Anxiety about being recorded

[poitler]

The other night when I was hooking up with some guy, he asked if he could record me during. I was scared so I said yes even though I didn't want to. After, I worked up the nerve to ask him to delete the videos and he was really cool about it and I watched him delete the videos. However I have really bad anxiety and of course it's telling me that he didn't delete them and will post them somewhere. So I guess what I'm looking for is a rational voice of reassurance. He doesn't know my name, number, address or any identifying information about me, and I was there when he deleted the videos. My anxiety is just taking over. Please help

[del677]

Congratulations for having the courage to ask him to delete the video.

I'm glad he was cool about it.

Most guys are just happy to get laid.

Plus he was kind enough to ask in advance if it would be OK, so he probably really did delete it.

Remember no guy is ever going to turn down a chance for sex just because he can't also {whatever else he also wants to do}. From his point of view, it's, "Wow! I get to have sex!"

And from that moment on, you, the woman, are in control! He will do anything you ask! You don't like {something}, you just mention it, and he will go to the ends of the earth to set that right, because from his point of view, it's, "Wow! She said yes! I get to have sex! All I have to do is fix {something} and it's on!"

Congratulations. You're wonderful!


To be a little calmer next time, the trick is to train your brain to relax a little. We do this by doing one minute exercises whenever we get a chance. For one minute, take a one minute break and return your focus to the present moment and just observe. When a thought enters your mind, let it go, and return your focus to the present moment. Practice this one minute exercise whenever you get a chance. It'll help shift your brain to a less anxious and less scared state, so next time you're in that situation, you'll be more confident, more present, less anxious, you'll be able to enjoy yourself more, focus on the present moment more, let go more, relax and enjoy more, and it's good for your brain. (I keep a notepad, or cell phone so if I think of something I want to write down, i can write it down, then let go of the thought and return to just observing the present moment. You can also do a body scan, from head to toe, how does your body feel? How do you feel? What do you hear? What do you feel? It helps tune up your brain. [In technical terms, it activates the body's Parasympathetic Nervous System, which leads to better sex and less video taping.)

[poitler]

Thanks so much. Is it good that he doesn't have any info on me?

[del677]

Well he won't be contacting you if that's what your fear is.

He's probably already moved on to the next woman.

A little positive human contact with a friend, or friends, or a group, doing anything together, that'll help reassure the emotional part of the brain that everything is OK and it can relax.

Or a little exercise, a little sunlight, smile at a few passing strangers.

Or get involved in some project or activity you enjoy doing.

Basically it's the emotional part of the brain we want to trick into believing everything is OK. The rational thinking part of the brain already knows everything is OK. The emotional part of the brain has it's own rules though, and doesn't use logic. So we trick it with slow breathing (which makes it think we are calm), being with friends, or surrounding ourselves with a group of friendly people who accept us. (makes the emotional brain think we're with our tribe, so everything must be OK). Then we feel OK. And then we're OK again.