TeenHelp - Shyness or anxiety?

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Shyness or anxiety?

Ever since i was little my doctor would always tell me i was shy and i was i would isolate myself from others,i usually wouldnt talk to people (unless im really good friends with them) i would avoid giving speeches,presentations,reading outloud because the whole scenario would make me nervous. I still am shy and i still do all those things im almost in high school and im still like this i cant even bring up a conversation with someone unless they talk to me because to talk to another person it takes all of my courage to do it ( i dont have alot of courage i have low self esteem) But in my house i talk alot because i feel like my mom and dad and sister are the only people i can talk to without feeling like this . Not to mention, i also hate talking because evrytime i talk i feel like im embarrasing my self or im saying something really stupid and i just feel evryone is judging me and criticizing me.:'( sometimes it would make me cry because i hate feeling like this i hate not being able to make alot friends because im so introverted and nervous . i try so much to tell myself that i just have to have confidence and i need to stop thinking negative thoughts i try so hard but it never seems to work its so stressful i hate feeling like this:'(:'(
and going to parties dont make me nervous its just that when ever i go to parties i dont even talk cause i just get nervous about what to say and i then as soon as i get to the party i want to leave cause i start to get nervous

I just wanna know if i have a problem or if i should tell my doctor about this?
I tell my parents i have friends kinda a huge group of friends but what i dont tell them is i never talk to them i just stay quiet not talking because i feel that if i do talk i feel like people will move away from me because im so boring in a conversation. i only talk to my friends i really know and trust . And whenever i go to my doctor she always says " how are you doing in school? do you have alot of friends? But i never tell her that im still shy

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

Hey there,

The term 'shyness' is often overused. Being shy is common in young children, though they often grow out of it. When being 'shy' interferes with your life, such as not wanting to socialise because you feel others judge you, and going to great lengths to try to avoid things, it's likely that it's related to anxiety issues, such as social anxiety. This is also more likely if you have low self-esteem.

We can't diagnose you though, as we aren't professionals. But whatever you are going through, you can be assured that with the right help and support, you'll get through it. It seems like you have a good relationship with your family....how would you feel letting your parents know about what you are going through and how you are feeling? I'm sure they would like to help, and perhaps you can then go to the doctors or talk to a school counsellor, who will be able to help build up your confidence and find strategies to help you feel less anxious.

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel embarrassed when talking to others and feel like they will judge and criticise you. It's a horrible feeling, I know. The reality is though we aren't mind readers. We don't know what others think of us, and there's a good chance that they aren't really judging us, but are more likely to be thinking about things concerning them. While it's good to try to stop thinking negative things, rather than trying to stop the thoughts, perhaps you can challenge them instead? Whenever a negative thought comes to mind, try to challenge it, so that it becomes less negative. It sounds like you are trying really hard, but please don't beat yourself up over it! It's not your fault, and what you are dealing with, is actually quite common, and it doesn't reflect on you as a person.

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

In my school my guidence counselors dont do sh*t they give out non helpfull information like " dont worry its ok if your still shy" because whatever the guidence counselor says the words seem ineffective but im going to talk to my mom and then in 2 weeks i have to go to my doctor im gonna try my best to tell her bout my situation

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

Hey there Andrea,
I can relate to your situation a lot and I wanted to tell you that you probably have a lot more courage than you think you do. I think it's fantastic that you're taking initiative and making plans what you want to do next. It sounds like while your guidance counselor is unhelpful, you are willing to try speaking to your doctor about what you're going through. Maybe you can print out what you've written in this thread and show it to him? Another thing you can try, is writing out what you want to say. Sometimes writing can be an effective way to communicate if you're feeling unable to speak verbally.

We are rooting for you, and keep us updated if you'd like :hug:

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

Thank you all for your support i appreciate it i go to the doctor in 2 weeks i'll keep this updated :)

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

Hi Andrea, I really relate to everything you're saying here, and I ask myself that question a lot. I hate asking for the bill, I hate standing in a queue to order something (even if I go there regularly), and I always feel like people will think I'm boring (if I'm not good friends with them). Just know that you're not alone.

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

All these are just common, and something that most of have faced.

Re: Shyness or anxiety?

Sorry you're going through this. I understand it completely. I would recommend telling your doctor since it seems to be affecting your ability to function in school and in social gatherings.

Sorry I don't have much advice. I do understand though it's a battle that I think a lot of people face. I used to be like that too. Now I'm a sophomore in high school and I've gotten better. So I can promise that it'll get better for u too.