Paralyzed by anxiety

[butterflykisses300]

Something is so wrong. I don't know how I feel. I'm just going through the motions of life and I don't feel anything. Maybe it is pain. Maybe I'm happy, but I don't know it yet. I don't know. I feel completely numb to the world. I'm exhausted.

I constantly worry about peoples' intentions and I generally don't enjoy talking to people anymore, unless the person makes me feel comfortable. People seem drawn to me, so they decide to make conversation, and all I can think about is how to get away from that social situation. Why would someone want to talk to me?

I live in this fantasy world that my mind creates and it tends to re-write stories of people's lives just to explain the unexplainable. For example, if someone looks at me weird and is on their phone, I imagine that she happens to be part of the "team" that met me online and is there just to purposely make things happen to my life and works with my parents behind my back. It's so overwhelming. i don't trust anyone. My fantasy world is creating so many problems.

Hey there, I am sorry you haven't gotten any replies yet. Have you spoken to someone about the issues you're having with feeling numb and letting your fantasies overtake your life? It could be something simple such as having a lack of social life or it could be something more profound. We can't tell you what it is, we are not medical professionals.

If it is really bothering you this much, then I suggest reaching out to a trusted adult, someone that you know won't be critical of what you've just expressed here. Nothing hurts more than to open up to someone you thought you could trust and have them throw it back in your face or something like that. The other thing you could do is talk to your primary care doctor, ask them to refer you to a therapist. There's nothing wrong with having one! Maybe they can help you work through this issue and, if neccessary, prescribe the correct course of treatment.

The other thing I mentioned was that this could be due to a lack of social life. Do you have any friends that you could hang out with? Are you part of any clubs or organization? Perhaps see if there's any opportunities to volunteer in your community. The more activity you have in your life, the better you will feel.

Hopefully someone else is able to come along and provide their own insights.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Celyn]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear that you feel a mixture of numbness and anxiety. That sounds really difficult to deal with. I'm wondering if anything has happened, either recently or things building up that might've caused how you are feeling?

When we are struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues, it can take it's toll on us and we may find ourselves not feeling much at all and really just living on auto-pilot. Sometimes our brain does this to prevent further exhaustion which it sounds like you may are be struggling with.

Your anxiety seems to revolve around the social side of life. But I'm wondering why are you worried about other people's intentions when they talk to you? Do you still enjoy talking to friends or is it just all people that you are struggling with? You also ask why would someone want to talk to you, and I think that may be more related to how you feel about yourself. Do you feel that you aren't worthy of people's time and attention perhaps? You may not feel like you are a worthy person at the moment, and that maybe partly why you are anxious when others talk to and question their intentions. But you are worthy and do deserve good friends and social experiences.

It sounds like your fantasies are negatively interrupting your life. How about swapping fantasies for more realistic assessments? For example, you mention how you make up scenarios where if someone gives you a weird look, they may be working with your parents to be against you in some way. How about trying to challenge that and realising that it's not the truth and that if the person seems to have an odd expression on their face, it may be nothing to do with you.

It seems like you are really struggling at the moment with anxiety and negative fantasies. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this- maybe a parent, teacher, school counsellor or trusted friend? It sounds like you could do with someone to listen and help you get appropriate mental health care. You don't have to go through this alone

[butterflykisses300]

Thank you both for your replies. A friend from home encouraged me to seek help at my college campus. Yes, I have some friends here which is great. As difficult as it was, I talked to one of my friends here about the anxiety. She walked me over to the student services building to get an appointment with a counselor. She did all the talking and I will uncomfortable. But I already had my first appointment. It was very nerve racking at the beginning but I slowly got a bit more relaxed.

I am involved in certain things, and I am working on starting a songwriting club, so that just says that the anxiety isn't present every single day, and I'm still able to be social despite how anxious i may feel. There's a lot of people who want to get to know me and have a reason to talk to me. There's people I've met that make an effort to communicate with me. But my response to that doesn't sound like I'm anxious. However, my body just separates from my mind, and I notice myself going through the motions of talking to them, even though I'm hoping they would leave me alone.

Then half the time I feel like I'm lying when I talk about the anxiety because it is not that evident on the outside. I seem like a confident person and I do enjoy things like public speaking and performing music. It's just in the moments that I don't trust people and when I get anxiety so bad all of a sudden for no apparent reason.

I do have a solid level of confidence in myself, which is great. But I'm not used to people talking to me or having a reason to want to know me. That feels like suspicious activity and it's just nothing that anyone has ever done before. It's hard to believe that someone thinks I'm a cool person to know.

[Celyn]

It's good to hear that you talked to your friend about the anxiety and how she helped you get an appointment with a counsellor. Going for counselling is understandably nerve wracking, especially at the first session. But it's good that you are slowly finding yourself more able to relax and I hope the counselling goes well for you.

It sounds like you do well at hiding your anxiety and this is able to get you through social situations, even though you may secretly wish that people left you alone. Sometimes it can help to stick it out with situations that make us anxious as we may realise that nothing bad is going to happen, and with time and practice, our anxiety levels may decrease. With regards to feeling like your body separates from your mind when you talk, is there anything that you could do to help you feel more present? Maybe concentrate on what you can feel, or what you can touch, or if possible, maybe have something to eat/drink so that you can focus on these sensations. This might help you feel more connected to your body.

Anxiety isn't always obvious from the outside and anxiety can affect anyone- even the seemingly most confident person in the room. Just because people don't notice or you seem to be coping fine, it doesn't mean that you aren't experiencing or are lying about anxiety. It also makes sense that you may seem or even be confident when doing public speaking or performing, but not when it comes to talking to individuals as this more intimate which can seem more anxiety producing.

It sounds like you aren't used to having many people talking to you or having a reason to want to get to know you, more so know when you are involved with things and starting a songwriting club. It makes sense that if you aren't used to this level of attention, you would feel suspicious, more so if find it hard to believe that someone thinks you are a cool person to get to know. But what you are doing, setting up a club, is great and it makes sense people will want to talk to you and get to know you more. You are a lovely person, I'm sure, and it sounds like many others feel this way about you too, even if you aren't used to it. While all this attention can be overwhelming at times, it might help to set some boundaries in place- for example, if you are setting up a songwriting club, then you can decided whether those that show interest in the club get to know you as the founder of the club (keeping contact only to club related matters) or whether they get to know you more and have the potential for friendships. You don't owe anyone anything so if you don't feel all that comfortable with people or find it hard to trust, it's okay to take a step back and put boundaries in place, if it helps you to feel safe. Though it can help to strike a balance so that you can start trusting people and feeling more comfortable around people too. There may be people out there who might want to take advantage of you, but there are also people out there who genuinely do find you interesting and want to get to know you better. It's just a bit difficult finding that balance, but maybe this is worth something exploring in counselling too.