Work Related Anxiety

[Loki!]

Hey, I'm in a rather odd position. (Be prepared for a long backstory)
I've been working at a supermarket for the last 5-6 months or so, and since both of my brothers worked there previously, I grew up hearing about how terrible it was.
My dad has these ideals of what growing up should be like, and very much pushed me to get a job there (even though I was really wanting to work somewhere else and had applied at over 20 places - he just didn't seem to listen. Got to the point that he yelled at me for now wanting to speak to the manager.)
Anyway, I've put up with a lot of stuff in the time that I've worked there. My supervisor in particular. She's an odd person, and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get along with her. The way she treated me got pretty bad, to the point that after several shifts I just went home and cried.
One evening in particular was really terrible, and I managed to get home and get into my room before I just broke down completely. Dad discovered me on the phone to my friend, sobbing and telling her what I'd been through.
My parents have only recently found out that I'm depressed and suffer from anxiety, and were very shocked when I came home one time from the doctor with w referral for a psychologist. It seems that me breaking down is the only thing that really gets them motivated to do anything.
So I told dad what happened, cried a bit (a lot) more, and then a few days later complained to higher ups about my supervisor. They took it seriously and spoke to her.
This was only 3 or so weeks ago. I've had a lot of thoughts about quitting, and the only reason I haven't done so is because my parents bought me an iPhone under the condition that I'd pay for half and I have yet to work up the money.
Dad once told me that I shouldn't feel obligated to go back, and I think he finally gets that I hate it there, but I honestly want the money.

What has really inspire me to write this, though, is what I went through just tonight.
A really unruly and irritating customer was served by me only a few hours ago, and he lectured me about how I should do my job, wanted to complain to my supervisor about my attitude when I was trying to explain something to him, and just generally treated me horribly. I managed to get through him and some other customers but felt like I was almost having an anxiety attack. My hands were shaking. I ended up in tears when I had a moment alone, and I just couldn't believe I'd let myself get so affected.

I just need the advice. Asking people who know me is different from people who don't - my friends all give me similar advice. I've tried so hard to look for another job, and at this age it's not totally necessary to have one, but I really wish I could get a job - a real job. Being the age I am is not much of a help.

I don't know what to do. Stay at this job? Leave and just not pay my parents back? I just don't know if the anxiety I get here is worth it.

[MsNobleEleanor]

Hello Loki!,

I wanted to give you a warm welcome to TeenHelp.

Many have gone through what you have gone through, having a job and dealing with a supervisor that isn't kind and treats you badly on top of that coping with anxiety and depression. I am glad that you will be seeing a psychologist because dealing with this alone is tough especially working. I have a few idea's so bare with me.

I am not sure how many hours or how many shifts you work during the week, but if you don't want to leave work and able to pay for your part in the phone, you can reduce the amount of hours or shifts, that way you are able to see if you can get through those hours and you can learn to cope with stress. I know it's hard to cope, but I have a few idea's that you can use or do.

One of the coping skills you can try is breathing, focusing on your breathing helps with anxiety and reduces it. You can also think about a happy moment in your life and picture it, it helps you to ground yourself.

Another option is you can talk to your parents and explain you don't want to work at the supermarket anymore and you want to resign (quit) because it's not a good fit for you. You then can explain you understand you have a responsibility to help pay half of your phone bill, you can offer to help clean around the house to make up for that. That way your parents won't need to worry about cleaning the kitchen, or dishes, the bathroom, vacuuming, moping, shoveling snow, raking leaves, etc., until you find a job that best suites you.

Another idea is to see if you can be scheduled when this supervisor isn't working you could also request to reduce your hours or shifts as well where you feel more comfortable with.

I hope this insight helps you to decide what you really want to happen and what is important is that whatever you decide is something you want and feel comfortable with. It's always important to take care of ourselves when we aren't well and if that is taking time away from work altogether for our mental health than that is important. Coping with all this alone is hard and I am glad you posted. If you need anything else please let us know, you are more than welcome to send me a PM (Private Message).

Take Care.