anxiety at uni

[LONE]

I'm on my first year of university and thought this feeling would have died down after a while but it really hasn't. I don't get on with my flat mates which is fine as I have other friends at university. The only problem is my accommodation isn't on campus so I only see my friends a couple of times a week. So when I'm at my flat I just stay in my room. I've always liked to spend time alone but since I started university I've found myself wanting to spend time with my friends constantly and hate being alone. My flatmates are always in the kitchen with their friends which makes me feel even more lonely cos I can hear them laughing and having fun from my room. And when I sit in my room feeling lonely which makes my anxiety gets so bad and just end up sitting there for hours worrying about how this is going to be the same all year round and start worrying about irrelevant things. I just want to be able to spend time alone and not get panicked. What should I do?

[Celyn]

Hi there,

It can be difficult moving out, away from home, for the first time. It’s understandable that you would want to be around your friends, rather than being on your own, especially in a new place.

When you are in your room on your own, could you do something to take your mind off the loneliness? You could do some work, or catch up on tv shows etc. Writing down your feelings and realising that you aren’t too far away from friends, can also help. Perhaps you could spend more time with others by joining societies in your university? This is a great way of getting involved and meeting others, so you won’t be lonely.

If the feeling persists, you could talk to your university counsellor, who will be able to help you get to the root of the problem as well as giving you more coping techniques.

Take care

[Storyteller.]

Hey.

I had a similar situation at the start of this year - I didn't get along with most of the people I shared a house with, and they were all very loud and kept irregular hours, which was bunches of fun for me. What I found helpful was to get out of the house as often as possible. I'd take day trips to another town, or go for walks out in the bush, or even just sit outside in the sun and read a book. I'm not sure where your accommodation is or what's nearby, but maybe you could find some hangouts in the area so you don't spend as much time in your room.

With your friends, even if you can't see them all that often, are there other ways you can communicate with them? Maybe you could have regular phone calls, or even use something like Skype so you can video chat with them? That way you won't feel so lonely, and you can be in your room without being so stressed. Like Holly said, extracurricular activities are good too, even if they're not related to the university - you could volunteer somewhere, for example. The less you're in your flat, the less likely you are to let your flatmates bother you.

While you're in your room, it could also help to keep busy. Maybe you could play music so that you can't really hear your flatmates and their friends. When I feel anxious I usually turn to something that requires a lot of energy and/or concentration, such as writing, exercising, or even doing coursework. Maybe something like that can work for you? If you let give yourself something to think about other than anxiety and other worrying subjects, then you're going to end up feeling less stressed overall.

I hope this helped a bit, and good luck!

[Green Yoshi]

I think that you could try to get into whatever your friends are doing, and its normal to be quiet around them at first. i understand that its tough, but there's always a learning curve to everything. You never try, you never know. Sometimes there's times where its better to spend your time doing your own personal stuff, sometimes there's times where you feel like enjoying with others. it depends on how you're feeling at the moment. So i think its just best to relax, be natural and enjoy whatever you're doing.

The more relaxed you are around others, the better the experience you'll have too. and no matter what you're doing, remember to take care of yourself, stay safe .. and be relaxed and just immerse yourself in the moment.

if you wanna rant, you know that i'm always around

[Satine]

Oh, that sounds unpleasant.

Okay, so, you asked what you can do.

I'd say that it might be worth moving on, but you may want to think about how it's likely to pan out if you do. You mentioned a history of liking to be on your own. I can very much relate to this. I also hear you when you say this seems to be changing.

Is it possible that you're feeling that you want to be more sociable because you can hear your flatmates being sociable and you're very aware that you're not a part of it? Could it be that you're pining after something that's not yours (those fun times they're having in the kitchen) and that's what's driving you to feel lonely? My point is, could it be that if you weren't hearing that, would you be likely to go back to feeling content by yourself?

I know I feel lonelier when I hear other people having fun. When I'm by myself, on the other hand, I enjoy the solitude.

On a similar note, how much social contact did you used to have with your friends before you started at uni? Was it the same as you're having now (a couple of times per week) or was it more, or less? It may be that that amount is enough for you and that the loneliness you're feeling has more to do with hearing the fun that you're not a part of.

I'm reluctant to suggest trying to get into the group in the kitchen, but would be interested to hear more about your thoughts on that.

[Kindred]

Uni was unexpectedly lonely for me, too. Everyone says you meet friends for life at uni, and I couldn't even see where they were coming from.
I don't stay in halls anymore as I had a taster session and I didn't take to it so I'm in private renting now, which can be extra lonely at times as I don't get on with my flatmates here either. Chess told you my favorite thing to do: go out, explore. Don't stay locked in, take yourself and a book or laptop or even just music out. Go somewhere where there's people, like a coffee shop, or just go on a really long bus ride and see where you end up. Message your friends, even when you're not actually seeing them. As for making friends at uni, apparently societies are really good for that kind of thing. Sporting clubs, for example, or volunteering somewhere (also looks good on your CV). Heck, even getting a job helps you meet people. I for one thought making friends at uni would be so much easier than it actually is. It's probably because there's so many people.

I know you might not get on with your flatmates, but give it a few weeks and see if you warm to them at all. If not, you could see if anyone in your uni is advertising a room switch and see if you get on with those guys. But even though I don't get on with my flatmates, I sometimes force myself to spend a little bit of time with them, because it's social interaction, at the end of the day

It'll get better, promise. And a lot of people will be in a similar situation. Uni is new, and daunting and at times you can feel quite anonymous which can be a big change. But I assume we'll eventually adapt :P give me a message anytime, I'll be your uni friend!

Good luck! <3

[LONE]

Thank you so much for the replies lovelies, you've made me feel soo much better about everything! I'll definitely take all your advice and see how I get on.