Triggering (Suicide): Dealing with Anxiety

[stuckinside]

New to online support groups, so forgive me if this seems a little stiff. I've been dealing with my anxiety on my own lately. I used to be in therapy, and taking medication, but I had lost my insurance and had to stop all of that. (I do have insurance again, but I'm waiting for new insurance cards and stuff.) I plan on going back to therapy and back on medications, but I'm really struggling here, which is why I decided to reach out (on here).

As of late, I've been dealing with major depression (even some suicidal thoughts, though I have NO intention on acting on those thoughts), major anxiety and some serious paranoia. I know that anxiety can cause some paranoid thoughts, and vice versa, so I'm trying to remain as rational as possible, but it's gotten hard.

When I'm home alone I find myself sitting in my closet most of the day because there aren't any windows in there. (It's a large closet, so I'm not cramped or anything.) It's gotten so bad I can hardly leave the house because I'm so paranoid of other people and places.

I guess, I joined this site as a way to talk about what's going on with others who may have been through the same things. I do have a support system at home, but they don't really understand on a personal level what I'm going through and dealing with. It's hard to be very frank with them about what's going on in my head and the things I think about.

Not really sure where to go from here. Just trying to hold on until I can get help.

[Rivière]

I think it's great that you've come here to talk about what's going on! I also think it's wonderful that you've pushed to get help for yourself, and are willing to continue with it.

I know how hard it can be sometimes when you feel anxious and things start to play on your mind, and the snowball just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Sometimes it can be really immobilising.

In what way do you mean you're paranoid or other people and places? Do you feel unsafe? Or is it something else?

If you ever need, you're always welcome to message me, or any other member of the site, we're here to help each other!

[stuckinside]

I just feel unsafe. I'm always afraid someone has bad intentions, and I'm afraid to be around people out of fear of getting physically or mentally hurt. I'm also afraid to go places because I'm afraid of an attack. (With all the news the past couple of years of people attacking people in the general public for no reason, it scares me.)

I hope that makes sense.

[Rivière]

It makes good sense.

Being outside with other people can be difficult. We don't know the people that are around us, we don't know what their intentions are, or how they operate. We know nothing about them. However, the less time you spend outside, the less you're going to know them. Sure, you're not likely going to spend your time getting to know every single individual that lives in your area. That's far too unrealistic. But getting to know at least a few people, like cashiers, baristas or any kind of worker is a good start, because you'll know someone in that area and that can help make you feel a little safer.

No matter what negativity your mind tells you, fight it. Refuse to allow your fears of the outside world put you off from discovering how beautiful it can be. The news only ever seems to portray the worst in human nature, and rarely demonstrates an opportunity for how good it can be. It rarely shows how there are people out there working in charities helping the homeless, or volunteers working in food banks to provide food for those living in poverty. Sure the news will gloss over it with a bit of some small article, but then it's back to negativity.

A person will only live in fear if they allow that fear to overtake them. You have the strength to stand up to fear. For the time being, set small goals for yourself, such as leaving the closet door open to begin with. When you feel you've mastered your fear that much, step out of the closet. Once you've passed that stage, try walking around the room... and so on.

You can do this!

[Odyne]

Hi sweety.
I’m sorry you're feeling so bad.
I’ve got anxiety and depression too.
I wish I could tell you how to deal with it, cause it’s hard, but possible.
If you need anything or someone to talk to, my PM is open.

Hugs from Lucy

[ampva301]

It is not worth it keep on fighting.