Triggering (Abuse): Life is bringing me down, anxiety after anxiety... What do I do?

[Lemoncakes]

I am finally starting to realise how much of an emotional train wreck my life has been and now it is seriously starting to get to me. I have had counselling but I did not like it one bit. I am almost 20.

I really just want to be happy and have a happy life now but since childhood I have been through so much emotional stress and I just dont know what to do anymore, I can't cope. I have been abused (Physically and mentally by parents) I was hit, shouted at, called names, forced, lonely. I have been raped, I have been seriously bullied, Mocked, Family go to prison which ended up all over the media (Papers web etc.) This caused class mates to make fun of me and say things like 'Did you know your dad did this?' In front of the whole class. Family threatening to disown me. I was lonely, started self harming.

In 2013 I found a man who I wanted to be with, he loves me and shows me so much, Best relationship I have ever had, we are close and true partners however, this is now causing me anxiety too that I feel like I can't take it. I found out he was masturbating over Indian girls and their feet (I am a pale white girl) As you can probably imagine from my past this makes me feel extremely self conscious and inadequate. He promised to stop but I just can't stop thinking about it. He did it so much but only recently before I confronted him. I feel like I'm not the right girl for him now, I don't give him enough. He was bringing me out of this mess.. but now I don't know.

Help me.

[Pirouette]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and found out that your partner was doing this. I understand how that feels and my advice to you would be to have a calm, serious conversation about this. Does he know that you know about this-the masturbating with Indian girls? In order for any relationship to be strong, communication is the key and I believe this is what you need to do with your partner- sit down and have a talk with him about it. However, don't sound angry or like you are confronting him because most of the time, this will cause a fight and make things even more complicated.

If things don't work out and if he continues to do this, then its best to not be in a relationship with this guy. I know its hard to let someone go that you really love but what he is doing isn't right and you don't deserve that kind of treatment from your partner.

I hope this helps and wish you all the very best!

[TheGuyinCanada]

Hello there , I am sorry to hear that you found out that your partner was watching inappropriate content. I myself find this unacceptable for someone do to this while in a relationship. People who watch inappropriate content are usually those who are not, and cannot get into a relationship. However, your boyfriend could just have you as his source of amusement. However that is not enough for him. I personally think you should talk about it with him. You should talk about his new habit and see if you can stop it. If he continues you should break up with him because he was betraying your trust.

Originally Posted by Lordakin

Hello there , I am sorry to hear that you found out that your partner was watching inappropriate content. I myself find this unacceptable for someone do to this while in a relationship. People who watch inappropriate content are usually those who are not, and cannot get into a relationship. However, your boyfriend could just have you as his source of amusement. However that is not enough for him. I personally think you should talk about it with him. You should talk about his new habit and see if you can stop it. If he continues you should break up with him because he was betraying your trust.

There are a number of people who watch porn and can still maintain healthy relationships. There are couples who watch porn together. There are people who have no problem with their partner watching porn.

As for the OP, I think you should sit down with your partner and talk to him about your concerns. Let him know that the fact that he was masturbating to Indian girls has you feeling as though you cannot measure up. I know how disconcerting this can be. I think that there are a number of people who would be upset with this. The best thing you can do is communicate your worries and see what your partner has to say about it. Hopefully, he will be able to help you feel more confident about your relationship again and help you work on building trust in him again. Just because he was watching this particular porn does not mean he is not still in love with you.

[BreathingIn]

Hi there,

I am very sorry to hear that you've been going through so much for so long. But I want to tell you that you are an extremely strong person and you will keep being strong.

Counseling only works if you have a counselor who you can connect with. Maybe the counseling you had wasn't a good match, and that's okay. I suggest to keep exploring counselors until you find the right one. Also, in your search, write down what your expectations are of a counselor and that will help you find the best one.

For the relationship part, it's great to work together to work out a problem. A partner can be an ideal tool to help you break free and be happy, however be careful that you do not fully depend on anyone for this. That's not meant to sound like you can't fully trust anyone, but dependency can become a problem without noticing it right away.

I wish you all the best and if you need anything, don't hesitate to PM me. Again, I highly recommend to stick with finding a counselor who is right for you because it can be the most helpful thing.