Making friends in college

[acting101]

Hey there.

I'm going into my third year of post-secondary education- one year at a university, last year at a college, and this year at the same college but a new program.

Every year has been a nightmare when it comes to making friends. In university I was lucky and my roommate and I got along well, and the girl in the dorm room next to me was in the same program. And through her, I met my guy friend, and it was only the 4 of us all year. Another girl would pop in and out, but it was mostly just the 3 of them.

Last year I changed schools and 2 of those 3 friends totally stopped contacting me and the other one just says hi once every couple months. And last year at school I really didn't make any friends... I knew lots of names and had people I could talk to and hang out with during class, but once I got home there was no one. I thought by the end of the year I had a good thing going with people I did a musical with but none of them speak to me now that school is over.

Now I'm just really really terrified about starting another new program with all new people. I've felt alone for so long I just really, REALLY want some good friends and I'm scared of how I'll feel if I don't make any. I guess one of my problems is I'm a bit shy...? I don't like thinking of myself as shy- more just introverted -but I've been called shy by lots of people. I don't like initiating conversations with people I don't know well, and I just seem to have a hard time making personal connections with people. People don't mind when I'm with them in class, but as soon as I don't have to be around them, no one cares to talk to me.

So this is part rant part question. What can I do this year to maybe make a change? I know a lot of people say to just be yourself and you'll make friends, but I've been being myself all these years and it's just left me alone and scared. And now this year I also live off campus for the first time, so I feel like I'm going to be left out of a lot of things. I don't really know what to do. The only people I have to talk to now are my mother and sister and I feel like such a loser because of it.

[Always *]

Meeting people in college can be hard. I struggled also. And the thing is people wouldn't believe I was introverted because I am outgoing in public lol.... I found what helped was to become involved on campus. Like joining a club or something. I made a number of friends by becoming an executive. We might not have been super close but we would have events where we would all get together and talk and all that. Like we all went to see Catching Fire together amongst other things.

I know it sounds silly but engaging with people online can help a lot too. By commenting on posts or chatting with people over various things via private messages. It's superficial but you often have to start there to get anywhere.

For me online dating helped a lot too. I've had a few dates there and met a friend there. I talked to countless guys and usually just declined going further. If your not interested n dating that's ok. But it's just a good way to meet people.

And don't be afraid to make plans. Just ask someone you know to go out for coffee. Repeat until someone is available. Accept party requests even if it sucks and you leave early. Chat with your cashiers even if you'll never see them again. I find just engaging with people as often as possible increases the chances of making friends.

Hey there,

I think that joining clubs is a great way to get involved. I have heard a lot of good things from people about joining clubs. It is a way to get actively involved in your classes and if you join clubs that have to do with things that interest you you are automatically going to meet people who have a shared interest. Meeting people with shared interest is a great way to start conversation and go from there. You can also do a google search for clubs in your area. I got involved in a book club by doing a google search and found a website that connected me to a pretty awesome book club.

Online dating could definitely be a good way to get yourself out there. If you aren't interested in a relationship you can let the person know and you could just go about meeting new people and trying to make friends. I've been talking to a few people on an online dating site and while it can be intimidating at first it is a really good way to get yourself out there and, potentially, find people who could be your friend. And, who knows maybe you'll find more.

Another thing you could try is getting involved in volunteer work within your community. I've been volunteering for a year and it has been great. I haven't made too many friends because of the way the volunteering works but I have definitely made a lot of acquaintances and it is pretty nice having people know my name and be glad to see me show up to the volunteer gig.

Lastly, I know you are shy but try and initiate communication with people. Ask them about the classes you are taking and ask them about a particular homework assignment. I am super shy as well and this is hard for me but when I find the right person I will randomly ask them about a subject we are learning, how they are enjoying the teacher or something like that. If I was brave enough I would try to take it further and build a friendship.

I hope that this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck

[luckiicloverxx]

Hey there,

The two users above pretty much said everything, but I just wanted to say that I think the most important thing is to push yourself out there. The first day is when everyone is looking to make friends, and as long as you're friendly and nice on that day, you'll probably have secured the friends that you'll hang out with during your program. You might think to yourself, "This first day is too scary, I'll just talk to people tomorrow", but that's just making it harder. The first day is the easiest to make friends and all you need to do is be nice.

Feel free to message me if you would ever like to talk!

Kyra