Anxiety is getting the best of me

[11easkry]

Hi all,

So basically, over the last few months, after going to a summer camp, my confidence and my anxiety had seemed to greatly improve. Gone was the shy kid who would be nervous to stand up for what she believed in and speak her thoughts. Or so I thought. Recently, since around last week, I'm not sure why, but my anxiety regarding friendships and social situations has flared back up. I was supposed to go to a concert with a friend from band on Friday, but my nerves were getting to best of me and I had to bail on him last minute. I felt absolutely awful about it, but I couldn't physically or mentally do it.

And then today, I have a friend who is in a brass band, and I was supposed to help them out today. I got to the meeting place where we were all supposed to meet but nobody was there, so I waited for 10 minutes, and nobody was there, so I texted her and she said everyone was waiting somewhere else, and that I should meet them there and that thy were going to start playing in 5 minutes. I was getting super stressed out because I didn't want to delay everybody, stress everyone out, and basically be a burden on everyone, and so I broke down and my mum picked me up. Words cannot describe how awful I feel. My anxiety is causing me to be selfish, and I have always tried to avoid being selfish. The people who I have let down aren't going to forgive me and I don't know how to face any of them, I feel like crap and I just want to sleep for the rest of my life. I really need to stop it because it will only get worse if this keeps happening. I have no one to talk to because a lot of the people who I thought were my friends turned out to just tolerate me an don't actually care for me, and the people who I have have other people, and I'm very alone right now. I just need help and advice.

[Celyn]

It sounds like summer camp really helped you to feel more confident about yourself, and less anxious. I'm wondering if there was something in particular that might've helped with this? Perhaps you could try to do similar things in your life now to help you feel less anxious?

Try not to feel awful that you didn't go with your friend to a concert. Anxiety feels horrible and it's natural that this would've changed your mind. However, I do want to say that the next time there is a social event and you don't feel like going, try to still go. This isn't for other people, but for you. Anxiety can cause physical symptoms, as well as make you think about worrying thoughts. This in turn can affect your behaviour e.g. avoiding situations and this can become a cycle of getting anxious, and avoiding things. Breaking out of the cycle by going along with things will help you to realise that there isn't much to be anxious about, and will help to lower your anxiety in future.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with the brass band. I think it's understandable that if you were supposed to help out, but ended up being late due to unforeseen circumstances, you'd feel stressed. However, you wouldn't be a burden to anyone at all. Last minute changes or getting the meeting place wrong happens to many people, so you aren't to blame for that.

Anxiety isn't causing you to be selfish. You don't sound like a selfish person at all, in fact, you sound like a very caring person. You haven't let anyone down. I'm wondering if it's possible to talk to your friends and let them know that you struggle sometimes with anxiety? They may realise that social things can cause you to become anxious, and not take it personally. Although they should still invite you to things and you could try to challenge yourself whenever you feel anxious by going to the event rather than avoiding it.

How do you know your friends don't care about you? Perhaps they may not understand about how anxiety affects you? It would be good if you could open up to someone, perhaps start with someone you know well and trust, like a family member, teacher or school counsellor? You never have to go through things alone because at the very least TeenHelp is here for you!