Severe Anxiety?

[~anongirl~]

I am not sure yet but I am quite certain I have an extreme case of social anxiety.

I have very, very few friends at school because of how little I am able to speak in public. A number of people talk about it behind my back, saying I'm super quiet and never say anything, and I've overheard someone complaining about being in a group project with me because of how I never say anything.
Even when I am with a big group of friends, I am unable to talk because I get nervous. (this happens when its a big group, with 2 or 3 people its fine)
I have extreme panic attacks before doing something in front of a crowd (like in front of a class), and end up making a total fool out of myself; shaking, stuttering, sweating, etc...
I cannot raise my hand in class because I am very, very self-conscious about looking stupid, what will people think about me, everyone's staring at me, etc...I've gotten huge panic attacks before speaking in front of people.

This has become a huge struggle. I cry almost everyday, people hate me and mock me because of my issue. I want to make friends so bad. Everytime I do it I mess up and people get weirded out by me.
The situation got so bad, I resorted to addictive things like binging and now I am overweight because of it. I cannot concentrate at school because the phobia just takes over sometimes, and my grades are dropping.

I cannot speak about this to my parents, they get very angry with me and the biggest reason I get in trouble is because of this. They always get frustrated with me and say I'm very awkward in social situations, that I act like a weirdo in public, and whenever I get nervous before an event they tell me I'm ridiculous and should just toughen up. I can't. Everyday I go to school I feel extremely uncomfortable in the building with the students, as if everyone's watching me and judging me. My life is a living hell, I want it all to be over and done.

I feel like I have severe social anxiety. As a result of this I am extremely awkward when I make an effort to speak to a group of people, and it comes out very quiet and a bit weird when I am trying to make a conversation.




EDIT: Also I forgot to add that today I had a huge breakdown in the girls bathroom because I was really panicking over an improv skit we had to do in 2 days. They just announced it in class today and I just panicked so much. Even though no one really saw me cry -- except 1 of my friends, who tried to comfort me but really couldn't -- I felt ashamed of sobbing over something so small and unimportant. I can't handle this anymore.

[Jess_5sos]

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I hope this isn't taken in an offensive way but it sucks that your parents aren't really supporting you as much as they probably should. (At least that's the way it sounds to me.) People really shouldn't bully you because you have trouble talking to others. They should know not to judge people based on how they act at certain times in the day. If they really knew who you were and what was going on, I'm sure they wouldn't be acting like this. You will eventually make friends, trust me. Just wait for the right time to come. I know sometimes it might feel like that time will never come, but it will. If you ever wanna talk about anything, my PM box is always open. Stay strong! <3
-Jessica

[Always *]

I agree with Jessica. I'm sure your parents are lovely people. But because of my own problems with anxiety and depression, I've had to learn pretty quick that parents are imperfect. Sometimes even the best parents do things that aren't always awesome for us. It's possible your parents have some weird hang ups about mental illness or maybe they've got an image of a perfect family and think acknowledging mental illness would be worse than leaving you on your own to cope with debilitating symptoms and social rejection. Nothing about it is reasonable and obviously it is not helpful for you. My point is, they're going to think and and believe and behave and act the way that they want. You can't make them change that. Are there any other adults, a guidance counsellor for example, who you can talk to? They might be able to help with getting a formal diagnosis, finding you a counsellor, and talking to your parents since they might be willing to bend and try to understand if another adult is like "this isn't ok, your kid needs help, smarten up and stop with the shitty parenting".

Your issues are affecting your day to day life, so I definitely think you need to find an adult who can advocate on your behalf.

I know what you're going through though ok. I have generalized anxiety, where as what you describe sounds more like social anxiety (as I am not a doctor, I can't diagnose!) so the expression of my anxiety is different, but I know what it feels like to have it affect your life and for your parents not to take you seriously. It can get better. I hope youre able to reach out to someone and get there.

[ihavetodoalotofwaiting]

Rain, I have a bit of the same thing, don't care what people think of you. You are you. I've learned the tough way, I distract myself by being on the internet and making friends and it's helped me open up. I'm sorry if this doesn't help much. I just wanted to say, I kinda have something similar, and I always look forward to school days to talk to the very little friends that I have and admire them. I believe what the people say above me as well, so good luck, and stay you. :3

Sorry again if it doesn't help. But I believe you can change and break out of this.

[~anongirl~]

thanks everyone.

I've been doing some "research" on social anxiety, and the symptoms prove that it's pretty much exactly what I think I have.

The anxiety is literally crippling. I feel it getting worse and worse everyday, the smallest thing that involves a social activity that triggers me sends me into fits. I had a huge panic episode (wrote about it at the end of my post), to the point where I was sobbing so hard, all over saying one line in a play in front of the class. It was ridiculous. I keep telling myself I know I can do better, but as soon as I go out there in public, it goes downhill and I just freeze up.

My anxiety is really bad, are there any coping mechanisms I can use to treat it without going to a doctor?

[BlueEyesLifeLies]

Honestly, I relate so much.. It comes to a point where I start to blame myself. I always find myself making a small thing, like stuttering a word into the end of the world. One way I try to calm myself in these situations is take deep breaths and think about the people that support me. Stay strong <3