need advice on social anxiety and Borderline personality

[xHollyx]

So I started treatment for social anxiety in January of this year .
Im on medication and have been to a psychologists which has helped the anxiety to an extent . Im worried if I possibly have borderline personality disorder aswell though .
Symptoms include
.Constant reassurance my boyfriend loves me .
Sometimes I even test him by pushing him away to see if he chases after me

.very sensitive to criticism and insults .
Im insecure with low self esteem and this often leads to intense jealousy.

. Frequent brake ups and arguements in my relationship
I always feel I need to have the upper hand and be in control of the situation so I make the other person look wrong even if they're not . I have become suicidal and very depressed after a brake up or argument.

. If my boyfriend is late to see me or late to reply to a message I feel very angry and hurt . Ive even ignored his calls and texts for 2 days because he fell asleep before replying to me .

. I never let things go . If my boyfriend has upset me in the past I only need the thought to pop into my head and I lose my temper . This causes a lot of problems because one minute I tell him I love him and the next I cant even look at him .

I know all this is focused just around my boyfriend but I Dont have any friends , I rarely spend time with family and im unemployed so this is the only major relationship in my life right now
Are these signs of bpd or is it because of social anxiety ?
Id also like to add I know my behavior isn't justified and do try control it as much as I can
Symptoms of Borderline personality disorder mention impulse behavior (reckless driving, spending, substance abuse and binge eating ) im usually not an impulsive person I was in my teens but my actions are usually carefully planned to avoid negative reactions from other people
Any advice ?
Ps sorry this post is so long !!

[Celyn]

Hey there,

Sorry for the delay

Why do you suspect you may have borderline personality disorder? Is it something that a professional might’ve mentioned, or did you look online for the symptoms? If a professional mentioned it, then perhaps you could talk with them about it? Otherwise, it’s best to not look too into the symptoms as they could also be the result of low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. I’m not a professional,

I’ve had similar experiences with wanting constant reassurance. BPD sufferers often cling to someone and need that person to reassure them that they do love them, they won’t leave them etc., as they might fear abandonment. However, this could also be from low self-esteem as when we don’t feel good about ourselves, we think that others might not like us as much either, so we may also be clingy in that sense.

Being sensitive to criticism and insults isn’t really part of a BPD diagnosis. Some people are just more sensitive than others, but at the same time, if you have been hurt before, then you may be more sensitive towards getting hurt again.

Frequent break ups and arguments may also be caused by BPD in that sufferers might not know how to express what they want, or they might be afraid their partner will cheat or leave them or a range of other things. Again though, this might not be BPD related as it takes two to argue, and there may be factors from your boyfriend that influences the arguments as well. However, feeling suicidal or depressed after an argument isn’t healthy. If you do feel suicidal in the future, please go to your nearest A&E or check out our hotlines: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#depression_and_suicide

Getting angry over someone being late and not being able to let things go could also be BPD or low self-esteem and depression. One of the thinking styles that may make things worse for us is ‘black and white’ thinking or thinking that things are either all good or all bad. Instead we need to realise that people are a mixture of both. Keep reminding yourself that your boyfriend is there for you too, even if he doesn’t reply to you straight away.

The other symptoms you mention, such as impulsivity, is the classic symptom of borderline personality disorder. However, there is a quieter version of BPD that doesn’t include impulsivity.

I suggest talking to your psychologists about how you are concerned about having BPD as only they can diagnose you.

Take care