anxiety to the max

[brighteyes06]

hi all. although I'm not exactly a teen anymore, I used this site as a support when I was a teen and found myself back here today. I've struggled with anxiety for years however it seems to be getting worse. I've been engaged for about s year and my fiancé and I are hopefully buying a house soon, we don't live together. we've been together for 7 years so living apart for me is really hard, we both still live with our parents. I basically am the mom of the household which I don't mind at all. my mom has a diesease and she can't walk anymore, I do my best to take care of her and the rest of the family. I try to hold us all together since it seems like the family is falling apart but in the process I feel like I'm losing myself and my peace. my fiancé and I graduated school about a year ago, we've been approved for a home loan but our jobs just arent enough. I make a decent amount in my new career but not nearly enough to support a house hold. he's trying hard to find a new job and hopefully he will so we finally can be together. we've been through so much together over the years , 6 years ago I ended up pregnant and we made a decision that has effected me immensely and I wish I didn't make that decision. I wasn't in the right mind and I didn't have anyone to turn to. it kills me every day of my life which is why I feel like we need to have a family soon, I feel like I would feel better if we finally had a family of our own. I feel like I am a horrible person for making that decision and that I am Worthless and deserve nothing. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone or if anyone thinks or says I'm awful because i deserve that. I feel like I deserve to be unhappy and I make my own life miserable because of what I did. my fiancé doesn't know how to help me and I don't either. I feel like I have no time to get help because of my full time job and also everything I have to do at home takes up all my time ... before and after work I have to make sure I take care of my mom clean and do laundry ect. sorry this is so long I feel so depressed and I guess I just would like some support or advice. it really bothers me that my fiancé and I can't live together now and after being together 7 years and not living together it's tearing us apart and I'm worried we will split up. I'm trying so hard to be strong. thank you for advance for any advice and support. thank you