Triggering (SH): Please help me, my anxiety is ruining my relationship :'(

[Puella Magi]

I'm sixteen I have depression, I have attempted suicide, I self-harm, I have uncontrollable anxiety and I'm on meds. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now but he can't handle me anymore. I have extremely low self esteem and I HATE my body because it's just bones, I'm flat, pale and covered in scars. I'm scared I'm so scared of him interacting with other girls because I think he's going to cheat on me and compare me to them. He is the most kindest loyal boyfriend every and I know he would never do something like that to hurt me but I just can't control myself if he even mentions a girls name I get angry and ask who she is over and over again until he tells me. I burnt a birthday card his friend gave to him, she's soooo beautiful and perfect. I feel like crap, I'm nothing compared to her. I check his phone constantly and I FLIP OUT if I see he's been chatting to a girl even if it's something like hi how are you or something simple I find them and message them on facebook calling them hoes/sluts/whores/slags and telling them to fuck off away from my boyfriend and he gets so so angry at me to the point where he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I can't help it though Whenever I find he has been texting a girl (just casually as friends) my throat hurts, sweat runs down my arms, I shake and cry and sometimes I go home and self-harm. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared I'm going to lose him either way.......Please please help.

[Lionheart]

Hello Skye Welcome to TH

I'm not an expert, but from what you say I get the feeling that it might be best to talk to your doctor about this. I mean, you said you are on meds, so maybe they can also help you with this (to refering to meds, but maybe talking to a professional or something can be helpful)
Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Like, told him why you do this and that you know it's wrong but that you can't help yourself? It's not gonna change what is happening or happened already, but it might help him understand you a bit better. Communication is key, in any relationship and especially if one or the other is insecure, has anxiety, etc.
I'm not sure but maybe you can finde something to make things easier on the both of you. If you work together and are both ready for some compromisses I'm sure you can work something out!

Feel free to keep us updated or ask any questions you want

Another thing I want to do is refer you to the Alternetives for SH-Threat. There's a lot of different things you can do to deal with your feelings in other ways than harming yourself.
Not all of them work for everyone and it can take some time to finde something for you, but it's worth taking a look there

[Celyn]

Hey there,

It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot- the depression, anxiety and self-harm. Naturally you may find it difficult to feel good about yourself, and this can be made worse when you are in a relationship and trying to deal with all these things.

You mentioned that you are on medication....do you think it's working for you? If not, is it possible to talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about your medication and perhaps see if they can increase the dosage, or change medications? I'm also wondering if you are in therapy at all, e.g. counselling. Depression and anxiety can be treated with medication, therapy, lifestyle changes or a mixture of these things. If you aren't already in counselling it may be worth looking into as it can help talking about things, and learning ways of coping and dealing with difficult thoughts and emotions.

I have been a similar position to you. When I was 16 and in a relationship, I was overcome by anxiety about my boyfriend preferring other girls over me. It's horrible, I know. What can help is trying to boost your self-esteem....you may not like your body right now, but what about other things about yourself? Your personality, talents and achievements etc. Whatever you do like about yourself, write it down, perhaps on a sticky note and read it every day, especially when you don't feel so good about yourself.

Another thing that can help is challenging your thoughts. Has your boyfriend ever cheated on you? Try to collect evidence that your boyfriend wont cheat on you, when you feel those thoughts coming on. Also, remember that those are just thoughts...it doesn't mean that they are true, as you can't mind read what your boyfriend is thinking.

Try not to compare yourself to other girls either. Your boyfriend has the right to talk to other girls and be friends with them. You can't, and shouldn't, try to stop that. Remember that these girls are just friends or people he talks to...you are his girlfriend and he chose you over them. Also, stop checking his phone, especially if he doesn't know that you do this. Not only is it an invasion of his privacy, but the only purpose checking his phone serves is that you feel worse off. By not checking his phone, you wont have to feel that way. The same goes for finding and messaging the girls on facebook.

I do understand the feelings, the anxiety causing the shaking, crying and sweating. It's horrible. But these are just feelings and you don't have to act on them. Perhaps you can work on communication with your boyfriend...let him know when you are feeling insecure so that he can try to reassure you a bit? It's also good to learn to comfort yourself too, so whenever you feel this way, try to remove yourself from the situation and do things that help to distract you, calm you down, or help you to feel good about yourself. You also need to reassure yourself that whatever happens, you'll get through it. Even though you are in a relationship, which is two people coming together, don't forget that you are your own person too...spend time doing things you enjoy and being with your own friends. It does take practice but it can help. I also recommend counselling as it can be very effective of these types of issues.

Hope things improve for you

[The-Knight]

Hello,
First off; Well done you for coming here and recognising that things are a bit tough for you at the moment - always the biggest step!

Secondly, Like previous posters state, things are a bit rough at the moment - Do you and your boyfriend openly discuss how/why you feel this way? - Becoming more open with each other is something to try and ease the anxiety.

You also sound very self conscious, is this something you've felt for a long time or is this something quite recent?

Regards.