Friend telling college tutor..?HELP:(

[Sarz_98]

Hi guys,

So basically my college friend (who I also knew in secondary school) found out that I relapsed. She's been asking me weird questions about it and she didn't last time. The teachers at college are always going on about that if you know someone who's self harming than you need to report it to your (form) tutor, and we both have the same one, just different tutor groups.
But anyway, basically when I ask her not to tell anyone or if she has informed anyone she either tells me I need help from college as I don't want to tell my parents or she changes the subject or just ignores my message. So I'm rather worried that she's told him or is going to tell him. and honestly I know I need help in a way before it gets out of control but my tutor will most likely tell my parents, which would generally make it worse. I don't really know what to expect with his reaction either... He has the tendency to give lectures and they're sooooo long, but I guess if he finds out and he gives me one about it I guess it could help me..I guess?

Anyway. Has anyone experienced this before? I mean I have a bad feeling she emailed him about it as we had a day off today and I don't think she would go to him face to face about it. If I get approached by him has anyone got any tips what to say/do? I'm worried my parents are going to find out..
Oh. And my friend told me she wants me to show her my scars tomorrow

[EmisaurusRex]

Hey there,

When I was much younger and in school I had some friends who found out about the extent of my self-harm and went to the school counselor and a couple of teachers to tell them about it, as they were concerned for my safety. My parents did end up finding out about it, which was difficult and uncomfortable, but necessary as school officials here are required to let parents know about situations like that. When my friends spoke with teachers about their concern, the teachers then spoke to me. They were also concerned about me, and they ultimately just wanted to talk to me about what I needed in order to help me. They didn't lecture me, they just had a conversation with me while we tried to figure out what steps to take to help me the best.

So, if your friend has confided in your tutor, it's really just out of concern for you, ya know? Your friend probably recognizes that you're going through a hard time and could use more support than she is able to give you. If your tutor comes to you about it, take it as an opportunity to get that support. Self-harm really isn't a pleasant thing, and thankfully there is help available for you, you just have to accept it. I know from experience that is easier said than done, but it is definitely worth it. If you find that your tutor is starting to lecture you, tell him that you don't need a lecture about it. Tell him what you DO need. Are you in counseling? If not, maybe they can help connect you to those services. I don't know about the rules there in terms of school officials having to let parents know, but if your parents do find out, let that be an opportunity for added support. You parents may have a hard time understanding at first, but hopefully they will be open about it with you and ask you questions so that they can better understand what you're going through.

As far as your friend wanting to see your scars, you don't have to show her. Tell her that it's a really personal thing and you don't feel comfortable showing her. I've had people ask to see my scars before and I've declined. It's a private thing, and you have the right to choose who you show or don't show. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, like if you had harmed yourself and they needed to make sure you didn't need medical attention. However, you aren't obligated to show your friend your scars. Just be honest with her about it, most people are understanding when you say you don't want to show them.

I hope that things work out okay. Let us know if there's anything else we can help with

[hocus pocus]

Hi and welcome to TeenHelp!

Em has given you some great advice, and I agree with what she has said. It can be really unpleasant when people find out about what you're going through, but it is better that people are aware for your benefit. It seems as though your friend cares about you, and it's nice to know that you have a loyal person on your side during all of this. Like Em said, if you are confronted about it, I think it would be best for you to utilize the opportunity to get the help that you need. I had many opportunities years ago to seek help, but I rejected those and I regretted doing so later on.

If you're under eighteen, they're required by law to report it. However, this doesn't mean that they necessarily will. It all boils down to the individual that you're working with.

Like it was said above, you're definitely not obligated to show your scars. Do what you feel comfortable with; do what feels right to you.

Hey there,

If your friend told your tutor then you have to try and realize that she did it because she is worried about you and wants you to get help for this situation before it gets out of control. I know you don't want your parents to find out but them finding out might help benefit you because they could provide you with support and help you work on gaining access to things like counselors other mental health services. Would you ever consider telling them on your own or opening up to another adult that you trust? It might be hard to do but you don't deserve to be going through this on your own.

If your tutor does come to you about this I would hope that he doesn't lecture you. If he does lecture you you could try telling him that that isn't going to help and instead try explaining to him what might help. Do you know some of the things that might help you work through this? Maybe think about that for a time.

Have you ever considered looking at the Alternatives to Self Harm? This could be helpful in helping you learn to overcome the urge to self harm. It might be good to look over that list and try some of the things on that list when you feel like harming yourself. I think the more you try the things listed the more you will find them working for you.

I hope that this helped and if you need anything please feel free to message me.