anxiety=no confidence

[Astar]

I see a counsellor reguarly for my anxiety/panic problems and the main advice I'm always given is that I need to gain more confidence and need to have a more positive outlook.
Probllem is I don't know how to do it. I spent most of the last three years looking back at the past, feelling guilty about it and often cutting myself as punishment. Aswell I spend almost of my time in 'dream world' where unliKekly situations work out and stuff I've hoped to happen does. I guess I do compare myself to others a lot but I'm trying to be honest when I say I'm not that pretty/talented/kind etc. I've been trying to tell myself I am but it feels wrong cos its so far from the truth if I say 'I'm a lovely person' or whatever.
I often think if I don't change my attitude and confidence increase people will get bored of me and replace me. .
I do a lot of acting but often don't win and each time this happens I get lower and I don't know how much longer I can cope with not succeeding.its gonna be worse next year as I'll be in full time drama training. But I love performing but want to punish myself for the failed attempts
I was hoping by next year to have enough confidence and be brave and happy enough for people to be able to have me as a real friend not someone who they have to walk on egg shells round not to hurt and who they are able to confide in and I'll be able to understand and help. I feel so trapped and lonely. I really think if I made a difference to myself then people would able to be different to me..I think? So. Really how are people confident or gaining confidence? Or happy and cheerful- not scared? Idk but I hate being hidden and feeling like I'm 'not real'
Thanks any advice would be helpful.

[Pein]

I can kinda understand where you are coming from on this. And with what I am about to say it is easier said then done but still is possible.

I can see you have a hobby that you enjoy. I'd suggest maybe finding a new hobby while doing the while drama team. Pick a really random hobby, For me it was powerlifting. And just start putting your focus on it. And just beat the crap out of it. It can be anything under the sun. Id suggest picking the most random one though. Something you'd never see yourself doing.

I'll use me for an example. I picked up powerlifting a while back just because I wanted to do something just off the beaten path. And I poured my life into it. I learned as much as I could and just started lifting. And while doing it I got into a zen like feeling. Where I was the only one there. I was in a room full of people but I still felt like I was the only one in there. And the zen type of feeling just transferred into my daily life. It took time but it happened.

And if you'd like just send me a message and I can try and help you out.