unemoloyed, anxiety, undiagnosed learning difficulty

[NeuroBeautiful]

My father left the country for 3 months. He had been the main financial provider in my childhood up untweil now. (Although I lived with my graparents for some time but I'm trying to stay relevant)

I am living with 2 sisters at the moment. My third sister is doing study abroad. My father left money for food but not enough to last. We have about $20 dollars left. He said he would send us more but didn't yet. We also got approved for food stamps and it hasn't come yet.

My older sister is the oldest, she works as a tutor self employed. She does not do well with conventional job settings. She also dtopped out of college and hasnt gone back and suffers with mental health problems but has improved alot. She also is often accuaed of not being engaged and "being too much in lala land" I am too but not always

Ten there's me and I handle all the responsibilities and housework. Even when my dad was here it would be me and him. I was like the little mom but it is stressful. And I'm suspecting maybe I have a learning difficulty like dyspraxia but never got assessed. I have several reasons to think so. But it could also be that it is a mix of that I have bad performance anxiety, I am left handed and right brain dominant so I have a different skill set than most people and am a highly anxious person in general. I've been anxious since I was a kid. And I've struggled with all the things people with dyspraxia struggle with but I don't know if maybe all my opportunities to learn were in stressful environments. Because my ability seems inconsistent and changes based on the environment I'm in although I still have a general struggle no matter what. Like even today volunteering, I had fun even though I was clumsy. I think part of that had to do with the fact that it was an event for kids with special needs so no one was mean or scolded me when I messed up. It was nice to receive acceptance for the way I am.

But that's not always the case and I've had some stressful paid work as well as volunteer experiences that makes me truly frightened to return to work. I also don't know if I have a disorder or if there's just something wrong with me o if having been picked on so much thst now i have insecutities for things im not that terrible in. But thrn why would people treat me like im a failure? And also I observe myself and I'm very ambiguous because my difficulty doesn't always manifest clearly but it is still there.

anyway...my father also owes me money so now my savings is gone and the money I earned and i need a job but im scared of more bad experiences. I keep replaying it.

[Celyn]

The important thing to remember with learning difficulties and mental health issues is that it's never too late to get assessed. Future employers may pick up on any struggles that you have, and if they don't, you can always talk to them about looking to get assessed. Though getting diagnosed can help you to manage the things that you struggle with, remember that a diagnosis doesn't define you.

Anxiety can make things difficult, especially when it comes to learning. You can't concentrate on learning when your anxious and on edge. If you had issues with learning, it can be very hard to distinguish if this comes from a learning difficulty or from anxiety, or even both.

Though you've had some stressful work experiences that make you frightened to return to work, it's important to remember that not all experiences will be that way. And when things get difficult you can learn to adapt to things. Being picked on can lead you to feel insecure, and I feel similar to you about going into a workplace. But like most things anxiety based, it's best to not avoid things and instead, to keep trying. There may be bad experiences in the future, but there may also be good ones too. The bad experiences happened in the past, and though you can't change that, you are still in control of your future.

I really hope that you and your family are able to sort the financial situation out soon! Must be hard having that to worry about. Keep hanging in there!