Sometimes I think I might be the most insecure person on planet Earth.

[MisoSoupSymphonia]

My level of insecurity is actually insane. I can't function like a normal human being. I'm so ashamed of my interests so I never share them despite how much I'd love to. I'm so ashamed of my image I never wear things I would love to wear. I never put makeup on to feel pretty. I never put on clothes that are "my thing" because I don't want to be too "radical" with showing it off aesthetic-wise. (I think this is because that would make me look way more confident than I actually am. Think dressing full goth or very vibrant etc., that takes courage in my opinion. If I were to go out like that people would think I'm really confident meanwhile I run away the second a person who hands flyer comes my way.) I rarely go out shopping alone because I'm ashamed of buying things for myself (which is like the most basic thing ever by the way.). If I do go out by myself to eat, usually after school, I feel extremely uncomfortable about it because I have to sit by myself on a stone stairs thing where everyone sits in groups. I don't want to enter shops just to check things out because I feel like I look very awkward that way. I make it a huge deal about having to wait an extra hour or something for my train or ride because I'm so awkward just staying in the same place as other people makes me feel very inferior. I would never try new things unless someone guides me through it first. I stress so much when I get on public transport because I'm so insecure about my ability to think logically and I think I bought the wrong ticket and will get lost. I will never get on public transport I've never tried before unless someone shows me how to. I never attempt to explore the city so despite being there every day for 4 years I only know the quickest route from my school to the train station. And I'll be ashamed of not making it so I practically run there every single time (but I'm not running, just walking super fast while maintaining my composure to look cool because people would stare if I was running. I hold my breath too, not to make too much noise because of course I do. Not long ago I absolutely broke down in a train because I couldn't pay with my phone and someone paid for me and now it's going to haunt me forever). I'm ashamed of getting lost and choosing the wrong path so I have to fake getting a call or something just to turn back. I'm so awkward I don't say goodbye to the only 2 people I talk with at school, I just can't seem to spit it out afraid of who knows what. I'm really scared I wouldn't know how to deal with problems and new things, when I am out shopping I prefer to pay with physical money because I'm afraid my card won't work for some reason and I will stall the people behind me and all sorts of problems will arise. While on the topic of pleasing others, I always change in the toilet room because I'm ashamed of my body and I try to make it as fast as possible so I don't stall others (despite the fact many people go in there just to have talks). I do this with everything. Got my order wrong? Whatever, I won't make it a problem, I'm afraid to speak up anyway. I don't want to make people irritated. I give everything up without trying because I know I will never succeed. I'm afraid of dreaming big because I know someone like me doesn't have the ambition to achieve it. It's all just piling up and piling up into a lifetime full of worry and stress. Hell, I feel like I might as well die prematurely because of how stressed I am all the time. When I'm in public there is absolutely no place for me to just chill out. There's always something I'm worried about in the "insecurity" department.

I'm sorry for the negativity bomb here but I had to get it out. Doing all of this every single day is really taking a toll on me. I'm so exhausted about my constant stupid worries. Why can't I just be like everyone else who doesn't even notice these things? Can I ever live my life stress-free over this stuff?

It's like I'm always carrying a plate of worry and by the end of the day I have 10 spinning plates on sticks I'm holding with one finger. It doesn't take much to make me drop them (AKA break down). But once I'm home I can place them back into the drawer if you know what I mean. I seriously don't know what to do. It's like everyday I feel horribly naseous but just can't ever get it out.

Edit: It's so grown on me it's just become a part of me. I can't imagine myself not worrying about everything and not feeling so little. I wouldn't be able to recognize myself otherwise. For the better or not. Sometimes I also feel like I force this insecurity onto others by doing what I call "acting in a way to deliberately make others feel pity for you". I don't know how I do it but I feel like I do it all the time. And I don't know how to stop.

[Moxie.]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at TeenHelp!

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with so much anxiety. Anxiety definitely has a way of making even the most basic tasks feel overwhelming and can create a pressure that feels insurmountable.

Have you ever thought about seeking professional help for your anxiety? Seeing a therapist can be highly beneficial, as they can help you work through it to find the root causes (if any) of your anxiety. Additionally, a therapist will be able to provide you with coping mechanisms and come up with a plan to help make the anxiety feel more manageable. I know going to a therapist can be scary itself, but doing so will give you a safe, confidential space to talk about what you're experiencing with someone that cares and has the tools to help, particularly with the toll that this is taking on you.

If going to a therapist isn't something you're ready to do or isn't currently accessible for you, perhaps you can try taking small steps to try things that usually make you nervous. For instance, you mentioned feeling shame about buying things for yourself when going shopping alone. Rather than going on a big shopping spree for yourself, perhaps you could try going to a local convenience store alone and buying yourself a small treat, like a favorite snack or drink. Once that starts feeling more comfortable, move on to a store that feels a bit more scary, such as a clothing store and buy yourself something small. As you work through it slowly, you may find that it isn't as scary as you thought. You can take this approach for just about anything you feel nervous about. Starting small can make the task feel a little bit easier and you may surprise yourself with how much you're truly capable of.

You also mentioned being nervous about what other people are thinking or how they perceive you. This is honestly more common than you may realize. To some degree, everyone wonders what other people are thinking when they see them - even the most confident person in the room. I remember struggling with that a lot when I was in high school. One thing that really helped me with that was reflecting on my own thoughts on the people around me. How often did I really notice if someone was a little bit awkward, had a small stain on their shirt, or was walking a little faster than normal? I realized that, truthfully, I really didn't notice those things about others. The same can be said about us. People really aren't paying as much attention as we often think they are and notice a lot less than we think they do. Even if they do notice something, it typically isn't something that they spend a lot of time thinking about. That's a myth that our brains have tricked us into believing. So, if you can, take a little bit of pressure off of yourself there.

I hope this helped! Please feel free to reach out if you have any other questions or concerns.

Take care,
Sam

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Can you start small? For example, it may be difficult to work on EVERY single area of insecurity at one time. Try and find one area that you really want to work on the most and work on that, and then build up to some of the other areas you want to work on. For example, as far as dressing the way you want, you can start with an accessory that you like and eventually build up to a full outfit, one piece of clothing at a time.

I've been told by a lot of people that nobody actually pays attention to what you are doing in public. Everyone is honestly too absorbed with their own stuff and worries. So I bet they won't notice if you're walking quickly, or if you're alone when you eat, or anything like that. In fact it's actually pretty normal to go out to eat!

I'm the same way with public transportation so I feel you on that one. I don't think there's anything wrong with going with other people until you are used to the route yourself and know what to do. The first (and only) time I took a train by myself, I had my friend show me what track to use because I was afraid of getting on the wrong train. But, at least I got there!

I've also had the experience of people paying for me before. One time my card kept declining at Starbucks even though there was money on it, and the lady behind me paid. I bet she's forgotten all about the encounter by now, just like the person who paid for you on the train. They did a kind deed and wouldn't have done it if they didn't genuinely want to help you. I don't think they were mad or upset.

There's also nothing wrong with some of the things you do, like paying with cash in the store. There's no shame in using cash! You're still paying for the item, and that's what counts. And with holding people up in stalls or lines, it can be a mild inconvenience for people but they'll get over it and move on with their lives. You're not going to ruin their day by changing in a stall (I'd change in one too). If that ruins their day, they probably have bigger things going on that have nothing to do with you.

Practicing not worrying does take time. Perhaps you can write a list of reassuring comments in your phone such as "nobody will notice if I do -x-" or "they're just strangers and I'll never see them again" and others. That way you have a reminder when you're worrying that you're not a burden to anyone.

[Trainer]

Originally Posted by MisoSoupSymphonia

My level of insecurity is actually insane. I can't function like a normal human being. I'm so ashamed of my interests so I never share them despite how much I'd love to. I'm so ashamed of my image I never wear things I would love to wear. I never put makeup on to feel pretty. I never put on clothes that are "my thing" because I don't want to be too "radical" with showing it off aesthetic-wise. (I think this is because that would make me look way more confident than I actually am. Think dressing full goth or very vibrant etc., that takes courage in my opinion. If I were to go out like that people would think I'm really confident meanwhile I run away the second a person who hands flyer comes my way.) I rarely go out shopping alone because I'm ashamed of buying things for myself (which is like the most basic thing ever by the way.). If I do go out by myself to eat, usually after school, I feel extremely uncomfortable about it because I have to sit by myself on a stone stairs thing where everyone sits in groups. I don't want to enter shops just to check things out because I feel like I look very awkward that way. I make it a huge deal about having to wait an extra hour or something for my train or ride because I'm so awkward just staying in the same place as other people makes me feel very inferior. I would never try new things unless someone guides me through it first. I stress so much when I get on public transport because I'm so insecure about my ability to think logically and I think I bought the wrong ticket and will get lost. I will never get on public transport I've never tried before unless someone shows me how to. I never attempt to explore the city so despite being there every day for 4 years I only know the quickest route from my school to the train station. And I'll be ashamed of not making it so I practically run there every single time (but I'm not running, just walking super fast while maintaining my composure to look cool because people would stare if I was running, and I hold my breath too, not to make too much noise because of course I do. Not long ago I absolutely broke down in a train because I couldn't pay with my phone and someone paid for me and now it's going to haunt me forever). I'm ashamed of getting lost and choosing the wrong path so I have to fake getting a call or something just to turn back. I'm so awkward I don't say goodbye to the only 2 people I talk with at school, I just can't seem to spit it out afraid of who knows what. I'm really scared I wouldn't know how to deal with problems and new things, when I am out shopping I prefer to pay with physical money because I'm afraid my card won't work for some reason and I will stall the people behind me and all sorts of problems will arise. While on the topic of pleasing others, I always change in the toilet room because I'm ashamed of my body and I try to make it as fast as possible so I don't stall others (despite the fact many people go in there just to have talks). I do this with everything. Got my order wrong? Whatever, I won't make it a problem, I'm afraid to speak up anyway. I don't want to make people irritated. I give everything up without trying because I know I will never succeed. I'm afraid of dreaming big because I know someone like me doesn't have the ambition to achieve it. It's all just piling up and piling up into a lifetime full of worry and stress. Hell, I feel like I might as well die prematurely because of how stressed I am all the time. When I'm in public there is absolutely no place for me to just chill out. There's always something I'm worried about in the "insecurity" department.

I'm sorry for the negativity bomb here but I had to get it out. Doing all of this every single day is really taking a toll on me. I'm so exhausted about my constant stupid worries. Why can't I just be like everyone else who doesn't even notice these things? Can I ever live my life stress-free over this stuff?

It's like I'm always carrying a plate of worry and by the end of the day I have 10 spinning plates on sticks I'm holding with one finger. It doesn't take much to make me drop them (AKA break down). But once I'm home after enjoying delta 8 workout benefits, I can place them back into the drawer if you know what I mean. I seriously don't know what to do. It's like everyday I feel horribly naseous but just can't ever get it out.

Edit: It's so grown on me it's just become a part of me. I can't imagine myself not worrying about everything and not feeling so little. I wouldn't be able to recognize myself otherwise. For the better or not. Sometimes I also feel like I force this insecurity onto others by doing what I call "acting in a way to deliberately make others feel pity for you". I don't know how I do it but I feel like I do it all the time. And I don't know how to stop.

I understand your situation, have you considered Generalized anxiety disorder in the consult of a specialized doctor?

[Dawn.]

Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. It can definitely be hard as I also suffer from anxiety.
I also would suggest seeing someone in regards to helping you overcome this. I have seen a mental health professional and they have helped me a lot in the past.
It can take time to feel comfortable within yourself but you shouldn't feel ashamed of your interest or just being you. I know that's easier said then done but there will be no-one like you in this world as we are all unique in our own way.
I hope this helped and if you ever need anything, my inbox is always open.

[This_is_the_greatest_plan]

Hi Miso, welcome to Teenhelp!
It sounds like you find being around other people really stressful and that being on your own is a bit easier. Or if its not exactly easy, at least you get some respite before you have to be around people again? If its any help, I know what it feels like to feel self-conscious around other people so youre not the only one. I dont pity you, which is something you mentioned in your post. I empathise with you instead. Your feelings are valid and I promise you, youre not the only person who feels this.

[Colonel Knight Rider]

Howdy, stranger! I wanted to let you know that I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s easy to feel like no one cares or sympathizes in today’s world, as if no one wants to hear what you have to say. It’s even easier to get discouraged when so many of society’s expectations are pressuring you to act in ways you might not feel comfortable doing right now. But remember: as long as there are other people in the word who are as pressured as you are, you will find them if you just keep looking, and you will feel comfortable sharing your truth with them. It’s scary to try to find new friends these days, especially with the anonymity of the Internet in play, but the worst thing that could happen when trying to make new friends is their saying no. If they do, then they’re just people you don’t need in your life.

I hope you find peace.