to not only be your lover and friend but also your financial team mate.