Triggering (SH): Rumors?!? (Anxiety and other stuff) I just...confused

[NeonFire]

Ok....so a very VERY close friend of mine (I think of him as a brother, lets call him E) recently was 'contemplating suicide' (turns out he was lying about it) ....and I freaked the fuck out and I relapsed, I took a glass shard to school and continued to make tiny cuts in my arm through out the day. (Sorry this is all over the place, currently having a mini anxiety attack) but after school I had a HUGE anxiety/panic attack, it got so bad that it got to the point where an ambulance was called and I had to be held down by three or four people - please note most of this is going off of what people said to me, as most of it is blacked out for me - and I was hospitalized for 27 hours. I went back to school today and apparently rumors are going around about 'The drugged out chick' or 'The girl who freaked out after school' ....I (according to security) was attempting to bite myself (which I did, and I drew blood) and to 'inflict further damage to myself'... I just...don't...know what to do...even my boyfriend (lets call him J) got dragged into this as I was screaming "PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME, I NEED TO TELL [insert name] I'M SORRY" then proceeded to scream his name... and to make it worse, he was trying to get to me when the main incident took place, and was being held back by security....I'm sorry this was all over the place....but I really needed to vent somewhere that no one knows who I really am...I just....I...don't....know what to do...J says he's cool with it, but he's getting called names (that he hasn't specified what those names are) and I feel awful for it... I feel like its E's fault..because most of this mess was started by him...


E- fake suicidal thoughts-> me hurting myself-> suffocating anxiety throughout day because of damage -> freaking out and telling J to 'fuck off' -> J leaving -> me freaking out because the anxiety made me go off on J -> me having a major breaking down -> apocalyptic anxiety attack

I want to trust E...but he's lied about so much...(I haven't included other events where he has lied)... But...I can't tell what's real and what's attention seeking...and I love him like he's family...but it's unacceptable for him to lie just for attention...and neither me or J want to coddle him, because that's not the kind of people we are, we both have trust issues, so E is on very thin ice...and I probably sound like a bitch...but...I don't know if I should trust him...

Wow it feels great to vent a bit...once again sorry this was all over the place...but please, give me any advice about anything I've said about the whole thing....I just need someone to tell me what they think about the situation...Thanks...

[Celyn]

Hey there,

You don’t need to apologise about your post being all over the place. I’m really glad that you were able to get your thoughts and feelings out and that it helped you to vent.

I do think that you are right in thinking that E, who you feel very close to, having suicidal thoughts, that turned out to not be so true, triggered you. It can be very scary when someone we are close to, tells us that they have suicidal thoughts, and obviously it is very confusing when you don’t know if they are being serious. While we can’t control what others say or do, we can try to manage our own emotions.

After being triggered, you relapsed by self-harming. It also sounds like as the day went on, you felt more anxious and probably felt that you were spiralling out of control, leading to panic attacks and being hospitalised. What do you think you could do to prevent this from happening again? Perhaps, instead of self-harming, you could try to find healthier coping techniques. You could try to tell someone, such as a trusted adult, that E was having suicidal thoughts and let them deal with it, rather than getting caught up in the situation. If it turned out E really was having thoughts, you can be proud of yourself for helping him. And if it turns out that E wasn’t really suicidal, hopefully, he can still get help for why he feels the need to say those things. Either way, it’s good to try not to get caught up in the situation. At the same time, it’s important for you to get help too. When you started to make small cuts on yourself, you could also talk to someone about the fact that you had started relapsing. This can help to prevent it from getting worse. As for the anxiety attack, sometimes it can help to go somewhere quieter, have a drink of water and practise some breathing techniques. Try to breathe deeply from your abdomen in for 3 seconds, and out for 3 seconds. You can also try pacing or walking slowly to help calm you down.

Your boyfriend, J, seems like he is quite understanding of the situation. The fact that he is getting called names, isn’t your fault. The people calling him those names are at fault, not you or your boyfriend. As for E, lying about suicidal thoughts is very insensitive and I totally understand how confused you are, not knowing what to believe. You are not a bitch at all. However, lying about these things can also signal that E needs help to understand and manage his behaviour so that he doesn’t have to lie so much. Perhaps you and J could try to talk to E and say that you are worried about his behaviour (try not to blame him as that could just end up with an argument) and suggest that he gets professional help. Also, are you having any help for yourself, such as counselling, I wonder?

Hope this helps a bit

[NeonFire]

E is still pedaling out lies one after the other....it's getting harder, we're really trying to talk to him, but it's like he doesn't want our help, just our attention... and that's just now how either of us work. We'll work things out with you, but you wont baby you, and that's how E is making it seem. Also, he will text me one way, saying how 'fucked up he is' and be totally happy when he texts J...And it's irritating that he tells one story to one of us, and a totally different one to the other.

As for me, I had a appointment with a therapist and I'm going to try group counseling again (even though I hate counseling)

There's also SO. MUCH. DAMN. DRAMA. A while before me and J got together, I was in a LDR, and now they're (call em K) trying to fuck with us and and it's causing issues, because they and J can't stand eachother. And I straight up cut all ties with K and they're finding other ways to contact the both of us, making fake accounts and crap.

I'm also not doing too hot in school...so...just...all of this piled ontop of one another is just making things really hard for me to deal with, I have a journal but I'm scared I'll break our pact me and J made again (We made a pact that neither one of us would hurt ourselfs)

....It's just hard man..

[Celyn]

E sounds like a very confusing person. It might help to remind E that if he thinks he has issues, then he should see a professional, and that you don’t know how to help him. Encourage E to talk to others so that he isn’t relying on you so much.

It’s really good that you had an appointment with a therapist and you’ll be going to group counselling. If the group counselling doesn’t work out for you, is it possible just to have an individual counselling session?

Drama can be really stressful to deal with. But as long you as have good communication with J, the drama shouldn’t cause any upset between you two. It’s best to keep ignoring and blocking fake accounts and such, without reacting to it. Eventually, they will get bored and will stop trying to contact you.

I’m sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time in school. But I’m really glad to hear that you have a journal and I hope that it helps you a bit, to get your feelings out. It’s good that you have talked to J about self-harm, and agreed to not do it anymore. But if you have a relapse, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s good to start small say going a day or two without self-harming, and when you have reached that, work it up to a week, and then 2 weeks etc. Every time you reach your goal, you can add on a few more days to keep going. That way you are just taking things a day at a time, at a pace that is comfortable to you.