Triggering (Substances): Anxiety and Drug Usage

[Morpheus]

Back in February, I smoked marijuana. Now I had smoked marijuana for a few months, I never cared for it for a long time because I was using other drugs. I started smoking weed to get my mind off the other drugs and it was actually really helping, that is, until randomly I had a panic attack. I do have anxiety, but never over drug experiences, or anything of that nature. I had had tons of bad psychedelic trips (way way worse) but they NEVER bothered me. They would occur, I would feel like shit, I would go home, go to sleep, wake up the next day and not even remember the bad parts. I took one hit of weed, (normally I would take many, my tolerance was up all the time, as I was smoking 2-3 times a day). I felt really high from one hit of the same weed I usually used. I had what people describe as "ego death" for 9 minutes. I came back to a little, and I was just walking into the same door over and over and my friend tried to get me to talk, and I said I wanted to go outside. It was so embarrassing thinking back, we were in public and I was falling into shit (though no one was really around). So we get outside, and I am feeling slightly better. We walk 20 minutes to a nearby park, it's the middle of winter, but we do this often. My friend doesn't use any substances for any purpose. He's just someone I hung around with at the time. So, after 9 minutes and then some panicking after, I calmed down and I was fine, enjoyed my high like always and didn't even remember that my DOC existed. I withdrew off my DOC and for a few weeks I was sick in bed. The day I was able to actually get up and walk around, I went out with friends and partook in doing my DOC again. I made some dumb choices that night. Anyway, the next day I decided I would go smoke marijuana as usual instead of using my DOC. So I did. Now, for whatever reason, it hit me fast, and I kept taking hits without noticing I was. I was rambling at my friend the whole time apparently but I don't remember that at all. It's like I was not in control at all. Anyway, my friend (same as before) finally decided to take away my pipe and shit. For whatever reason he waited until I was already so high I didn't know what was going on. Apparently I kept repeating his name and talking strange and I was very pale like the first time. Basically I was very high, and as we started walking I said I could "feel it like before, again" and that I knew I was panicking or something. But I was so high I didn't even know what I was thinking or saying, and immediately I was back in the ego death thing and panicking. I didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel my body and it was weird. It was also freezing. I had a thin sweater and coat and it was so cold, I couldn't feel my body due to that either, and I was getting really faint. We walked home with me hardly able to see. I was mentally blacking out, I didn't exist, but occasionally I could see, and when I looked I would see just bits of the world. We managed to get home without me getting hit by a car and whatnot. Not sure how, but we did, and we snuck by past my friend's parents since he still lives at home. I laid down and just shook for hours. I had no idea what to do, neither did my friend. I had never had any reaction like this, not from anything. So I was finally driven home, and just wanted to escape the car. I got home, slept amazingly, and woke up feeling weird. For two months I was bedridden, my head was spinning, anytime I got up I was sent right back into the feeling, panicking, couldn't feel anything. I was having horrible flashbacks. I could not leave my house, then it was less and less until bedridden. Eventually somehow I started getting out. I would force myself. I ended up telling my doctor a few days after the event, and he prescribed Zoloft. All that did was make me gain some weight and feel weird. I quit taking it a few months in, probably 4 or so. My doctor refuses everything on the planet. My doctor wanted me to see a nurse, he said if I see her, he will be able to determine if I can have a benzodiazepine. So I discuss weekly with her for months, she decides to try seroquel, it makes me worse, she decides we should try tramadol or a benzodiazepine or both. She advocates for them to my doctor. He says "no, take cymbalta" and that's what I get. I'm pretty sure a low dose of a benzodiazepine would have solved this whole thing before. If I had something to calm me, I would have quickly learned it was a bad experience and been fine. But I had to suffer through it. Not to mention I have chronic pain, and severe insomnia. I cannot attend school and I cannot work at this time, nobody will help me. This leads to my next problem. I'm an advocate of natural herbs and plants but I cannot get myself to take anything. It's stupid, it really is, but everytime I smoke/drink/eat any plants/herbs, I will get anxious for no reason. I've forced myself with success to use them because they do help me,but the anxiety overruns their power a few minutes in every time, and then it is useless. Even my favourite most helpful herbs. It's frustrating. I am depressed because I cannot sleep. I lay there, then I start to not be able to feel my body, and I get cold and numb anytime I am holding a book or anything similar. I don't blame marijuana, I support and loved it. It helped me. But now I don't know what to do. The symptoms I had would be that of "derealization". I can leave my house now and such, but the problem is I get anxious. And I can't sleep. I even struggle with my DOC now. I want it, but I hate it because I know I panic everytime I even touch it. It's making my drug issue really hard because I'm stuck in the middle. I can't even take herbs, let alone anything else, that itself is ruining my life because I don't want to get stuck on some antidepressants again out of desperation, which was why I even took Zoloft. I threw the Cymbalta away. The soonest I get a new doctor is January.

Anyway, if anyone has ha this occur or can at least somehow help me, I would be grateful. Hell, even if someone knows an herbalist I can contact I would be helpful. What helped in the past was forcing myself to do the things that scare me. I just feel like I'll make a fatal move.

*Note: I don't remember if I can openly admit drug usage here or not, so I'm leaving everything past marijuana as DOC unless asked or told it's fine.

[Its.Just.Angie]

hey

I had a similar reaction to pot... And I was acting really weird and stuff and I was really... Um agitated and then I feel into a really really low moods (depressed, anxious, angry, etc.) And it gotten worse the more I used weed. I found out it was because of the antidepressent (I taken Zoloft at the time) made it worse.. Like I was having good time being high and such, but after a while when I come down from the high... My mind was weird... I couldn't think straight, really bad thoughts/actions, and stuff... My doctor said it was the mix of the two. So right now I stay away from it and don't use it no more!!

So were you taking any medications of when you were using it? If so it could play a factor. It could also that your body reacts differently to weed! Cause most ppl will have different reacts to it cause all of our bodies are different one way or the other also how long didn this happen? If it was the first or first few times then your gonna have a lot of weird things.. Until your body learns how to adjust to it! Well the amount could affect it to? Well there many factors of how that could happen., but I hear these things happpen a lot so... I hoped I helped alittle, feel free to PM/VM me anytime.