Stress. Graduate school. Overcommitment. Fml.

[Coffee.]

My best friend has described me as "masochistically overcommitted." I mean, I don't think it's that bad. I know people worse than I am. Background knowledge for anybody that doesn't know me, I'm a full time college student (currently only 16 credit hours, or five classes, so not "overtime" or anything), I have two part-time jobs (only about 25-35 hours a week between both of them), I have a leadership position in three on-campus organizations, I'm a member of four others, I recently became a campus rep for a nonprofit organization, and I am the team captain for my school's team for a fundraising walk. I'm also currently applying to be in an honors society for my major. And then TeenHelp. I was talking to my best friend about how I'm such a terrible candidate for graduate school because I don't have research and how I need to apply to research labs, and he basically yelled at me saying that I have enough shit to do already.

Am I actually overcommitted? I've recently started graduate school preparation, and the graduate school I want to go to is an ivy-league school that I feel I have no chance of getting into unless I seriously get straight A's for the rest of my life (currently have a 3.8 GPA...which is above average for the graduate school's admissions, but I go to a public university, so I feel they're simply going to assume our GPAs are more positively skewed or something. I don't know. I just never feel it's good enough. ), do everything I'm doing, get into one or two research labs before I graduate, and do awesome on the GRE. But I'm going to fail the GRE, or at least the quantitative (math/logic) section because I can't do math. So I need to do everything 10x better than a regular person because I need to prove myself.

I mean, I'm getting enough sleep every night, usually 6-8 hours. I don't have a social life, but I didn't have one of those when I wasn't as busy. But I make time for myself...at least an hour each day is spent watching Youtube videos, in TeenHelp chat, you know, relaxing. I'm not exercising enough, but once again, wasn't doing that when I wasn't as busy. I feel like I'm staying fairly sane, with a breakdown from pressure every month or so, but...that's normal in college, right? Or at least out of a college student already dealing with mental illness? On that topic, I did stop seeing a counselor because I didn't have time. Felt bad since I promised my previous counselor I'd continue...But it wasn't helping me much anyway.

Ugh. I guess I just need some advice on if I'm actually overcommitted and if so...is there anything I can actually do about it without putting myself at risk for denial from my dream school? Or a school? Or...something? I don't know. I think I wanted to rant more than anything.

[Adam the Fish]

If you're managing, then I guess you're...not?

But it does sound like you're doing a lot, and you do need to be very careful that you don't take on too much, because additional stress won't help you an awful lot.
If you're enjoying what you're doing, don't need to do anything else, are getting good sleep and keeping stress levels down to an acceptable level, then - especially as you're helping others in what you're doing - I don't see any reason for you to cease doing so.

However, you do definitely need to be careful that you have the ability to prioritise if something else does come up, because you don't want to end up taking on too much. For now, though - keep going, if you can manage.

[Philomath]

Hi Traci,

I am going to say you may have to much going on here.
If you are worried about this, that means something. No one can expect perfection of you and you not only need time for yourself but you need time to hang out with others as well.
Yes, all college students are extremely stressed every so often but you have to find a balance for you that works and that you can manage. If you are very worried about your academics, you can always cut back: leave a group and put that time into academics. If you are in need of research, cut back another group or two (depending on the comitment needed for research) and work with that.
Yes, it is about doing what you enjoy doing, but it also is about having time for you, a social life and your academics.
Do you want to look back at your college years and notice that you spent your time stuck studying all of the time, stressed and struggling, or do you want to look back and see it as a time you took time for you (if that means adding in counseling than do it), you took time to socialize with people and you took time for your purpose in college?
Not many people would be able to manage with all that you are doing and I say that because I have a friend with slightly less commitments and she is struggling and barely has time for friends which upsets her.
You are a wonderful person Traci and wonderful people need other people and need breaks every once in a while. I know this is not the first time you have felt stressed out and thought you are overdoing things but take some time to really think. Take time to prioritize and keep what you know you cannot do without (which is not everything on your list) and then leave what you know is not absolutely necessary for you.
Also, some of what you are doing now, remember you can do those things at other times in your life as well. You can always help people.
You do not need a 4.0 to get in to an ivy league school and your grades sound really great and you have done so much already your campus involvement and service achievements will definitely not be missed.
I hope this is helpful and I am here for you if you ever need anything.

Traci,

How important is getting the research to your acceptance to graduate school? I know that you really want this Ivy League school and with those grades and all the activities you are doing I think you stand a good chance but if getting the research is a necessity maybe you should consider cutting back somewhere else? I know that doesn't seem like the ideal option but maybe you could evaluate some of the things you are doing and see where you could cut back? But, a lot of the things you are describing, it honestly sounds like you are second guessing yourself because you don't feel good enough for the Ivy League school so I think when you have those thoughts you should push them aside and say "That is bullshit!" (Excuse my language) You are an excellent student and you are doing a lot of great things in your spare time and all you can do is your best when you apply to graduate school. If you do your best it shouldn't matter as much about the acceptance because you've done everything you could have done to get accepted. I know that is easier to say then to actually process and accept but it is true. To your best without over committing and over stressing yourself out because you don't deserve to be under too much pressure.

The GRE, you are self doubting there and you need to try and stop doing that. Don't say things like you aren't going to do well. I know that can be hard but you are obviously pretty damn intelligent to have a 3.8 GPA and I am sure that will be reflected on the GRE. Do you think you could look into getting some of the study books they sell or maybe taking a GRE class? I know they have classes that help people work on passing the GRE (at least they have them where I live). I know they are kind of expensive but if you are concerned about passing the GRE maybe that is something you could research and start setting money aside for?

I think you should try and go back to therapy as well. I know you said you didn't have time but I think that therapy could help you deal with some of the stressors in your life and a counselor might be able to help you work on managing the breakdowns that you talk about having. You deserve to have the support of a counselor and while sometimes it seems like counseling doesn't help it really is a beneficial tool to have access too.

Lastly, you deserve a social life. I know college has a tendency to get in the way of this but it shouldn't make someones social life completely non-existent. You deserve to be able to hang out with friends, your boyfriend (I can't remember if you guys are in a long distance relationship or not although I swear we talked about this once? Sorry if I am completely off) , you deserve to be able to go to movies and do other things like that. With this schedule that doesn't seem possible.

You will get into graduate school. I can't tell you what graduate school you will get into but I can tell you that no matter what you will be happy with where ever you get in because you will be pursuing your dream.

I hope this helped in some way and if you ever want to chat please feel free to message me.