Anxiety and medication

I am on two medications for anxiety: Zyprexa and Vistaril. I am on the maximum dose of Zyprexa. I take it in the morning and at bedtime. Vistaril tends to make me sleepy so I take it at bedtime.

You'd think with two anxiety medications I wouldn't be anxious, but my anxiety lately has been TERRIBLE. I can't get anything done. The house is a wreck. I'm barely making to it appointments. I'm sleeping most of the day away. I'm not accessing the resources available to me, like my psychiatrist, therapist, and caseworker.

I am guessing I need a medication change but this is a new psychiatric service (I was with my old psychiatrist for ten years but she moved out of state in March) and I am afraid to have anyone mess with my meds. I am afraid they'll mess it up. I'm also too afraid to even call the office and make an appointment. My caseworker and therapist have offered to do it with me but I just don't want to or can't or something.

I also feel like (and I know this doesn't really make sense) like I am "faking" my anxiety? Like with two medications shouldn't I be not anxious? Or is my anxiety just too strong? I don't know. But it feels like somehow I'm messing up and I have to be making it worse than it is. i don't know how, but that's how it feels.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I would love to hear them.

[Celyn]

I don't think you can 'fake' your anxiety. If you feel anxious, then you feel anxious. But if you are concerned, then it's definitely worth talking about. I don't know much about medication or how they work...is there any possibility that you might have developed some tolerance to the medications?

I'm also wondering why you are sleeping the day away...are you not sleeping at night or just find yourself sleeping during the day?

Regarding contacting the new office...is it possible to email, if you find calling difficult right now? If not, it would be worth trying to do this with your caseworker or therapist. I also understand that you wouldn't want anyone to mess with your meds. But the psychiatrists and other professionals are there to help so you might want to make it clear to them what you do and don't want adjusting. If you notice anything different, then you'll want to get in contact with them to correct any mistakes. Professional and patient need to work together...they might know what they are doing, but you know you and how medication affects you better.

There's a lot of things going on in the world right now, and this may worsen symptoms of mental health. If you don't have much of one right now, then developing a routine might help a bit. Even if it's just one task a day. My worst moments of anxiety have been when I have been overwhelmed with things to do, and can't seem to do much of anything. Doing one thing a day can help and you may find that this lowers your anxiety a bit as well.

Take care

Thanks for your reply, Holly!

I sleep from six a.m. to two or three p.m. I stay up pretty much all night because I don't feel safe in my home at night. There's no real reason to believe I am not safe but the fear is extremely powerful. Since we moved in I was afraid someone would break into the apartment and kill my roommate and I, but lately I've developed paranoia and I also think my roommate is going to try and kill me at night. It's bad. I sleep with a weapon by my bed just in case anyone tries anything.

I don't think I can email the office. It's county healthcare so you basically get an appointment each month. I know I should call, and my therapist and caseworker have offered to call with me, but I am just so scared. It's part of a larger problem with my anxiety, though; I just feel too stuck to do anything.

I kind of have a routine. I go to sleep and get up around the same time each day, which is honestly far better than it was before the pandemic. At five p.m. I go and see my roommate and we hang out for the rest of the evening, sometimes together, sometimes she plays video games while I read or play on my phone, etc. So life isn't totally unstructured. Thank you for the suggestion though; it's very helpful.

[Celyn]

Oh that must be awful being paranoid about being broken into and being killed. I definitely understand why you wouldn't be able to sleep like that. I also understand why you'd want to keep a weapon with you as well. Paranoia must feel pretty real and intense for you to feel you need something for safety. Are there other things you could try to do to manage the paranoia? Maybe try keep reminding yourself that no-one is going to hurt you and it's just the paranoia. I know it must feel pretty intense and maybe the suggestion might not help much but it is good to keep in mind that no matter how intense thoughts and feelings might be, they aren't necessarily a reflection of reality.

Anxiety can feel pretty paralysing at times too. Would it help at all if you called your therapist or casework and arrange a future date for them to help you call the office? They can then know when to check in with you, and if you don't feel up to it at that point, then maybe arrange a different date.

Glad to hear you have a bit of a routine and that you spend some time with your roommate