Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Anxiety + feeling like I screwed up this paper = avoiding it and it's late!!

[Always *]

I spent over a week on a paper. I couldn't edit yesterday (Tuesday) as I had to prepare for a test I had today (Wednesday).

So when I got into the writing it came out way to long (like around 1500 words over the maximum limit). I can probably get away with about 4000 words but that still means it's very long. It is only supposed to be 3000-3500 words and I have around 5000 and I have some extreme editing to do.... I am in some serious trouble, I feel like I seriously messed up here and that I can't hand it in because I am going to get a really bad grade....

I know I just need to get through this semester and I want to be ok with not doing well in 1 class but I can't be ok with it, I keep thinking "omg what if I go to grad school and i have some shitty grade on my transcript in my last semester" or what ever, like I'm really scared to hand it in because I am so so scared that my editing won't make it good enough, that I simply just didn't write it very well. Quite frankly, it is way, way to late to do anything about it, all I can do is edit it and hope I haven't completely fucked up!!!

The paper was due yesterday (Tuesday!) and I have to have drafts for 2 more papers prepared by next Tuesday so I can MAYBE keep it until tomorrow night (Thursday) but after that I need to be able to hand it in.... Fortunately one of the papers I have for next week already has a completed draft and I just need to add in my fieldwork and conclusions, plus I have over 80% in that course so I am not so worried about it so much.

But this one paper is causing me a lot anxiety, I tried putting off the editing process all afternoon and the longer I did so the worse my anxiety felt, it is making me feel sick.... Which is bad. The worst part is that if I "just got it over with", the anxiety will go away, but then I have to sit around and worry about the grading process. I only got a 68% on the last paper so I am extremely worried... Like it's making me feel panicked to even talk about it here.

I don't know what to do. I have no choice, but my anxiety is interfering with my school.

[Always *]

To top it off, I was so burned out I slept in through my alarms (which are set to go off for 1.5 hours!!!)
I was ok when I went to my sports practice, I was ok at my interview (and we all know how bad interviews can be - what ever, I am over being nervous there which says a lot I think!!!!)... I went home and started feeling horrible again.

I missed class because I was trying to deal with my resume, signing up for a summer course and so on.... Next thing I new I had to be in class in 5 minutes.... So I just didn't go cause I didn't want to be late and felt shitty.

[bitesize]

Awh love, sounds like you had a rough couple of days. I'm so sorry to hear you were getting stressed out. It seems like you have a lot on your plate.

Don't feel bad because you missed class. There's nothing you can do about it now so there's no point worrying - everyone misses classes time to time and you would honestly be shocked to hear how many people I know don't go into a class if they're 5 minutes late and just skip the whole thing. At least the interview went well!!

Remember editing a word count down is much easier than trying to come up with words you don't know. Just read over it and assess the chunks that you don't need. It's easier to take it in steps than if you keep thinking about the task as a whole - it can be overwhelming.

It sounds bad that your anxiety is affecting you at college. Have you tried talking to someone about this?? Even taking a time management course could help you feel a bit more on top of things.

Anxiety is a bitch. I hope you're okay.x